Two Weeks in a Virginia Jail
by Casey Valhalla
Wufei asked me, not long ago, why I do these things.
I remember that conversation, sitting here in my little cell, waiting for the OZ officials or grunt guards to show up again, steeling both my will and my patience for when they do. Being bait has never been my forte, by any means, but I'm willing to sit here and take whatever comes for a few more days. Days are nothing, just notches in time, minuscule in relation to the larger sense of the universe. The days are irrelevant. The pain is irrelevant. The uselessness is irrelevant. I'm here, and I'm here for a reason, and I'm not moving until it's time.
[ two weeks in a Virginia jail
for my lover, for my lover ]
It's mid-spring on Earth, in the old south of what used to be America; I know because the morning air was chill and left a dew on the grass where I waited outside the compound for the go-ahead - a decoy infiltration meant to distract OZ long enough for a second operative to complete a stealth mission and plant a bug in the facility's computer. Not as easy as it sounds, let me assure you.
I agreed to act as the distraction. I wasn't ordered to. I wasn't weaseled into it.
So, why do I do these things?
[ twenty-thousand dollar bail
for my lover, for my lover ]
If I hadn't, he'd be the one sitting here now, in this cell, shivering, stomach gnawing on his spine, waiting for the next interrogation session. Waiting to get beaten up and injected with truth serum.
He wasn't happy about it, but I can be just as stubborn as he is when I want to be.
[ and everybody thinks that I'm the fool
but they don't get any love from you ]
Wufei asked me why I was willing to stick my neck out like this, always, willing to compromise myself and possibly the mission just to protect him, when I won't do the same for any other reason. He asked me why I was such a damned idiot whenever it came to him.
[ the things we won't do for love ]
I smile at that, even though my right cheek is badly bruised and it hurts to smile. Yes, Wufei, I am a damned idiot. And if it keeps us both alive, I'm damned proud of it.
A small gathering of soldiers begins convening outside my cell, and I stand up, shackled wrists in front of me, prepared to run the gauntlet once again. For my lover.
[ I'd climb a mountain if I had to
and risk my life so I could have you ]
I'm waiting...
[ you you you you you you... ]
Another Q&A, military standard. The drugs make me giddy, but I'm far too well trained for them to get through that easily. One of the soldiers has a doctorate in psychology, and I imagine he's got the idea his head that he's getting through to me. The same as yesterday, thrown questions and thrown punches interspersed with psychobabble. It would be funny if it wasn't starting to get annoying.
[ every day I'm psychoanalyzed
for my lover, for my lover ]
"We know you have a second operative."
Well, that's new. But they could be bluffing, so I don't react. "Do I, now? Does that mean I can expect to get out of this shithole soon?"
I realize what I said and chuckle to myself. I'm starting to sound just like him.
[ they dope me up and I tell them lies
for my lover, for my lover ]
"It's 02, isn't it, kid? There are rumors about the two of you, you know."
I knew about that. I think I let it leak out the last time I played bait for these fish. Perhaps I'll let them think their little bluff is working for a while; I manage an unsettled expression.
"Heh, thought so. Bet you'd have a problem if we took him out on sight, wouldn't you?"
"That depends. How good is your vision?"
"Answer the damned questions. We know 02 is here somewhere, and I will give orders to have him killed if you don't start cooperating."
"If he's already here, it's too late. Good luck trying to find him." Definitely a bluff. I did answer honestly, though.
"Fucking little cocksucker, I'll have you-"
"I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't insult my oral abilities, thank you very much."
I'm definitely staring to sound like him.
[ and everybody thinks that I'm the fool
but they don't get any love from you ]
I don't think I ever explained it well enough to Wufei for him to understand. Not about me, anyway. I remember leaving him in quiet contemplation after that conversation; he was remembering something, analyzing it. Someday, I think, I'll ask him about that.
And I think soon he'll understand why.
[ the things we won't do for love
I'd climb a mountain if I had to
and risk my life so I could have you ]
And I'm still waiting...
[ you you you you you you you... ]
Night falls early in my little cell, but at least they bring me a small meal. Not really filling, and pretty much flavorless, but it takes the edge off my hunger and the woozy aftereffects of the drugs. And I lay in the little cot, as I have every night here, watching a small, bare patch of moonlight on the floor, and miss him.
Why do I do these things?
[ I follow my heart, and leave my head to ponder
deep in this love no man can shake ]
I fall into a light doze, still alert but resting. Willing my body to heal faster. Hoping they don't decide to try for more drastic measures tomorrow. I don't want to chance an escape attempt with a broken limb or two to deal with. Sure, I could do it, but I'd much rather not.
Just as I think this, a sound in the distance yanks me from my drowse. An explosion. Despite myself, I grin into the darkness. Shinigami is here. He's coming for you, my pretty OZ soldiers, and your little psychologist too...
And he's standing in front of my cell, bathed in the light from the doorway, and I remember why, again.
As I do every time I see him.
[ I follow my heart, and leave my mind to wonder
is this love worth the sacrifices I make ]
I shrug off my guise as a helpless prisoner and break the handcuffs easily, stepping forward to the bars of my cell to meet him. He's grinning, intoxicated in the battle high, and I smile back, the small, shy smile I reserve only for him.
"What took you so long?"
He shrugs nonchalantly, that dangerous, playful gleam shining from his eyes. "Oh, you know. I couldn't decide which kind of explosives to use."
[ two weeks in a Virginia jail
for my lover, for my lover ]
I reach out through the bars to bury my fingers in his hair, drawing him in to interrupt his manic grin with a kiss. His lips part for my tongue, and he catches his fingers in the belt loops of my jeans to pull me close. Our bodies barely brush through the gaps in the iron, but I can feel the heat of him, tantalizing, and for one long, beautiful moment I'm lost to all of reality.
The days, the waiting, the pain, the uselessness, the loneliness, all vanished into the past, and all of my present is him.
[ twenty-thousand dollar bail
for my lover, for my lover ]
"Missed you."
"Missed you more."
"Then what do you say, Heero? Wanna blow this joint and find someplace dark and private?"
[ every day I'm psychoanalyzed
for my lover, for my lover ]
My small smile turns seductive, and I reach back to run a hand over the length of his braid. "You're the one with the lockpicks."
"Two seconds, babe, and we're gone."
[ they dope me up and I tell them lies
for my lover, for my lover ]
Why do I do these things? I imagine I'll be asked that question for however long remains of my life. There's no real way to explain it, to make someone understand - you either do or you don't. But I think even the ones who don't, will someday. At least, I hope so. For their sakes.
[ and everybody thinks that I'm the fool
but they don't get any love from you ]
I would walk through fire to see the color of his eyes. I would throw myself at the mercy of a thousand mobile dolls for the slightest touch of his hand. I would relinquish myself, my mission, my training, my history, all my purposes in this world, just to see him smile, and have that smile be for me and me alone.
[ the things we won't do for love
I'd climb a mountain if I had to
and risk my life so I could have you ]
Why do I wait?
Why do I do these things?
[ you you you you you you you you you... ]
I love him.
That's all the explanation I need.
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