Another Version of Events
by Karan Seraph
Chapter 17
Perhaps it was normal for men to feel they should sleep after orgasm, but Heero hadn't felt like sleeping. After not-thinking so much he wanted the comfort that thinking could provide him. He had thought about things while he got a quick shower. He had thought about things while he cleaned up the bedroom. He had thought he should place a wastebasket near the bed when he found the knotted blue condom on his floor where Duo had left it. There was just something wrong about seeing that milky substance through the translucent blue, as if it been ejected from Duo's body with that powder blue color.
After that eight minutes had still not passed. Heero considered getting back into bed, if he really started to think about Duo as a lover, he would have no problem becoming soon aroused. But, he had been thinking about Duo and other topics in general and he thought that more sex would have to wait.
The whole safe sex discussion had been so much more awkward than they planned. Heero knew that Duo loved him, but Duo hadn't said it, in English, or exactly. Duo didn't seem to know that Heero knew.
And, as good as the sex had been, which was the best sex Heero had ever had, Heero still thought he must technically be a virgin. He wasn't sure that psy sex counted, and if it could, he thought it should be more intentional. People that had wet dreams were considered virgins if they only ever climaxed accidentally and had never been brought off by another person. Heero must be a virgin.
That was really not part of his plan. Probably, Heero should get over his hesitation regarding anal sex. It wasn't the 'anal' part that bothered him, it was that it was sex and seemed to be considered one of the more serious and intimate sex acts. One should be very familiar and comfortable with a lover's body and their own before they did that.
Heero didn't care if Duo didn't like him saying "should." Some things were just proper and should be done.
And, he did not feel they were entirely comfortable and familiar with each other's bodies. What was required was some time naked and exploring. Maybe that wasn't the most exciting thing a couple could do, but they had not done it yet.
Another thing, Heero really suspected that Duo did not view them as a couple. Heero did not fully understand his possessive need to have Duo to himself, but he was aware of the need.
Duo looked so soundly asleep. Beautiful. He was large in comparison to Heero, but lying there, sprawled now, Heero thought yosei was a good word for him, slang usage or not. Duo was like a faerie. Well, like an elf.
Heero decided to let him sleep. He should walk Koi.
Heero had noticed when he had cleaned that some lipstick was in the bear. Heero took it out and wrote a note on the mirror over his dresser: D- Walking Koi. Getting breakfast. Stay. Back soon. H.
Heero pressed his lips in a frown as he looked at the lipstick. He had altered its angled tip with his writing. Duo might be upset. CK Moonblossom, the small round label read. Heero was not at all familiar with cosmetics and popular brands. He seemed to recall some adds with rather Duo-like spokesmodels, thin and American and sexy. Maybe they had an online outlet. If Duo complained, Heero would buy new lipstick. He doubted it could cost very much.
Heero pulled on some clothes, socks, underwear, the leggings and tank he usually wore when exercising, boots. He collected Koi, putting the dog in its harness with leash. Heero then neatly distributed his keys, money and IDs in the small pouches of a utility belt and slung that over head and shoulder to secure it.
They walked a block to where the thin strip of landscaped park bordered the skyglass. Light came up from it now, it was like a river of light, with tinted shields two meters tall at the edge of the glass and on the sides of each bridge over it to prevent the glare causing blindness or accidents for those who had to being the light's course by necessity. From further away, squinting was enough to save the eyes, like looking to the sky on Earth on a sunny day without looking directly at the image of the sun as its light reached the planet.
They walked to the bridge and taking the stairs to the pedestrian walk then ran the entire distance of the bridge across the skyglass and coming to the other side bounded down into the German Quarter.
They ran the bridge on the way back and inside the apartment ran the stairs to the fourth floor. It was hardest on Koi, but eventually the training would make such runs easy for the dog. Pharaoh Hounds were not built unlike Greyhounds. They were Mediterranean in origin and were known as sight hounds, for being able to track small game visually as well as tracking by scent. Heero was rather pleased the animal had ended up with him.
Heero hung up the leash and harness and took Koi's towel and brush from his crate in the kitchen. He rubbed Koi down and then brushed his fur, listening as he did for signs that Duo was there or awake. Finally Heero switched out the food and water bowls and then gave Koi a strip of dried meat as a treat.
Heero could hear a voice and he was pretty sure it was Duo, but it was hushed enough that Heero couldn't make out the words. The rhythm was conversational, as if there was another person involved. Headset phone, Heero guessed.
Heero walked into his bedroom. He saw Duo sitting up on the bed with the blanket covering him to the waist and a headset phone in his hair. "OK, Hilde, gotta go!" He chirped loudly. He grinned as he removed the phone. "Oi, Heero! What's up?"
He was covering something. Stealthy Duo could be; deceptive he wasn't so good at. Not when it was Heero he wanted to fool. Heero scanned the room. Duo's hair was almost entirely loose and Heero could see a long hair on the floor near his computer...
Heero darted forward and placed his hand flat on the sheets. The side of the bed Duo had not been sitting on was warm. Heero looked at his computer. Duo hadn't been able to figure out the way Heero had configured manual shutdown of the screen or activation of the savers. And there had not been time since Heero had entered the apartment for everything to time out.
Heero sat down on the edge of the futon and lifted his mobile. "What did you read?" he asked in a growl.
"Who says I read anything. Maybe I just wanted to look around, or view graphics or play some music."
"What did you read?"
"Only the file that was named after me, you can't blame me! It's named after me, so it could have been a note you left for me."
"A passworded note?"
