Shall We Dance
by Caroline
XII : Endless Waltz
(sorry... couldn't help myself)
Heero glanced at his watch and tapped his foot impatiently. He sipped on his iced water and pretended to
study the menu for the third time. Reaching the end and not finding anything he felt like eating, he put the menu
down and glanced around the outdoor café once more.
'Where is he? Dammit Milliardo,' he thought as he scanned the busy afternoon crowd for the tall blonde
man.
Heero had been surprised when Milliardo had called him the night before and asked to meet him for lunch. He
hadn't wanted to - he wanted to try and see Duo today. But Milliardo had been insistent, though he hadn't said
why.
Heero sighed and picked up the menu again. 'If he's not here in the next ten minutes... '
"Hello, Hee-chan."
Heero's eyes widened in shock as his head flew up. Standing on the other side of the table, smiling sadly,
was Duo.
Heero stood so quickly that he cracked his knee on the underside of the table.
"Itai!"
"Oh God. Heero, are you okay?" Duo asked worriedly as he rounded the table and grabbed Heero's arm to
support him.
The touch of Duo's hand on his bare arm sent a jolt through his body. He looked up into Duo's face. Both
young men froze as cobalt met violet. The world seemed to shrink until it contained just the two of them. They
stood unmoving, staring into one another's eyes until a loud noise from across the street broke them out of their
reverie. Heero's hand crept up to cover Duo's.
"What... what are you doing here?" Heero asked, his mouth suddenly dry.
"A little birdie told me you'd be here."
"I'm glad you came," Heero replied softly. Remembering where they were, he gestured to the other seat.
"Would you like to sit down?"
Duo smiled. "Thank you."
A waiter hurried over to hand Duo a menu. While the American studied the menu, Heero studied Duo over
the top of his own. The gentle breeze blowing down the street rustled Duo's hair playfully. The young dancer
looked paler than usual, and there were dark circles under his eyes. Heero felt a fresh wave of guilt surge through
him.
The waiter returned and took their order. When he was gone, they sat together in an uncomfortable silence
until Heero spoke up. "I'm glad you came. I tried to see you... "
"I know. Une told me. I didn't want to see you... " Heero looked away. "... until now."
Heero looked back up at him. "What changed your mind?"
"Your letter. And a little visit from Milliardo Peacecraft." Heero opened his mouth to speak, Duo held up his
hand. "No, Heero. Let me talk. You hurt me. You hurt me in a way I didn't know I could be hurt. When I found out
you were married, it felt like my heart had been ripped out. I was a mess. For two days I slept on the futon where
we... where we made love. I could feel myself slipping back into the depression and despair I felt when Treize
betrayed me. But it was different this time. It was worse. I had only thought I loved Treize. I did love you."
"Duo, I... I'm so sorry," Heero said helplessly.
"On the morning of the third day, after I woke up, the sun was shining so brilliantly through the window of
the dance room. I looked around and remembered our time together. I could almost see us dancing around the
room like we did the night you first came over. And that's when I realized what I was doing.
"All my life I only wanted someone to protect me, the way that dancer had protected his partner at
Blackpool. Solo was my protector when I was little. I adored him. After he died, I thought I found one in Treize,
but I was young and naïve. I realize that now. But it still hurt. After Treize, I didn't want to let myself get hurt
again, so I closed myself off. I went to work for Une, teaching in her school. I was so afraid to love that I even
lost my love of dancing. I still danced, but only because it was all I knew. I had forgotten the thrill and absolute
joy of dance. Then you came to the school.
"I was leery of you at first. So many others have signed up for lessons just to get close to me. I ignored it,
even put up with some of the worst of it. I thought you were just another one of them. But... something was
different with you. I was so rude to you, but you stuck with dancing anyway. And then you began to enjoy it,
really enjoy it. I could see it in your eyes. And it touched something within me. It felt like the block of ice around
my heart began to thaw as I watched you dance.
"I don't know when it was that I began to fall in love with you. I was afraid, but I couldn't help myself. I
knew I loved you when you agreed to be Hilde's partner for the competition. But I didn't realize just how much I
loved you until the day of the competition. When you fell, I saw you twist your body to protect Hilde. You didn't
have to do that. And when you hit your head... you were so still. I thought... I thought I'd lost you too. And in
that moment, I knew I had lost my heart completely.
"I realized this all on that third morning. I recognized your strength. And even though you had hurt me
terribly, I wanted some of that strength for my own. All my life I had depended on other people for strength. It
was time I started relying on myself... time to start protecting myself. You helped me see that I could do it. As
soon as I realized that, I found the strength to get up off that futon and start reevaluating my life. So I did. My
only regret was you."
