The Perfect Drug
by Jade Black
// I got my head,
But my head is unravelling //
I stared out the window, waiting for some view of my future. The car park
outside the window was still, but the office behind me was busy. People
moving around, filing cabinets opening and closing, and the incessant click
of fingers on keyboards. Usually I managed to remain focused- I wasn’t the
type to skip up halfway though and stand around near the water cooler –but
today I just couldn’t concentrate on something so mundane as mission
reports. He was supposed to pick me up, you see. I’d been sitting staring
out the window for a couple of hours now… and I had another 30 minutes
before Duo was due to arrive… and, knowing him, he’d enjoy keeping me
waiting and add on another 10.
A tap on my shoulder. I turned and saw Jade, the youngest in the Preventers’
office, and therefore the only person around eligible for the title
‘coffee-girl’. "You want something, Mr Yuy? You’ve been staring out there
all afternoon," she said, smiling down at me. I knew what it was like to be
in her position. It was one of those times where you had to kiss everyone’s
ass before they walked through the door- whether you liked it or not. But,
then, I’d noticed she acted a little differently around me. It was probably
my reputation. The background of being a Gundam pilot. However, if I didn’t
know better, I would say she fancied me. I wasn’t exactly at the top of the
chain of Preventers, but I had the respect of all the officials. And, yet,
at the same time, they all looked down on me- they all thought I was just a
heartless soldier who knew no other way. Perhaps I was- but who really
cared? People thought that if they dared to accuse me in so many words, then
they wouldn’t go home with their head intact.
// Can’t keep control,
Can’t keep track of where it’s travelling //
"No," I replied after a long pause, and looked out of the window again.
Everything remained still, even the trees… there was no breeze on L1. Jade
didn’t move form behind me. "What?" I asked her without turning around.
"Who are you waiting for?"
I wasn’t sure if she knew I was gay. She might have had an inkling, she
seemed pretty damned intuitive from what I had seen of her. But I didn’t
know, most people didn’t twig it until they actually saw me with Duo. Then
there was no mistaking it. I decided not to answer her question.
"Ah, it’s a girl, then," she said as she walked away. "Or maybe not…"
// I got my heart
But my heart is no good //
I knew he had something planned for us. Something special. But I didn’t know
how his mind worked; my mind raced through possibility after possibility…
but I got the feeling that the single one I hadn’t considered would be the
one he would try. It always worked like that. The single exception to the rule-
that was Duo. Even with the training of the Perfect Soldier I didn’t have to
power to work out the Shinigami.
Maybe Duo was my redemption? Keeping me waiting could have been my
punishment for all those… those who I’d killed. But was it done in vain? Did
we have peace because of all those sacrificed, or was it worthless? Everyone
had a different opinion. There were those who thought I was amazing because
I had the skill to create so much destruction. There were those who thought
all the others and I had taken the wrong route to achieve total pacifism.
And then there were the many who had forgotten we had even existed, and just
thought we were meaningless pawns in the game of war. What they had to
remember was that it was sometimes the pawn that took the king.
// And you’re the only one
That’s understood //
Perhaps he was the only person who saw me for who I was, and visa versa.
He’d seen me with every barrier let down; he’d seen my soul. He’d been
inside me. And there was nothing more frightening to me than that… but there
was also nothing I wanted more than to feel that complete abandon again. It
was perfection and completion and clarity all in one. He was just like me,
one of the five Gundam pilots. There could be no one better. We were
the elite, though never said it in so many words. It was only right that we
were together. We were one in the same, with the same problems and the same
cures.
The trees rustled once, and a sleek black Lamborghini pulled into the
entrance of the parking lot. It parked directly under the window I sat near,
but no one got out. I got the hint.
// I come along,
But I don’t know where you’re taking me //
I raced down the stairs, mindless of anyone staring as I flew around the
corners. They didn’t make a difference to me. There was only one thing I
wanted, and that was now on the ground floor. He knew I had been watching
him, he knew I had seen him, so he hadn’t bothered to get out, in favour of
a much more seductive mystery. I tried to slow myself down; even now I
didn’t like to appear to him with much of a weakness… it was an on-going
competition to one-up each other.