He had read all of it, Heero thought. All of his secret file of things he was going to say to Duo in his own time:
1. I love you, Duo.
2. I have never had another sex partner besides you, Duo.
3. I am heartily sorry for having offended you, Duo.
4. You're fuckin' hot, Baby!
5. I wish for you to be mine alone, Duo.
6. I want to learn everything that pleases you, Duo.
7. I want to do everything that pleases you, Duo.
8. I don't want to sound suspicious or insulting, Duo, but I think we should talk about having sex and being safe.
9. I think I would like to go to your Prom, Duo, even if you think it stupid.
10. I want to be your lover, Duo.
11. I will not be careless with my life so long as you want me, Duo, because I do not want you to be alone ever again.
12. I would like to tell you my fantasies, Duo, because you are in them.
All of it, even the newest entries that Heero hadn't yet been able to share. Duo had read it.
"A password which I figured out too easily, Mr. Security Consultant. And since you mention it, if you're going to use someone else's designer lipstick to scrawl memos on the mirror, you could at least include 'I love you' or 'you were the best ever' or something, the very least you could do is draw a heart!"
Heero growled. He set his computer on the bed carefully, shut down and closed, then walked slowly to the dresser. He picked up the lipstick and touched it to the glass. He drew a heart and an H and a D and a plus sign and then some slashes and some arrow brackets until he had drawn out a sort of valentine.
Heero put the tube back on the dresser with a clacking sound and then moved aside. "Is that acceptably cute and sentimental?" Heero asked coldly.
"Yeah..." Duo's shoulders heaved as he sighed dramatically.
"You shouldn't have read it. I was only trying not to pressure you by saying all of that at once, and now you know... but I suppose we're even."
"We are?"
"I suppose."
"Why?" Duo asked.
Heero smirked. He really didn't feel so upset now. "Because, I also read your thoughts just after you climaxed."
"Y-you... you read my thoughts?" Duo stammered.
"They just came to me, so for all I know they were a message you meant for me to have."
"They are my thoughts."
"Yes, thy thoughts, I just overheard them. Get up and take a shower and then we can have breakfast."
Duo shrugged. He got up and walked to the bathroom. His hair was really even more impressive when loose, crimped and catching the cool beams of light that were filtered by the curtain over the window.
Heero reached behind his back and lifted the brush from the top of the dresser. As Duo walked past Heero spanked him with a backhand stroke, hitting his right buttock with the flat side of the wooden brush. Duo hissed. "That was a bit hard," he groaned.
"Do not touch my computer," Heero said icily.
"Yeah, learned my lesson," Duo warbled, rubbing his backside as he moved into the small bathroom. After a moment he called to Heero.
"Do you need anything?" Heero asked.
"Could we just pretend maybe that we don't know the thoughts that each other has had?"
"We could pretend," Heero said. He didn't think it would accomplish anything.
"Or, maybe we could just tell each other what we haven't actually said?"
Heero walked into his bathroom. Duo was sitting on a towel lain over the edge of the tub. His hair was gathered over one shoulder and hid much of his body. His eyes were low. Heero's strange warrior looked like a hurt little boy.
Heero started, "Duo, I was not angry because I was ashamed of what I wrote. Those things were true and I wanted to say them. I was angry because I was concerned for how you would feel. Duo, I don't know precisely how you feel about me, but I am absolutely sure that you would save my life if you thought I needed it. Even if the danger came from you... you would save my life by leaving. After all the things you shared in the past... the way you seem to think that you are Shinigami, or that sometimes Shinigami is something greater than yourself that chooses to toy with your life... well, I was just concerned... for you to know how much I love you and am attracted to you all at once. I thought you would think that Shinigami would take me and that you would refuse to see me anymore thinking that you would be sparing me. But, Duo, if I couldn't see you at all, I would feel dead inside."
Duo didn't speak immediately. He did nod his head several times. Heero thought Duo was saying that Heero had guessed correctly. Duo cleared his throat and spoke then in a strong voice. "Concerned about feeling dead inside."
Heero shook his head sadly. "Scared. Petrified?" Heero offered. He smiled as warmly as he knew how to as he leaned down to Duo. "Now are you going to just tell me how you feel about all this or must I run out for flavored coffee?" Heero asked as he poked Duo's chest with one finger.
Duo lifted his head and grinned. "Waiting for the urge to sing disco songs to pass..."
"I feel OK now, Duo. I wouldn't kill myself. I wouldn't try to get killed. It's OK for you to be with me. I will sur-"
Duo cut him off, startling Heero just enough that he slowly straightened and stepped back, "Do you know how hard this is for me at all?" Duo was demanding, but he quickly sucked in a breath then lowered his voice. "I can't laugh or sing right now. I'll end up joking until I distract you back into bed... fuck! We have to talk this out. Don't you think I know? I am not stupid."
"I didn't say..."
"It'll be just how I pictured it if we do it my way. I admit that I need you to work with me on this one, Heero. I've seen this in my mind. I'll be just as scared and I'll act tough and then we'll just fuck all the time... but the feelings will still be inside me and I'll take it out on you and it'll all get dark. You have me hoping here, OK? I admit it. You have me thinking there's this chance... maybe... it will be different with you."
"I have hopes too, Duo. I will not hurt you. Maybe we'll argue or something... that's normal, isn't it? But I wouldn't just leave you. I won't leave."
"You can't know that," Duo rasped. "I've had hope before."
"If something very drastic happened and I died, It would not be your fault."
Duo shook his head. "I don't want to have to mourn again."
"I want to hold you," Heero said simply. Duo stood slowly and then just remained standing limply until Heero slipped his arms about his waist. He tried reasoning with Duo. "We have been like friends I think. You admitted that you liked me and were attracted to me for a long time. I haven't gone yet."