"Oh God, Duo," Heero began, finally finding his voice. "I'm so, so sorry. You don't know how I wish I had told
you about Relena. I was too afraid to do so. I tried to many times but... "
"I know that now," Duo interrupted, smiling at him sadly. "Looking back, I could tell there were times you
wanted to tell me something but couldn't. And I was so afraid you were about to reject me that I didn't really
want to hear what you wanted to tell me anyway."
He broke off as the waiter returned with their food. Both had ordered small salads. Duo picked up a carrot
and nibbled on it for a moment before continuing. "After I read your letter, and after Milliardo came to see me, I
realized that, in your own way, by not telling me the truth, you were protecting me. I understand why you married
her. I understand why you didn't leave her. And now I understand why you didn't tell me."
Heero felt his heart beat a little faster. "Duo, what are you trying to say?"
Duo looked into his eyes. "I forgive you, Heero. I know you didn't mean to hurt me."
"Do... do you really mean that, Duo?" Heero asked hopefully.
The braided dancer reached his hand across the table. Heero clasped it, looking deep into the American's
eyes. "Yes," Duo answered smiling brightly. "I meant every word."
Heero brought his love's hand up to place a tender kiss on Duo's palm. He felt like a terrible weight had been
lifted from his shoulders. "You don't know how relieved I am to hear you say that, koi. I thought I had lost you
forever."
Duo shifted uncomfortably in his chair. "Heero, there's something I have to tell you."
"What is it?"
"I... I'm leaving Japan. I'm moving to England."
Heero looked startled. "But I thought you had forgiven me."
"I have. And as much as it pains me to leave Japan... and you... it's something I have to do."
"I don't understand."
"Heero, in your letter, remember how you said I taught you to love again?" Heero nodded. "Well, you taught
me to love again too. And not just people. You taught me to love dancing. I thought I had forgotten how. During
the months we practiced for the competition, something began to change within me. You taught me to look
beyond the steps. You showed me the splendor of dance, of how wonderful it can be when you truly enjoy it. So
I've decided to start again from the beginning. I've found a new partner. I'm going to try again."
"A new partner?"
"When I had made my decision, Une and I placed a few calls. I'd need a new partner if I was going to start
dancing professionally again. Much to my amazement, I found one quickly. Her name is Sylvia Noventa. She's one
of England's top dancers. She remembered me from my amateur days and was looking for a new partner as well.
So I took her up on her offer to move to London and become her partner. I'm really looking forward to it. Dancing
is my life. I had lost sight of my dream after Treize. But then you came and I found it once more. I have to do
this. I want to do this."
Heero could see the conviction in Duo's eyes. And while he was elated that the American was following his
dream, his heart was breaking at the thought of losing him again. But he couldn't stand in his way. To do so would
be inexcusable. He'd already caused Duo so much pain. He couldn't cause him any more. Much as he hated it, he
had to let his beautiful Duo go.
Forcing himself to smile he said, "Then I wish you the very best of luck, koi. I hope you find your dream."
Duo looked at him sadly. "I'll always love you, Heero. I wish you could go with me, but your life is here." He
smiled, and Heero could see tears forming in his eyes. "I'll miss you, Hee-chan."
Heero swallowed hard. "I'll miss you, too, koi. More than you'll know."
Duo stood up, placing his napkin on the table, and leaving his salad mostly untouched. "I need to go. I'm
leaving in three days. There's still a few last minute things I need to take care of."
'Three days? Oh God... ' Heero thought as he, too, stood up.
"There's a party tomorrow night at eight o'clock at the dance hall where Une works," Duo added, taking
Heero's hand once more. "It's kind of a going away party. I would... I would really like it if you could come."
Heero looked away. Go to a party where he had to say good-bye to Duo? He didn't know if he could. "I'll...
I'll think about it."
Duo smiled sadly, nodding as if he understood. He stepped forward, leaned up, and pressed his lips against
Heero's. The Japanese man leaned into the kiss, wrapping his arms around the young dancer and pulling him close.
He dug one hand into the loose hair at the base of Duo's neck, holding on as if he couldn't let go. He swept his
tongue into Duo's mouth. He wanted to memorize this, memorize the taste of the boy he loved so much. He never
wanted to let him go. And yet, he had to.
He broke off, trailing fingers down Duo's heart-shaped face. Duo looked up at him and smiled, one silver tear
falling from his violet eyes. "Good-bye, Heero," he whispered as he turned and walked away.
Heero could feel his own eyes burning with unshed tears as he watched his love walk away. He wanted to
run after him, beg him not to go. But he couldn't. All he could do was sit down and mourn for what he'd lost.
The next day was Saturday. It dawned bright and clear with hardly a cloud in the sky. As Heero left for
work that morning, he wished it would rain. Rainy weather would suit his mood so much better.
The day passed much too quickly, although he barely noticed. He felt like he was walking around in a fog.