I got down and out the front doors of the Preventers HQ in record time,
slowing to a walk as I rounded the corner where Duo sat. I couldn’t see his
face from outside, but the passenger door to the Lamborghini rose up as I
approached, so I could look inside. I sunk down into the leather interior,
and glanced across at my inventive lover- looking for some clue of the
coming events. Strangely, he wasn’t dressed up. He wore a pair of tight
Levi’s, stained with oil and grass and grease, and a tight black Nine Inch
Nails t-shirt… the same thing as he would have been wearing if he were
working at Hilde’s breaker’s yard. I guess I was expecting something less…
normal, like he was planning to take me to a restaurant or go clubbing or
something. But, no… I didn’t really care though, he was beautiful whatever
he wore… and that glint in his eye told me he was certainly up to something.
// I shouldn’t go,
But you’re wrenching, dragging, shaking me //
Without a word of greeting, he closed the door and swung the car out of the
parking lot. I noticed he took a turn that took us in the opposite direction
to our apartment. I looked in the back of the car, but he hadn’t brought
anything with him. He glanced over to me occasionally, but neither of us
said a word. I wasn’t going to even bother asking him where we were going; I
knew he wouldn’t tell me. He just took us through the city in a rush, taking
us down streets I didn’t even know existed. He was deliberately trying to
disorientate me, so I didn’t know where we were going to end up.
// Turn off the sun
Pull the stars from the sky //
We hit the fringes of the city, travelling fast through suburbia until we
came to a wooded area. There was road lined with trees that remained a
healthy green no matter what the weather. Duo drove easily, and the sand and
gravel and earth pathway crunched and slid nicely as he turned into the
driveway of a small wooden cabin. He looked over at me, and smiled somewhat
maliciously as the door on my side automatically opened.
I stepped out, and he met me, waiting until he was behind me as I walked to
the door. He placed a hand at the base of my spine and guided me towards the
entrance, as he reached into his other pocket for a key. He unlocked the
door, and let me go in first. It didn’t go unnoticed to me that he locked
the door behind him.
The cabin was just one room. A shower in one corner, a kitchen area and
table in the other- but the entire room was dominated by a huge four-poster
bed, with blood red silk drapes hanging from the roof of the bed and from
the window frames. I just watched, smirking slightly, as Duo made his way
systematically around the room, closing the curtains over each of the
windows in turn… darkening the entire room except for an eerie red glow. I
took a couple of steps further into the room, and Duo gestured with one hand
to the bed. I sat down on the edge of it, still smiling at him.
"Strip," he said.
// The more I give to you
The more I die //
His harsh command took me by surprise, but it also gave me an idea of what
he had in store. I didn’t have it in me to object. I didn’t want to.
He sat down on one of the chairs in one area of the room and I loosed the
knot in my tie and slid it off over my head, leaving it to lie on the floor.
I locked eyes with him as I began to slowly undo the buttons on the front of
my shirt. He just sat there, completely unaffected, not taking his lustful
eyes off of mine, legs and arms crossed as he watched. His braid was slung
absently over his shoulder, and I longed to touch it, unravel it and run my
fingers through it. I could get lost for days in his mass of chestnut hair.
// And I want you //
I slipped the cotton of the shirt off over my shoulders, and rose to my feet
as I did so. It hung at the bend of my arms for a moment, and then slid
silently off me, falling to the floor in a crumpled heap. His eyes followed
its movements- and then his gaze raked back over and up my chest to meet
mine. I could never get over quite how good his eyes were… the unusual pools
of violet that could display any and every emotion simultaneously without
making it seem odd. You wouldn’t find eyes like that on anyone else in the
universe but Duo Maxwell…
// And I want you //
My hands moved enticingly down my torso, and I began to slowly fumble with
my belt clasp as I toed off my shoes. I kicked them away, and pulled the
belt out of the loops in my slacks. His smile widened slightly, and he moved
a hand to rest a finger knowingly on his lips. All I wanted to do was jump
over to him, rip off his clothes and tell him to take me however he wanted.