"You did leave."
"I came back. I came back and I want to be with you." Heero squeezed Duo in his arms, gently. "I want to be your lover, Duo. I don't want to be with anyone else, just you. I love you, I know this must be love. And I am so attracted to you now that I fantasize about making love to you every day. I have this need, call it conditioning if you must, I need to feel useful and... not selfish. I need to serve, Duo. I don't mean I want to be a slave, I mean, I need to feel like I have a role and a function and that serve someone other than myself by fulfilling a necessary role, something that I am suited to. In my mind, I want to serve you by being what you need. Maybe that isn't the most mentally healthy way to be, but that is how my mind works right now."
"Yeah. I said you were good in command."
"Duo, please tell me what you want. Don't be afraid. Tell me what you really want. I think, even if your desires are not like mine, if I could be in your life and know that you were really happy, even if we were not... a couple... then maybe I would be happy too. I love you Duo, apart from all the conditioning and instability, I love you, so I need you to be as happy in life as you can be... but I would like it if I could feel like I had some large part in keeping you happy."
"I need to sit down," Duo whispered.
Heero let him go and Duo returned to the edge of the tub. He kept his eyes low. "I know what you are getting at, Heero. I know what you are really trying to say."
"You do?" Heero thought he had been speaking plainly enough.
"Listen, you know how you go to the clinic and they love to shove pamphlets at you and they have these charts that tell you that a Colonial of a certain gender and age has, on average a certain number of lovers?"
"I have seen those."
"OK, well, I imagine by now that the way I talk and flirt you must think me a complete slut."
"No."
"I would if I was you." Duo looked up for a second, "It's not true, though."
"Then...?"
"It's like, I never lied to you. I'm just kinda flirty and physical with people. You know, how I told you Hilde was? So, if you see that I hug and kiss and pet people who are just my friends you might assume that I must do more with them or that I would sleep around."
"Honestly, I don't know enough about social interaction to make that assumption," Heero said nervously.
Duo snorted a laugh. "Well, to be honest, some people do think that way. But I want you to know, that the people that I actually like and call friends are not the people I most have sex with. Hilde would be an exception, I already told you that. But, she's kinda special to me."
"I know," Heero admitted. "You like her a lot."
Duo sighed. "Heero, you are inexperienced in some ways but in others you are so serious and mature, it just blows my mind. I like it. I know that you aren't the kind of guy that does things casually. You would be the perfect boyfriend for anyone, Heero. Sure you got that Post Traumatic thing and nightmares about the war, but people could understand that about you. Otherwise, you're a pretty great guy and you could never be anyone's safety."
"I am not familiar with that usage of the word."
Duo nodded. "Hilde is like my safety girlfriend. It's OK, I'm like her safety boyfriend. You see, we're friends and we're enough attracted to each other to help each other release our frustrations and we trust each other not to be paranoid as roommates. We both would have been paranoid to have other roommates, after the war. But, we both know that we just aren't going to go any farther. It's 'safe.' You understand? It's safe to be with her because it will hurt less when she finds that person who just drives her crazy and leaves me, safe for her if that ever happens to me."
"I understand."
"Now, I gotta tell you the other part of this that you probably won't like."
"Khoroshó," Heero said in a sigh. He tried to mentally prepare himself for whatever it was.
"So, if I am not actually fucking my friends and I admit to having multiple partners, who else is there besides Hilde? Right? The obvious answer is, that I have these 'safe' partners. I let myself go all the way with them, because I know there's no way I can fall in love with them. That sounds pretty messed up, fucking around with people you don't even like, huh?"
"Well, It is not what I would do," Heero admitted, "But so far as I know that could be normal."
Duo shrugged. "Don't worry, no details. OK? I'll say this, if you look on that chart, my number is in the normal range for 19 to 23-year-olds."
"You're eighteen."
"Right. For 14 to 18-year-olds my number would be high... but you have to consider, my age is right on the border, and 14 year olds are pretty smart these days. They're pretty serious kids who survived the war but were too young to do the fighting themselves. They bring down the average. And people like you, bring down the average. And Relena. And Quatre."
"OK."
Duo sighed. "You know who one of them is. I know you don't like him. I don't like him, but, like I said, he's a safety. I'm stronger than him, I don't love him, I trust he either respects me or fears me enough to not mess with me or to let others know about the arrangement... Heero, if you told me right now to stop it, with him, I know I would. I would do that for you... but I don't know about stopping altogether."
"I don't even want Gibson to touch you!" Heero said.
Duo chuckled. "Possessive much?" He laughed, "Can't say it bothers me at the moment. Your wish is granted. He looses Duo privileges."
Heero nodded.
"Heero..."
"Hn?"
"I meant it, you'd be perfect as a boyfriend. Even if I hadn't read your computer files, or rather, even before I did, I just got the vibe that you were serious. It does scare me, but part of me really likes it. I do like you, so I wish that I could be this perfect boyfriend for you. I wish I could just want to move in with you and help you raise the puppy and do chores around the house and all that domestic shit..."
"I see."
"Are you sure?" Duo asked. "Heero, I am trying to say, that I've never done this before. Having these 'safety fucks' is cowardly as shit. I'm a complete bastard."
"Not a complete one," Heero broke in.
"What I am saying is, as wonderful as you are, you could do better. I know it. I guess it's like... when we were talking about Dorothy. You can't help who you love. You don't want anyone else, but if you did, you could pretty much have your pick. That scares me, because, honestly, I think I love you, but every time I start to think about it, I chicken out. Heero, I think: what if in the time it takes me to figure things out... what if, in the time it takes me to realize I do want what you do, you decide to find someone better?"
