AC 207, 25/07
Memoirs of a Warrior
That cursed storm has finally abated, so perhaps Quatre would see fit to let me go now. It is not that I do not appreciate their company, I just wish it was under different circumstances. This sort of idling is not for me, not when there is work to be done.
Sally insists she can handle things alone for a while, and that she in any event has instructed the office not to give me any details until I get back - and not until August first, earliest. She seems very determined that I 'relax', even though all this is causing the exact opposite.
It would not surprise me if she is perfectly aware of this, and only seeks to agitate me, or test my patience. She knows I have little enough of that. If I consider the whole thing a training session, it at least becomes bearable.
In a few days, it will all be back to normal, or as normal as this mad world will permit. When I return, it is certain Sally will ask about my stay, about what I bring back from my vacation. I am tempted to say nothing, but would not be the truth. These past weeks have given me slight insights into my old comrades, and to some extent an understanding why they have taken other paths. We all want to improve the world, but in our own ways.
I seek to discipline the world, make people understand the values of order, of how violence will not gain you anything, but will rob you of everything.
Quatre tries to breathe life into the dying embers of ambition in the populace, make them want to pick up plowshares rather than swords, show them the benefit of making a living for yourself.
Trowa seeks to revitalize the heart and soul of the people, remind them how to laugh, how to be amazed, amused, how to share high spirits.
Duo helps people pick up the pieces, clear away the sins of old and build new shelters to weather the storms of deep space, of the future.
Heero is set on educating the masses, teaching them what wonders science can bring, if the resources are not targeted towards weapons and destruction, but to the creative, constructive, ingenious.
We, and so many others, are shaping the world to come. Despite our efforts, none of us can do that alone. We can but do our part, and hope others are inspired to help.
To make everyone share such lofty goals is another matter entirely. What is our ideal future is the dystopian nightmare of others. As they say, the freedom fighter of one man is the terrorist of another. There are at least two sides in any war, and ten times as many views.
I blurted out these thoughts to Duo and Heero yesterday during another practice match - not certain of why, perhaps I craved a test audience for my words, to have some idea of how Sally might accept them, and then hopefully give me a clearance for active duty again. To my surprise, Duo did not say a single word of ridicule, and Heero did not start picking apart every poetic phrase and inconsistency. Instead, Duo paused, stared at me, and told me that was just perfect. Heero looked less certain, but nodded nevertheless.
Come to think of it, I have been spending a lot of time with Heero and Duo these last few days. Trowa has kept to himself, and our gracious host has been conspicuously absent. Perhaps they will join us for dinner today, I need to have a few words with Trowa, so if he remains a no-show, I presume I will have to seek him out.
Returning from the library yesterday afternoon, I asked Rashid about Quatre's whereabouts, and he seemed a bit flustered about the question. He said Quatre had received some urgent business he had been forced to attend to, and had asked Rashid to convey his apologies for his absense. Rashid did as much, and rushed off to organize the clean-up effort following the storm.
The whole scene disturbed me. Lies are not becoming of Rashid, and I am almost certain that he lied. Still, Quatre must have his reasons for the secrecy. I just hope he is not planning some kind of surprise party to signal the end of our stay here.
Perhaps I have been in the trenches for too long. I have grown a dislike for surprises, since in war situations, they can be fatal. Whatever Quatre is brewing, it can only be benign.
It still gives me the same unease as a deep grin on Duo's face, though.
'Grow a tree for ten years; grow men for a hundred.'
- Chang Wufei