His whole body was numb, and his mind focused only on Duo. He knew he couldn't go to the party. He couldn't
look at his beautiful dancer and say good-bye. He didn't think he could survive it.
He left work with a heavy heart. The party would be starting in a couple of hours. He wondered who would
be there. All the students from the dance school, surely. Duo would be so happy to have so many well wishers
there. He wondered if the American would be sad when he didn't show up.
Heero couldn't bear the thought of going home to his empty apartment, so he headed to a local restaurant
for a bite to eat. His order came, along with a bottle of sake. He pondered briefly about drowning his sorrows in
the alcoholic drink, but then decided against it. The sake would only make him feel better for a little while. He'd
still have to face life without Duo when it wore off, plus be left with a hangover. He didn't need that. He needed
Duo.
Sighing softly, he only allowed himself to sip the sake as he picked at his food, suddenly not feeling very
hungry.
The band was playing, the drinks were flowing, and everyone seemed to be having a good time. Duo stood
off to the side, watching his friends and students dance. He'd just said his hellos to an older gentleman and his
wife whom he had taught last year when he heard someone come up beside him.
"Good evening, Duo," Quatre said, beaming at him. Trowa nodded his greetings.
"Hi guys," Duo said, smiling. "I'm glad you could come. Are you enjoying yourselves?"
"Yes, very much. Thank you," the little blonde replied, pulling Trowa closer to him. "And you?"
Duo opened his mouth to reply when a wolf whistle interrupted him.
"Whoo! Maxwell, you look good enough to eat!" Hilde remarked, walking up to him and looking at him
appreciatively. Quatre had to agree. The violet-eyed dancer was wearing a pair of tight black jeans and a deep
red turtleneck. A gold cross hung from his neck and his hair was loose and gleaming in the low light of the dance
hall. At Hilde's comment, Duo blushed almost as red as his shirt.
v"Don't let Alex hear you say that or he might think you're hitting on me," Duo told her, winking.
"Don't be silly," Hilde replied, draping herself across Duo's shoulders. "Alex knows I hit on everyone." The
music changed to a Latin beat and Hilde smiled. "Come on, Duo. Dance with me!"
Duo tried to protest but the short-haired girl wouldn't listen. As she dragged him out onto the dance floor,
Quatre turned to his lover and smiled. "He looks so much better, doesn't he?"
"Yes. Though there's still sadness in his eyes." Trowa looked down at his blonde lover. "Do you think Heero
will show up?"
Quatre frowned and looked at the door. "I hope so, Trowa. For both their sakes, I hope so."
Heero wandered the city, not wanting to go home, yet avoiding the dance district. He wandered in and out
of stores, doing a little light shopping for some things he needed at home. He spent half an hour in a bookstore,
idly flipping through the periodicals yet not really reading anything. He even went into a video arcade and wasted
several hundred yen playing one of those mindless Street Fighter-type games. After losing yet another round to a
skinny kid with braces, Heero decided to head home. He figured he could brood just as well at his apartment as he
could on the streets.
Duo watched in amusement as Hilde bullied Wufei into dancing with her. Those two were kindred spirits even
if they refused to admit it. Shifting his eyes to the other side of the dance floor, he saw Quatre and Trowa
dancing lovingly together. He was glad his new friends had a place to dance. So many establishments frowned on
same-sex partners, but this place was very popular with both the gay and straight communities. There were
several other same-sex couples on the floor at the moment, dancing up a storm. Duo thought of his own dances
with Heero and felt an aching sadness within him. For the umpteenth time that night, he looked toward the door.
Duo-chan?"
Duo turned as Une spoke his name.
"The party is wonderful, 'neesan. Thank you," he said, smiling at her.
Une looked at him closely. "Don't worry, Duo-chan. I'm sure he'll show up," she said, trying to be optimistic.
Duo looked down. "I don't know, 'neesan. If I were him, I wouldn't want to come say good-bye either."
Une wrapped her arms around him. "Don't give up hope, Duo-chan. Never give up hope."
Heero entered his little apartment, put his shopping away, and then looked around. The events of the day
suddenly caught up with him. He leaned against the door, breathing hard. It felt like a giant hand was crushing his
heart. For the first time since he had gotten this place he looked around. Really looked around. It was a nice
apartment with a great view of the city. It was small but comfortable enough for one person. The rent was very
reasonable for this part of the city, and it was so close to his work.
His job... it wasn't something he enjoyed. He didn't dislike it, but it hadn't been something he'd always
dreamed about. He was little more than a glorified number cruncher for the firm he worked for. The pay was
decent enough, but the hours sometimes dragged on.
He slid down the door to the floor as he realized what he was doing. Leaving his job wouldn't be a problem.
He was more than qualified in his field and getting a new one wouldn't be a problem. His apartment was nice, but
he wouldn't miss it if he left. He wasn't that attached to it.
It wasn't home.
Duo was home.