"You are still afraid you will hurt me. That just tells me you care."
Duo shrugged.
Heero thought about everything he had listened to Duo saying. Duo did share his desires, it seemed. What Duo did not have was the ability to follow through... presently. He was scared. Heero could understand that. Heero was afraid to mess things up and to feel dead again. His human need for affection made him feel desperate. Duo absolutely needed time to adjust to the changes between them. It was just as Duo had said earlier in the week. Duo was ready for the sex, he wasn't quite ready to be a boyfriend or anything resembling a boyfriend. Heero has already taken his time to work out his feelings and com up lacking in the physical aspects of interaction.
How could they both work this out without becoming more desperate?
"We could have a trial period and then evaluation," Heero suggested, "Maybe it is not socially correct to treat you like a piece of hardware or software, but, maybe we could agree to a sort of trial and set a time to reevaluate. Would that bother you?"
"How would that work?" Duo asked, cocking his head.
"Well, for the duration of this trial, you could promise not to bring up the possibility of me finding someone better, or to even think about whether I will leave you, and in return I promise that for the time of the trial I will not entertain other prospects, but focus on deciding how I feel about you and I being together. Also, during the trial, I agree not to bring up the subject of you having other lovers and that we will continue to have some sexual interaction, and in return you promise that you will really try to figure out if you do need others, when you have got me."
"I suppose that's fair, if you can deal with it?"
Heero though for a second. "Yes. And since we won't mention during the trial whether you have stooped seeing other people or not, we should agree to have 'safe sex' for the reasons we already discussed, just in case, ne?"
"Right, just in case. That's only wise."
Heero nodded. "But, for this to work, we have to continue to see each other. So, if we are agreeing to have this trial relationship, or whatever you call it, there should be a rule that we must continue seeing each other at least until the end of the trial. No rules for what we have to do together, so long as we get time together."
"Yeah. That's fair. You really feel OK about this?"
"Well, I think I know what I want, Duo, but, maybe it does depend on what you want. If at the end of the trial... if you announced that you wanted to keep other lovers..."
"Other sex partners while we were lovers," Duo corrected.
Heero smiled slightly, "Well, then, I would really have to consider if that was acceptable to me. I mean, I wish to please you, but I'm not stupid. I wouldn't stay in a relationship that I know would not truly fulfill my emotional needs. At this point, I am honestly not sure what I would say or what your decision would be, so we should have the trial to find out if we are compatible."
"You realize this is very, like, insanely logical?"
Heero shrugged.
"It's kind of a strange way for you to learn about socializing with a lover."
"I am not above sexual experimentation, Duo. I consider this on that sort of level. I am young. I love you. So I give it a go. I sincerely hope this convinces us to stay together. I really like so many things about you."
Duo grinned, "Just wait until I actually get a chance to show how good a lover I can be."
"Just you wait to see how many deep emotional and physical needs I can fulfill when the worry that you will leave right away or throw me out is removed," Heero said. "A trial period of guaranteed dates sounds pretty good to me. I can think of a lot of sweet and sexy things to do with you, and if you don't like one, I'll just win you back on the next date!"
"Mmmn, this could be fun! Guaranteed dates. I like that. So, how long?"
Heero smirked. "How about until your Prom? If we decide we are entirely compatible by then we celebrate in front of everyone there with formal clothing and dancing and whatever one does at Prom. And if we decide we are not entirely compatible, then, we have to decide what to do? Whether it is a matter of more time, or whether we will clearly never be compatible and we must make some agreement to keep from hurting our mutual friends by having to choose sides."
"I suppose we really would have to... be civil about it, if that happened. I don't want Relena or Quatre or anyone to hate me forever because I wasn't right for you."
"Agreed then?"
"I agree we should have the trial and Prom sounds like an acceptable close, but, there's the matter of when exactly to see each other."
"Well, you do often stay over here during the week. It would be wrong to take away very much time from schoolwork or your jobs. I may also be getting some work. The next definite job I have doesn't have to be completed until after Prom time, but something else may come up."
Duo sighed. "Well, if you are willing to travel we could work it out that we always have at least one weekend date I think. I made an exception last night, obviously. Not that I regret making that exception," Duo grinned and then looked up at Heero. "We did start out rather awkwardly, but as far as I am concerned, you are an amazing lover, Heero! It was just some fingering and a blow job, but... caliente, ya know, eh? Wasabi?"
Heero laughed. "We did have some awkward moments, but I liked doing it for you."
"So... uh... at least one weekend date is guaranteed if you can travel home with me on weekends or we can arrange something like that. Also, we can see each other during the week, but I really couldn't see you for many hours at any one time. So, let's say, one long weekend date, like a sleep over thing, and two evenings during the week? Either one of us has the right to ask if we want more, but, it's not guaranteed, so neither of us should feel bad about saying no if our three dates are already scheduled."
"Agreed. Is your Prom the 5th or the 12th?"
"The 12th."
"That's at least 17 dates," Heero said, doing the math.
"Mmmn, sounds nice, seventeen dates with Heero Yuy Perfect Boyfriend."
"I am nothing without someone to whom I may play boyfriend, so you see, that's meaningless unless I am with someone."
"Didn't like the training exercises?"
"I always told myself I was doing it to better myself for another person and that I was not spending time each day selfishly pleasuring myself where there were so many good things that need to be done in the world."
"It's really like a complex then?"
"Yes."
"So... um... do you have a problem with anal sex, Heero?"
"Why do you say that?"
"Because if I gave another person two chances to take me, they wouldn't have resisted."
"I really wanted to. It's just, that's 'going all the way,' ne?"
"I guess. Yeah. That'd definitely be considered going all the way."