It was taking all my self-control to not try and take command of the
situation. But I knew what he wanted today…
// And I want you //
I would have been the glad to get the trousers, they just seemed to be
getting tighter and tighter. Duo watching me so avidly was turning me on
even more than all the possibilities that had been rushing through my head.
My head was working a mile a minute with possible situations and ideas that
Duo could have planted in his head, but I wanted him to run the show. As I
said before, he would think of something that my imagination wouldn’t even
stretch near to.
I pulled off my socks while still standing, and undid the fly on my
trousers, stepping backwards and kicking them away as I wriggled out of
them. I stood there in a pair of ordinary white briefs, but I could see the
twinkle in Duo’s eyes all the same. He nodded as I looked at him
questioningly, and I slipped my thumbs into the waistband of the briefs, and
slipped the down my legs. I stepped backwards again, and found myself
sitting on the huge bed. I wriggled backwards, so I was about in the middle,
and raised my knees slightly. I knew exactly what Duo couldn’t resist.
// And I want you… //
// You are the perfect drug,
The perfect drug,
The perfect drug… //
He slowly rose from the chair and made his way over to stand at the end of
the bed. I lay there, staring up at him from between my legs. I saw his eyes
drink in every part of me, everything exposed to him.
After a moment, he moved around to one side of the bed, and opened a drawer
in one of the small bedside cabinets. He pulled out a small bundle of red
cloth, and I eyed it suspiciously. He noticed my hesitation and began to
explain and he wrapped slender fingers around my right wrist.
"Just relax," he said, removing a strip of red material from the bundle. He
gently brought my hand up to one of the bedposts. "I’ve hired this place for
three days." He wrapped the red cloth tightly around my wrist, and knotted
it. It shone and felt smooth against my skin, like silk. I wouldn’t put it
past him. "We’re miles away form civilisation…" he looped the other end of
the silk around the bedpost and knotted it tightly, pulling it a couple of
times to make sure it wouldn’t come loose. Then he moved around the bed,
aware of my eyes glued to him, and copied his movements on my other arm.
"So, you can make as much noise as you want."
// You are the perfect drug,
The perfect drug,
The perfect drug… //
I smiled at him, not entirely aware of what he was doing. Even if it was
him, I wasn’t entirely sure if I liked the idea of being tied to anything. I
preferred to be in control… But then again, perhaps this wasn’t a half bad
idea. Duo stood at the end of the bed again, and I looked at him over my
knees. Noticing my trouble with seeing him, he placed a gentle but firm hand
on each knee, and pushed them away from each other, so my legs lay almost as
spread as they would go. He eyed parts of me that I couldn’t see, and then
moved up to my side again, holding the last strip of red silk. "Head up," he
said. I did so. He wrapped the silk around my head, over my eyes. I tensed
as he began to tie a knot. "Just calm down, I’m not going to hurt you…
much." He laughed as he made sure I couldn’t see anything. I didn’t say a
word.
// You make me hard
When I’m all soft inside //
The darkness was everywhere. My senses were suddenly on alight. I didn’t
think I’d felt quite like this before, even when piloting zero. I could feel
every little movement of the air in the room. It ran across my skin, toying
with my senses, sending ripples and chills up my spine. The silk was
tantalising against my skin, offering the little stimulation I could get. I
had also surmised that the bed sheets were made of a similar fabric,
rustling when I moved. I could hear Duo moving about the room, but his
footsteps were quiet- stealth having always been his speciality. There was
the ripping sound of a match against lighter paper; I guessed he was
lighting a candle or something else I couldn’t see. Then there was his
foreboding, quick exhalation of breath as he extinguished the match. He had
been somewhere over to my right, but now he was nowhere to be found again.
