Warnings and Disclaimers: Don't own them, wish I did, I would do severely naughty things if I did.
Fic contains: song, potty mouth, angst, yaoi, sap, fists, and running, 1&2?
Notes: It's good to be alive is by ... DJ Rap, but I swear it's a cool song! Go download from Napster or something! Anyways I couldn't resist doing a fic to this song, it just seems to fit for some reason. Sorry if some of the words aren't quite right, I had to figure out these lyrics myself. This is for all those angsty/sappy fic loving ppl!
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It's Good To Be Alive
by ClarySage
<Don't crucify, if I feel alive
It's a natural high, and I'm satisfied>
Heero's giving me his death glare again. I can't stand this look. It seems every time I manage to fuck up he's there, giving me his patented glare. Just once I wouldn't mind him being in my shoes. I really don't care that he's mad at me again. I will have fun no matter what he thinks. Life is depressing enough without Mr. Heero Yuy constantly making me feel guilty for enjoying what I can.
<Absolved from sin, I call the devil from within
He told me live my life, don't let them criticize>
I give him the finger and almost laugh when he looks surprised. Didn't see that coming did ya Heero? I walk over to the door and grab my jacket on the way out without even glancing at him. I'm so proud of myself. Take that Perfect Soldier! I strut out of our room and down the hall. I fling myself down the stairs and don't even yell a quick "bye!" to Quatre and Trowa who are standing in the doorway of the living room. Slamming out of the house I almost break into a run as my feet hit the street.
<It's good to be alive
Sometimes I wonder how I survive>
I can't help myself, I start to run. I'm tired of being told I'm an idiot, tired of nothing but coldness. Damn you Heero Yuy! I hate myself for loving you. You're a blind fool if you can't accept my faults.
<And in my minds eye
When your love always seems to know>
I trip on some garbage lying on the sidewalk. Forcing myself to my feet I ignore the stinging pain in my palms and knees. I don't know where I'm going, all I know is I have to leave.
<I fall an angel tonight
I feel no shame when I'm high
It feels so good must be right
It Feels so good inside>
I feel strong arms grab me from behind. I elbow the attacker in the stomach and take off running again. My braid is grabbed and I'm being dragged backwards into those arms again. No! Dammit! I won't go back, I won't!
<Inside>
I struggle fiercely, trying to break the iron grip around me. I'm so tired of trying. Tired of being the clown, the one who has to cheer everyone up. I feel pain to. I give one more try at breaking the steel bands around me, and slump in defeat. He isn't going to let me go. He turns me around slowly. His eyes are dark in the waning light of dusk. He lifts my scraped hand to his face and stares intently at it. Go on Heero; tell me I'm an idiot again.
All I can feel is shock as he lifts my palm to his lips and kisses it gently.
"Don't!" I yell and jerk my hand away from him; I ignore the pain in his eyes and sprint away from him as if my life depends on it. But it doesn't, his does.
<I'd love to love you but I'm doomed and you're an angel
I'd love to love you but I'm doomed and you're an angel
I'd love to love you but I'm doomed and you're an angel
I'd love to love you, love to love you, love to love you>
I slow down, he isn't following me. I jam my hands into my pockets and stare at the filthy ground while I walk. I can't love him anymore, and I can't let him start to love me. I don't want him to die. The way this war is moving, and the psycho way he acts, he's gonna get himself killed. Maybe he'll get us all killed. I hear a soft step behind me. I look back and there he is. Damn him! I whirl around and start walking quickly towards him.
<Don't cross that line
You don't live my life
Cause I don't just feel
When I look in your eyes>
I start to just swing a fist at him; I don't even care if it connects. I need to let this feeling out. This feeling I haven't been able to share, this hate, this love.
<It's good to be alive
Sometimes I wonder how I survived
And in my minds eye
When your love always seems to know>
He doesn't even flinch when I punch him. He just stands there glaring at me. I scream at him and start pounding at him as hard as I can. Feel something damn you! He's unmoving, unflinching.
"Feel something!" I scream at him. He grabs my fists and holds them. He looks into my eyes. And I can finally see what I've been hoping I wouldn't. He does feel, he feels everything.
< I fall an angel tonight
I feel no shame when I'm high
It feels so good must be right
It Feels so good inside>
He pulls me closer and there is no longer a glare for me. I close my eyes. I can't take it. I can't see love for me in those eyes. I won't see it.
<Inside>
I thought I could trust him to always be what he was. The perfect soldier, this was the best love I could find. Someone who I would never tell. He pulls me against him and I don't even try to pull away. What's the point; he'll get what he wants. He succeeds in almost every mission. And it looks like I'm his latest. And who knows, maybe sharing this love won't be so bad. I let him kiss my waiting lips.
<I'd love to love you, love to love you
Love to love you, love to love you,
Love to love you, love to love you
Love to love you, love to love you... ... >
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