"So, not something a serious boy like me would do casually on a first or second date."
Duo laughed. "I guess not."
"Besides," Heero said, "I think that you have to really trust someone or rather, you have to trust each other and really know each other's bodies before you do that, or else, it won't feel good for both people involved. And, well, I haven't done it before, I am less confident about it than some other things."
"You really think like that? You really are serious about me, huh?"
Heero rolled his eyes. He knew Duo was highly intelligent, but sometimes...
"I hope I end up deserving you. I hope I stop being running and hiding where you are concerned. You are so... beautiful."
"Beautiful," Heero repeated.
"So, um, what do you guess I would have to do to get a nice boy like you to fuck me?"
"You know that you like it a lot?" Heero asked.
Duo rolled his eyes as if this was a stupid question. "Yeah. I'm not saying I've found one person who does it for me perfectly or enough, but I've had enough of those little moments that I know I am one of those random people that can seriously get off on it. I mean, I don't guess all guys admit it, but if you know how to do them, it will feel good. But with some, you do them and they get off on it, I mean, epically. So, yeah, Shinigami's a bottom boy." He shrugged. "Doesn't mean I'm going to suddenly be girlie and submissive. Just means I want some serious dicking."
Heero was thinking he should get in the shower himself and make the water cold. Duo could be so blatant and vulgar, but it was really working for Heero. He shook himself. "So," Heero started, "If someone gave you 'serious dicking,' you might be pleased, maybe even view it as a reward?"
There was a moment of silence as Duo's mouth curled into a wide grin again. "Oh, you're a freak aren't you? Yeah. It could be a reward."
"So, if you show me you can be good, Duo-chan, and not do naughty things like touch my computer or leave used condoms on my floor then maybe you will earn the reward you wish to have."
Duo cupped a hand aside his mouth and whispered to Heero, as if there was anyone around that could have overheard or read his lips. "So, this is your first try at, uh, deeply filling my needs?"
"I said your need was deep, not the manner in which..." Heero felt very warm as he realized Duo had probably been flirting in the way he played with the words. It did seem to suggest penetration. "Right," Heero said, "I want to fill you deeply. It's just my first try. You'll have to tell me if I am not filling your particular need."
Duo wiggled his brows at Heero. He spoke in a rather soft voice then, sounding innocent. "And if I do something naughty?"
"Spankings." Heero had thought that out already.
"Well, how do I know what is naughty, Heero? I've never been trained before." Duo sounded... unbelievably sexy. Heero wondered if he had played this game before. It was by some definition a game to be played.
Heero smiled. "The very first thing you have to learn is that training is good and it helps us to better ourselves. There are different kinds of training and different trainers, ne?"
"I suppose," Duo said innocently.
"I like you a lot, but you could be better behaved. If you like, I will be your trainer, but only if you agree that you wish to better yourself for the benefit of yourself and others and that you do trust me to train you."
"Well, how do we know you're a good trainer?"
"Koi doesn't shit on the floor in my apartment. And I managed to train myself to do a few things." Heero raised a brow as he looked down at Duo.
"Well, what if I want to drop out of the program?"
"I have an opening for the semester that ends on the 12th. If you join my class, you have to stay in it until then. After that you can stop, if you like. If you slack off, you'll only be given the punishments you deserve."
Duo grinned. "Sign me up! I'm willing to try."
Heero shook his head. "First lesson, do or do not, there is no try. When you have a task to accomplish you will work at it until it is accomplished."
"Yes Heero, I will... I will."
Heero gave a nod. "Second lesson, you must trust that I am a good trainer. I will never tell you to do something pointless just to hurt you. I won't even hurt you at all. I may give you punishments, but only when you know why you deserve them, and they will never be so severe that you will be permanently marked or your health will be neglected. I mean it. I won't do that. It's training, not prison. You don't have to be afraid of me. You only have to be afraid that you will fail us both. I am confident that will not happen unless you foolishly take it upon yourself to purposely slack off."
"I understand."
"You will own yourself, but I will train you and I will take care of you. You can trust that I will protect you and take good care of you."
"Yes, I am sure you will take good care of me," Duo said, somehow making that sound naughty.
"And since we are going to try being lovers as well, you should understand that I will not order you to have sex with me. I may offer. You may offer. That will be separate from the training, however, if you behave badly while we are having sex or you behave very well, I may punish you or reward you based on that. I will not punish you for choosing not to have sex."
"I understand."
"Good."
"Will there be restraints involved?"
Heero nodded. "If you are good and you do the first task I ask you, they I will show you the special tokens you may wear. You may wear them on your person to show that you are being trained by me, Duo-chan. If you are very difficult I will attach further restraints to these items to bind you, but it will be within reason. If I find out that you let anyone else put a leash or token on you while we are training or that they used the token I gave you to bind you, I will punish you and hurt them. Understand?"
"Understood. What is my first task?"
Heero nodded again. "The object of your training will be for you to realize that you are able to be the perfect boyfriend to anyone you choose and that you can make someone very happy, so happy that any time with you will be worth the risks, even if they do die later. You will know that each day is precious as life and that you should behave properly and do what is right every day. You understand? There are things that are proper and you should do them. If you fail to do what you should, or you do what you should not, then you will earn punishment."
"That I can understand," Duo laughed.
Heero smiled. "Your first task, Duo-chan, is to take a shower with me. We will both be in the shower stall. You will wash my body efficiently and not roughly. You will allow me to wash your body in the same manner. If either of us becomes aroused, we will do nothing about it during our shower. The time will just be for washing. Sometimes people need caring for in intimate ways and we have to repress our desires because it is the right thing to do."