// I see the truth
When I’m all stupid eyed //
His movements were only a slight shuffle that only the Perfect Soldiers ears
would have picked up on. And, certainly, deprivation of one sense heightened
the other four to amazing levels. I couldn’t help but wonder what he was
about to do, the suspense was killing me. The problem being that my
imagination wasn’t great at the best of times- let along tied to a bed with
a raging hard-on. He could have done anything to me while I was lying here.
// You go straight
Through my heart //
Suddenly, a patch of heat passed over me- a soft caress of breath against my
cheek- sending a tingle up my spine, causing my entire body to shiver. Then,
warmth brushed my lips, left again and then returned- hot and firm and
gentle all at the same time. All I could feel was Duo’s mouth against mine,
everything abandoned into the darkness that engulfed me. His tongue probed,
and I willingly parted my lips for him- allowing that hot, wet muscle to
intrude, so I could taste him properly.
Suddenly he left my mouth, in favour of planting a hot, wet kiss on my jaw,
and then fleeting butterfly kisses were laid in a trail up to my ear.
Feeling nothing but the gentle warmth, teasing and then leaving- I moaned
deep in my throat. I could feel Duo smile against my skin, a soft chuckle
escaping him. He trailed up to my ear, pausing to run a tongue around the
lobe, nipping the flesh softly between him teeth. I shivered. And then his
mouth began to move down across my chest…
// Without you
Everything just falls apart //
A path of fiery pleasure running down my chest… and then it suddenly ran
cold. He was gone again, and me ears strained to locate my crafty lover. My
chest still burned for his caress, but the only thing that would quench that
fire was his return. I could hear him move about the bed… around to the
other side, but I could not work out what he was doing. A chill ran across
my body again, like someone had opened up a window and it was snowing
outside- though I knew it was like an Indian summer outdoors. I whimpered.
// My blood
Wants to say ‘Hello’ to you //
Each of my nerves was on fire, shivers and tingles coming from impossible
places- and my brain wasn’t exactly helping me gain control. I was away;
eyes probably rolled up into my head… the endless options… I could feel him
moving around, but I couldn’t tell what he was doing…
// My fears
Want to get inside of you //
I couldn’t believe I was doing this, and it was taking all my self-control
not to try and escape. This was 15 years worth of intensive training down
the drain. It half made me wonder why I was doing it- was it just ‘kinky
thrills’ or was it something more? I knew we hadn’t lived out all of Duo’s
fantasies yet, but… was it a more internal thing? Did Duo finally feel the
need to do this to me after all the times I had treated him badly- like when
I punched him in the gut to make it look like there had been a fight between
the two of us and Trowa. Or was it that Duo needed to clarify that he still
had the control in the relationship, since I was mostly seme…? Or was it me
who needed this? A dive into reality, and opportunity to let go? Duo did
have a habit of seeing me like that…
// My soul
Is so afraid to realise //
It sent another tingle rushing up my spine, but this time it was more mental
than physical. The fear hit me like a wall- and the excitement heightened
along with it. I could feel my mouth curve into a frightened smile, and I
could do nothing to stop it. My wrists were straining against the
restraints- I knew that I could probably break them easily if I wanted to,
but my mind was holding me back- my training the only thing forcing me on.
// Everything little thing
Is left of me //
I was close to breaking point- but then a warm hand was placed on my chest,
and I immediately calmed. I knew exactly why I was doing this. I was doing
it because I loved him. And because he loved me…
// And I want you //
Duo was perfect… and purer than I could ever be. Those perfect looks were
just the surface, the braid that swayed and brushed against the curve of his
ass as he walked… The violet eyes that seemed deeper than space itself… The
devilish features that had been hardened off into manhood after years of
life on the streets of L2…
// And I want you //
But that wasn’t it. Not only was he the most beautiful man I had ever met-
he was also the kindest, and the cleverest, and the most understanding. Duo
had a way of seeing things alike no one else- a unique perspective on life.