His sudden epiphany left him dazed. He couldn't let Duo leave. Not without him.
'I wish you could go with me, but your life is here.'
Duo's words echoed through his mind. He had been so stunned when Duo said he was still leaving, he hadn't
noticed their importance when the young dancer had said them. But now he did. Duo wanted him to go with him!
'... but your life is here.'
Heero shook his head. It was true, his job and his apartment were here, but his life belonged to Duo. He
couldn't imagine living it without his braided love. He didn't want to imagine it. He could leave this all behind and
not miss a thing. He wasn't tied to this place. He was tied to Duo.
His lips pressed together in determination, he pushed himself off the floor. He knew what he had to do. He
rushed into his bedroom to change, throwing his work clothes on a heap in the floor. Work clothes... they were
just clothes now. He hurriedly dressed in a nice pair of slacks and a simple blue shirt that brought out his eyes. He
quickly ran a comb through his hair before bolting for the door. He glanced at the clock on his way out. It was half
past ten. The party would probably be ending soon.
As he ran down the street, he prayed he wasn't too late.
"Duo-chan? It's time for the last dance," Une said gently as the lights in the dance hall were lowered. Duo
sighed and shot one last glance towards the door.
"He didn't come," he said dejectedly as he allowed the taller woman to lead him to the center of the dance
floor.
"I'm so sorry."
Duo gave her a small smile. "It's alright. I understand why he didn't. He didn't want to say good-bye." He
paused a moment before adding, "I didn't want to say good-bye either."
Une gave him a sad smile. He knew she didn't believe him. They stepped out onto the middle of the dance
floor. She brushed wisps of chestnut hair away from his face and leaned down to kiss him gently on the cheek.
Her eyes glinted with mischief as she straightened back up.
"This is the last dance. Choose wisely." Then with a wink, she left him alone on the dance floor.
The lights had completely dimmed. Duo could see the shadowy figures of the party guests lining around
three sides of the dance floor. He stood facing the doors to the hall and sighed wistfully. Despite what he'd said
to Une, he wished Heero was there.
The band director stepped up to the microphone. "Ladies and gentlemen, we're ready for the final number of
the evening. This time, let's have Duo pick his own partner."
A spotlight from above shone down, illuminating the beautiful dancer within a circle of white light. Another
light began to pan slowly along the crowd. Duo searched the faces, hoping to find a pair of cobalt eyes under a
mop of dark brown hair, but knowing he wouldn't.
The light made it all the way around. When it got to the end of the line, it began traveling back the other
way. Duo sighed dejectedly and tried to find Hilde in the crowd. She was the closest thing he had to a friend
besides Une. He would dance with her.
As the light slid past the double doors once more, a movement caught his attention. Duo stopped breathing
as a familiar figure stepped inside. He took a hesitant step forward. Dare he hope?
The spotlight operator noticed his movement and swung the light back toward the doors. Duo nearly cried
out with joy as he saw Heero standing there with a smile on his face and heat in his eyes. He wanted to run to
the Japanese man and throw his arms around him. But decorum held him in check. Slowly he walked forward, his
eyes never leaving Heero's. When he was about two feet away, he stopped. They stared at one another for a
long moment before Duo smiled and extended his hand.
"Shall we dance?"
Heero's face lit up. He took Duo's hand and led him onto the floor. He pulled Duo to him and waited for the
music to start. Duo squeezed Heero's hand, happy to be in his arms once more.
The lights went up slowly as the music began. Heero stepped forward. It was one of Duo's favorite waltzes,
but he barely heard the music. All that mattered was that he was in Heero's arms, dancing to their own private
music.
As they danced, other couples began joining them on the floor. But Duo didn't notice. He clung tighter to
Heero as they sailed across the floor.
"You came," the American said, his voice barely above a whisper. "I didn't think you would."
"I had to," Heero replied, whirling them around. "I couldn't let you leave without... "
"Without saying good-bye?" Duo asked when Heero paused.
"Without me."
Duo's breath caught in his throat. Tears began forming in his eyes as he struggled to contain the whirlwind
of emotions coursing through his mind. "H... Heero?"
"I want to go with you Duo," Heero said softly.
"But... but what about your life here?" Duo asked, his voice trembling.
"Baka," his lover admonished gently. "You are my life. And I want to share mine with you if you'll let me." He
stopped dancing in the middle of the floor to stare down into Duo's eyes. "I love you."
Duo flung himself into Heero's arms. "Of course I'll let you! I love you, too, Heero."
Heero bent his lover's head back and sealed their love with a kiss. They stood in the middle of the dance
floor, clinging desperately to each other, oblivious to everyone around them. At that moment, the world contained
only the two of them. Their lips and souls met and became one. Their future together was calling them, but for
this moment it could wait. They were in each other's arms. Nothing else mattered.
And the band played on...
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