"And if I really can't help myself?" Duo purred.
"You would be a disappointing boyfriend if you could never control yourself. Control is admirable. Spankings if you loose control."
"I have control, or I'd be all over you already," Duo said. He gave a nod. Heero started, fully aware then that Duo had been staring at his pants and the erection he had. Duo's hair did a better job of hiding Duo's body than Heero's body conforming clothing.
"Shower first, sex later."
Duo shrugged. "Sure you're not a masochist? Isn't having to wait your problem?"
"That was naughty," Heero growled. "It is not a problem. It was one time! I would have been fine earlier if not for... whatever that inexplicable psychic orgasm was."
"I'm sorry. That was destructive. I didn't mean it."
"Go lay out clothes for us on the top of the dresser and when you are done, come back in here and get in the shower with me."
Heero watched Duo leave. Heero thought Duo could look equally gorgeous and interesting naked or clothed. And the hair, was totally impractical, but very... alluring.
Heero quickly returned all the Duo-scented bath products that he had hidden the day before to the shower. He stripped out of his clothes, putting them into the hamper and then climbed into the shower. He slid the door closed, set the water temperature then activated the spray.
The door slide open and caused a slight chill in the stall. Duo stepped up into the narrow enclosed space of the shower, grinned at Heero then closed the door.
"You first," Heero said, he signaled with a hand that Duo should move around him and step into the direct spray of water. It was already becoming quite steamy and warm through the shower, the chill gone.
Duo tested the water with a hand. "Just a little less hot, please."
"Hot water cleans better."
"I do want to get clean... Heero. I just don't want to be cooked."
Heero adjusted the temperature by several degrees. Duo was willing then to be in the water, but he pouted. Different sensitivity to temperature, or was it a difference in overall skin sensitivity. Heero wasn't sure. He decreased the temperature another degree as he pushed at Duo's shoulder, gently, to force him to wet his hair.
Heero picked up the Duo shampoo and put a large amount on his palm. He reached up and began rubbing the substance into the hair atop Duo's head.
"Had this all planned, didn't you?"
"Since Sunday."
"Sunday?"
Heero explained slowly as he scrubbed Duo's scalp. "The way you were talking about soldiers and pets and imprisonment, it made me think that... you would be pleased... to surrender some part of your will or control... that you might be excited... maybe... if I was the one who took the responsibility for..."
"That's enough scrubbing, could you just sort of massage from front to back and work the shampoo into the rest of the hair... might have to add some past the shoulders."
"Yes," Heero said, "Thank you for explaining. If we do this again you won't have to explain. I will remember what you like."
"Heero, you planned all this just because you thought I would be into it?" Duo asked, "You... ya know? Do you think you are into it?"
"I feel that I can be interested by certain types of surrender and assignment of roles. I have read about various subcultures and lifestyles. There are very many things that I am not... into."
"Yeah, but, what are you into?"
"What are you into?" Heero asked in response. He was feeling less than confident again. That was no good, especially if he was asking Duo to follow his orders. "I mean... I thought you didn't want a manual. It will be clear soon what I am offering. Perhaps if you let me keep training you, I can teach you some new tricks or games. Would you like to entertain me with some tricks or play some games with me, Duo-chan?"
"I like games."
"Then, if you are good, I might reward you sometimes by playing your favorite games, once I learn what they are. I only just started training you, Duo-chan, so I don't know everything about you yet. I will have to be observant and watch to see if you are trying to show me what you like."
"Mmmn."
"You like me washing your hair, Duo-chan?"
"Mmmn, Will you comb it out too?"
"Yes, if you can sit still and not fidget so that you make me pull your hair."
"I've grown out of that," Duo said plainly.
Heero worked the lather down the length of Duo's hair. It was quite heavy wet and even longer than it looked when dry. Heero put Duo into the water again to rinse his hair. Then there was the conditioner and its setting time. Heero guided Duo away from the direct spray. He put some of his own soap onto a synthetic washcloth that he liked and presented this to Duo.
Duo started at Heero's neck and worked down, slowly working up a lather by scrubbing with the cloth and sometimes rubbing lightly with his hands. Heero had not really known what to expect when he suggested they would wash each other. He could not remember a time when he had not washed himself. He thought that when he had been very small or comatose others had cleaned him, but Heero had no memory of what that was like.
It felt nice, Heero thought, becoming clean, having Duo close and naked and the both of them getting soapy. Yet, part of Heero felt uneasy. He wanted to snatch the cloth and wash himself, because he could do it more efficiently. Heero forced that impulse down. He had time. This way meant he got to look at Duo's wet body and not just imagine him. Duo was even touching him. It made Heero think of the strange reoccurring dream he'd had about a bathing servant.
Resisting the urge to wash himself was good training for Heero. People were often reminding him to relax. There wasn't any immediate danger. He could take time to smell roses or palm trees or Duo's shampoo.
Duo lowered himself onto his knees. Heero saw Duo's lips curl as his hands rose between Heero's legs. "Do not to anything naughty, Duo-chan," Heero warned.
"Just cleaning you, Heero," Duo said brightly, "I should hope you would do the same for me and make sure the soap gets everywhere. I wouldn't want to smell bad."
Heero chuckled a laugh, "OK," he said, "You make sure I am really clean and then I'll do you."
Duo gave a slow nod.
When Duo finally stood Heero directed him to stand under the water to rinse the conditioner from his hair. Heero washed Duo then, taking a significantly shorter amount of time than Duo had in washing him. Duo's pace had not been against any rules and he had cleaned, but the slow rhythmic movements of his hands had teased as much as they cleaned. Heero thought Duo might like the teasing, and he would like to have his hands on Duo, but Heero decided Duo needed to be taught his lesson by being washed very quickly.