It was amazing how all his years on his own hadn’t skewed his vision of
other people- he was still just as trusting as ever, and amazingly outgoing.
It was superb, he was just so strong…
// And I want you //
And Duo was all I needed to survive. He was like oxygen, like water, like…
like… without him I would die- everything would fall to pieces. He knew what
to do and when, he knew everything about me- and I knew everything about
him, even if I hadn’t always been good at showing my emotions. But there was
nothing more I needed than him…
// And I want you //
// You are the perfect drug,
The perfect drug,
The perfect drug… //
Duo’s hand didn’t move from my chest- but the bed dipped down as he
transferred his weight to it. I kept my legs spread, and I felt him crawl
over to kneel between them. Bare skin brushed tenderly against my thigh. He
resumed his trail from earlier, lips brushing lightly against my chest-
running across my collarbone and over heated flesh. He was moving so slowly…
I cried aloud at such a miniscule stimulation. I pulled against the
restraints again, but I wasn’t trying to get away.
// You are the perfect drug,
The perfect drug,
The perfect drug… //
Duo’s mouth moved- but he ran a warm finger up my side- right the way up to
my arm. I shivered and moaned again- for some reason I just couldn’t keep
quiet today… His hand moved slowly and enticingly down my side again, and
rested on my hip- keeping me still. I could hear nothing but my own heavy
breathing and my heartbeat- the loud rushing of my blood in my ears.
// You are the perfect drug,
The perfect drug,
The perfect drug… //
Duo’s lips fell over mine, and I moaned into the kiss. His mouth wandered
down again and met with one of my nipples- sending me arching away from the
bed with a cry. He held me still, and proceeded to suck and lick expertly at
the hardened nub of flesh- bringing his teeth down on it once or twice,
making my cock twitch in response, before moving to the other nipple. All I
could feel was his mouth there, but there was a little tickle as one of his
hands moved up from between my thigh and…
// You are the perfect drug,
The perfect drug,
The perfect drug… //
"Duo!!" I cried as he took my arousal into his hand and pumped it slower
than I thought possible. I was on fire- I could have come right then and
there, but he wasn’t about to let me get that far. I was on edge, every
touch like razor blades and sandpaper to my skin. And yet, there was total
darkness- multicolour flashes passing my vision every couple of seconds,
like fireworks of ecstasy in my head. I threw my head back against the
pillow- but there was nothing I could do to help myself. I wanted to touch
him- I wanted to touch myself, for Christ’s sake. There was nothing more in
this world…
// You are the perfect drug,
The perfect drug,
The perfect drug… //
Duo stroked me up and down, and I writhed beneath him. He tried to keep me
still with the vice-like hand on my hip and the mouth still roaming over my
chest. He somehow managed to elicit an incoherent string of moans and curses
from me- I don’t think I’d ever made quite so much noise in my entire life.
Trust Duo- it’s all his fault… I could hear him chuckle as I moved beneath
him. I could just imagine him gazing down on me, that goofy grin across his
face, the sparkle in his eyes, and his warm hands on my skin…
// You are the perfect drug,
The perfect drug,
The perfect drug… //
And then he was gone again. His hand moved, his mouth moved, and everything
suddenly went cold. I whimpered again with the loss.
And then there was warmth again. I suddenly stilled as I felt it. This
slight warmth just above the head of my cock, my mouth opened in a silent
‘o’, I knew exactly where he was. "Heero…" Duo whispered, sending
electricity up my spine, his voice thick with passion. "You look good enough
to eat." And he suddenly plunged down upon me. I screamed so hard it hurt- I
had never done that. All I could feel was this warm heat, this was the
hardest I had ever been, I was sure of it. I wished I could see him, see his
face as he worked. But I could have nothing but this, there was nothing
better, nothing could surpass Duo… He was a high that even out ruled a
pharmaceutical product.