Heero was thorough of course, and gentle, only his movements were quick and vigorous. Duo did not complain. In fact, he seemed to have a number of ticklish spots that made him cackle and giggle when Heero moved the cloth rapidly over them.
Heero washed his own hair while Duo washed his own face. When they were clean Heero shut off the water and helped Duo by wringing out his hair. Heero took a towel from the rack and handed it to Duo. Duo started rubbing his hair. Heero took a second towel for himself. He dried his hair enough that it didn't drip, snapped the towel then carefully wrapped it about his body. Heero lifted his comb from the sink.
"I could comb it for you," Duo said.
"No. You couldn't. Go stand in front of the dresser and wait for me. You did a good job, but I will comb my own hair."
"I get a reward, Hmmn?" Duo asked, pressing himself against Heero's back and looking hopefully at him from the mirror.
"Yes. You earned it."
Duo left the room singing something that sounded like, "I could be surprisingly good for you..."
Heero raised a brow, quickly combed his hair and washed out his mouth, all within a minute. Duo was standing in front of the mirror, a towel carelessly fallen to the floor near his feet. A comb beside the brush Heero kept on the dresser and two packets containing condoms.
Heero had to smile. It did amuse him, and Duo was incredibly sexy. "I meant clothing for us to wear."
Duo raised his arms over his head and stretched. He made it look casual but Heero felt the movement must be intended to show off Duo's body. "I'd rather wear nothing, but ya know!"
Heero gave a nod and then drew his fingertips across the small of Duo's back as he walked past him. He opened the closet and removed from the door the shopping bag in which he had placed the collar and matching articles. Heero folded his left arm and placed the set of cuffs, belt and collar in his arm, while he returned the bag to the closet.
"You really bought those for me?" Duo asked quietly.
"Yes. I want you to feel secure and safe. I thought these could help you." Heero put the pile on the bed. He picked up the collar first. He reached both hands around Duo and passed the end of the collar from hand to hand so that he could pull it up around Duo's throat and buckle it behind.
Duo looked at himself in the mirror and raised his hands to the blue velvet collar and metal hardware on it. Heero was already reaching around his body again to fasten the belt. He really wanted to throw Duo to the bed. His hair tickled Heero's chest when he leaned in to be able to reach around Duo's waist to buckle the bondage belt. Duo smelled great.
Heero stooped down to buckle the ankle restraints with attached bells. Duo began stepping, testing. Heero hurried, a little, to get the cuffs on his wrists.
Duo was his, in a manner of speaking. The trial was not over. The training had only begun, but Heero had Duo willing to start all of it with him. He had Duo in bondage accessories. He was almost fully Heero's. If Heero did not mess up then soon, Duo would really be his, and maybe for a very long time.
That was a truly exciting thought.
No rushed sloppy kiss before going off to fight and maybe to die. They had time to do kinder things to each other.
Yet, there seemed no time, as desperate as Heero felt then. Duo seemed transfixed by his image in the mirror. Heero pressed his lips to Duo's shoulder and peered around him again, to the mirror. Heero's right hand was on Duo's belt. He saw Duo's hand move over his and he felt the touch.
That fingernail polish was still in quite good condition, blue, like the color of Duo's eyes, or like his collar. His fingers left Heero's hand and moved up Duo's chest. Heero watched the mirror. Pale hand, pale chest, hard pink nipples, silver rings and glittering blue fingernails. The nail polish worked like a signing glove. It made the particular movement of his hands much more visible.
"You like to watch me?" Duo asked breathily, "I saw you watching me before."
"You are beautiful, and you know what you are doing. It does make for an attractive exhibition. But, it's naughty, because it is inconsiderate. I didn't ask you to touch yourself and I am right here with my hands on you. You could wait."
"I can't wait. Touch me," Duo said, rocking his hip to give Heero's hand a light jolt.
Heero picked up the brush and the comb from the dresser. "I have to comb all your hair, Duo-chan, so I can't touch you now, even though I want to, but I give you my permission to touch yourself without offending me, while I am combing your hair."
"Any time you comb my hair, or just this time?" Duo laughed.
"At least this time." Heero knelt on the floor then and began to comb the ends of Duo's hair.
"May I pretend you are the one touching me?"
"Yes. I will not be offended by that." Heero smiled to himself as he combed. He rather liked the idea of Duo fantasizing about him. He wanted to put his hands all over Duo. He wanted to suck at his mouth and his skin. Heero thought he might want to bite... gently of course.
From the angle of Heero's gaze toward the mirror much of Duo was visible to him. He could clearly see Duo's face and most of his body, except for the legs, which He had before him. For a minute Heero watched Duo's eyes, the way he searched the mirror for Heero, the way he tracked the movement of his own hands.
Heero began tracking Duo's hands, following his long slender fingers and that deep blue nail polish. Those fingers could draw a gun even quicker than Heero could, or pocket a wallet. Heero thought of those fingers on cockpit controls. He thought about being inside the cockpit of Duo's Gundam in his flightsuit and Duo's fingers opening the seals on his suit to gain access to his body.
Heero shivered. Duo's fingers reaching into his tight clingy clothing. Duo's fingers on his penis.
Just comb the hair. Comb the hair. Comb the hair.
Heero had a vision of Duo's fingers combing the dark hair around his penis.
Heero shook himself. He was standing on his knees and his hands pulled the comb quickly and neatly through Duo's warm brown, vanilla-scented hair. Heero peered around Duo's hip to look at the mirror again.
Duo's fingers were combing his own pubic hair.
"Duo."
"Mmmn?"
"I was just thinking how great it would be if we were in a cockpit and you opened my flightsuit and curled your fingers into my hair."
Duo gasped softly. Heero saw his eyes flash open in the mirror. "I was just thinking we were in one of the Gundams and you were reaching into my flightsuit with your gloves still on..."
"Interesting." Heero kissed Duo's hip, just below the belt, then stood up. His knuckles touched Duo's butt as he gathered hair to comb it. "I want to grab your ass and take you in my mouth and just devour you," Heero said plainly.
"Uhn, yeah."
Heero saw Duo's hand curl around his dick. He wanted it to be his hand, but he was combing Duo's hair. He couldn't just stop. He'd given himself a mission. He had to successfully comb Duo's hair. He would feel good when he did. He would feel bad if he didn't.
Heero forced his eyes to Duo's back and the hair that fell against it. He combed quickly, combing tangles down and picking them loose. Heero tried to comb faster. Every time he combed it made the scent of spice and vanilla more intense. That just made him want Duo.
It was torture.
Heero made himself keep doing it.
Maybe Duo really wasn't alone in being screwed up.
This was so... frustrating! He wanted to eat breakfast, he wanted Duo's hair to be combed perfectly for him so Duo would be pleased, he desperately wanted to not be a virgin, now! It wasn't even the virginity so much, as he was so aroused by everything about Duo.
It seemed insane that they hadn't yet eaten breakfast at this hour, but at the same time it seemed insane not to be having sex somewhere in the apartment.
Finally, the hair was damp but sleeky falling without a tangle. Heero dropped the brush and comb and his towel and he was between Duo and the mirror in a second. He raised a hand to Duo's collar and wound two fingers through the ring, and tugged. "Now. Please."
Duo leaned; Heero sat down on the surface or his dresser. There was a heated kiss as Duo palmed the condoms beside Heero, flashed the labeled packets and took charge of rolling each on.
Just a couple seconds after Heero had finished brushing Duo's hair, Duo was already on his knees and sucking Heero's erection into his mouth. Heero screamed soundlessly. Nothing had felt this good before. It was Duo Maxwell in his bedroom, on his knees and inexplicably taking Heero down the throat.
Heero combed his fingers into Duo's hair and then made fists. He closed his eyes. "I love you!" he whispered.
Duo didn't form words, but he made loud delicious sounds and his fingers traveled Heero's thighs and chest.
Heero's usual sense of time was totally disturbed, along with the entire universe as he felt the orgasm, so he had no idea how long Duo had been there. There were no strange visions this time, just the... total meltdown of his brain for what seemed like a long time. No thought, no numbers or nightmares or time.
It was brilliant, like what self-detonating should be like. He should just die in a flash and then be at peace.
"Une petite morte..."
"Shi-chan at your service," Duo chuckled, "I was glad to take that part of you."
Amazing, he went right back to joking about Death.
What was this feeling? Everything moved so slowly. Funky?
"Heero?" Duo was calling him. Heero felt his face grinning. Duo had really just gone down on him and probably 'deep throated' and he'd climaxed. Yes. That had just happened. "Yes, I know, I am quite good at that," Duo said, maybe he was being facetious. "Look, here, it's slipping. You really gotta take care of that."
Heero bowed his head. That was his body with the obnoxious blue condom heavy and slipping from his penis. Heero gave a nod, slowly coming back to reality. It had never felt so disorienting and so good and... so hot when he had been by himself. Even the psy sex hadn't felt quite like this. What had Duo said earlier that day? 'Only a blowjob.' So, maybe going further could sometimes feel even better than this?
Was it the orgasm that was different or the build up or was it less tangible than that?
"Heero."
"I see it." Heero snatched the condom and knotted the end. He opened the drawer to his side and retrieved a box of PMTs.
"Back among the living yet?" Duo asked. He was sitting on the end of the bed, sprawled somewhat and in all his bondage gear. The bangs lacked their usual fluff and the dampness made all his hair more straight and dark. He could be Death. Heero could be his lover.
"Duo."
"You want to come over here?"
Heero sort of let his body fall into the bed. He landed atop Duo, with arms about his shoulders and tangled in his hair. They kissed.
"Just put your hand on me, will you?"
"Aa..." Heero moved a hand down Duo's back and then reached between their bodies.
"I'm much too worked up over you. Not half a minute, I bet. Just keep your hand on me and keep your eyes open, OK?"
"As you wish, Duo-chan, you are my favorite."
Heero felt that Duo still had the condom on, for whatever he had expected might happen, or perhaps just in case. It was slick, having lubricant on the outside and Heero's hand slid over his dick easily.
Duo's lips were on his and then Duo was whispering to him. Whispering and jingling as his legs moved, and generally writhing in Heero's grasp to be as close as possible. "You scared me so bad, Heero. You hardly made a sound all the time I was on my knees. I think you actually stopped breathing.
Heero couldn't recall that he had been conscious of it at the time, but he believed Duo. "I never called out when I was alone either."
"Everyone takes it differently, but if you stop breathing on me, I'll slap you 'til I hear you draw breath, got it?"
"It just happens that way," Heero said defensively.
"Well, sensei or no, I'm slapping you if you quit breathing. You can spank me later. I want you alive."
"I will spank you later," Heero chuckled.
Duo kissed Heero with his breath and then licked at his lips. "Heero... will you look right at me when you make me cum? Look at me, please. Do it now."
Heero fixed his eyes on Duo's eyes. They were so dark and wide. He only had to squeeze a little and Duo's whole body stilled then shook in his arms. All the time, Duo stared at him and Heero felt as if he could really see into his soul.
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