// You are the perfect drug,
The perfect drug,
The perfect drug… //
I was soaring higher and higher… like an eagle. There was darkness and
light… and everything in between. Nothing else but Duo, but I couldn’t see
him. I just knew it. He was the one thing my mind managed to focus on- him.
And that was it, that flash of white light, the rushing in my ears, and my
own distant screams as I leapt over the edge. It felt like an explosion
ripping me apart- and everything rushed away from my grasp.
// (Take me…) (With you…)
(Take me…) (With you…)
(Take me…)
Without you…
(With you…)
Without you everything falls apart //
I floated slowly back to reality, my eyes opening to find only blackness. I
felt like I had passed out or something, but I didn’t think so. Through the
haze I noticed another intruder… Duo lay heavy up against my chest, waiting
for me to come back down. There was a hand down between my legs, a slick
digit wiggling near my entrance. I smiled, and felt warmth lowered over my
lips. I willingly opened my mouth to Duo, tasting myself on him. "Fuck…" I
whispered as he drew away slowly.
// (Take me…)
Without you…
(With you…)
It’s not as much fun to pick up the pieces //
Duo took his hand away from my entrance just long enough to grab my ankles
and hook my legs up over his shoulders. Trying to make sure we were both
comfortable, he shifted there a couple of times, and then reached back down.
He paused a moment to fondle my sac, and then reached back behind- plunging
two lubed fingers deep inside of me with a single, swift movement. I cried
out again, I was glad Duo had rented this cabin, by now one of our
neighbours would have surely called the police- especially since they didn’t
know we were both gay.
Another finger was added to the collection inside of me, and Duo delved
deeper. I yelped as he hit that little cluster of nerves that he had taught
me to love so much over the last few years. I was straight back to the same
state I had been in minutes ago- so close- and all that Duo had to do was
touch one spot…
// (Take me…) (With you…)
(Take me…) (With you…)
(Take me…)
Without you…
(With you…)
Without you everything falls apart //
He hit that spot a couple of times, pulling in and out, fucking me with his
fingers… I was right there, standing looking over the edge of that cliff,
ready to jump again- but he was holding me back again.
The fingers suddenly left, accompanied by one of my now commonplace
whimpers, only to be replaced my something a lot thicker and harder. Duo had
both hands gripped hard to my hips- fingernails digging in and undoubtedly
breaking the skin. That delicious combination of both pleasure and pain was
just bringing me closer and closer… He slowly moved inside me, in and out,
giving me time to adjust to the new intrusion. I could only envisage him in
my head, sitting there, between my legs, as close to the edge as me, but
having to hold back. I could see him bite his lip as he slowly pumped in an
out of me… he was so beautiful.
// (Take me…)
Without you…
(With you…)
It’s not as much fun to pick up the pieces //
His movements build in speed and strength- egged on by my cries of
encouragement, and I was soon shaking in his grip again. His moans and cries
had joined my own, melding everything into one. I could tell from the way
his hands shook at my hips that he was even closer than I was. He was
brushing my prostate with every hit, now, and I was sure that one single
touch to my cock could bring me off.
// (Take me…) (With you…)
It’s not as much fun to pick up the pieces //
Duo suddenly leaned forwards, his hands leaving my hips, and I felt a
scrabbling at the back of my head. The next thing I knew, light hit my eyes,
and I was blinking to regain sight. Everything lost its blur- and Duo
kissed me again, hot and passionate. I had to force myself to keep my eyes
open for him. He looked down at me, something that I could only describe as
desperation and lust in his eyes, as he moved into me even harder. He panted
as he moved, but kissed me again, and then whispered, "I love you, Heero,
thank you," just the second before he released himself inside of me. The
warmth spasmed through me like a lake. He didn’t even need to touch me
before I came- the heat inside of me fuelling the most intense thing I had
ever felt.
// (Take me…) (With you…)
It’s not as much fun to pick up the pieces //
"Ai shiteru, Duo," I whispered, just before the darkness hit me again.
// Without you,
Without you everything falls apart
Without you,
Without you it’s not as much fun to pick up the pieces… //
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