In This Diary
Day 4
by Jade Black
Tuesday 29th July 2003
It’s fucking well raining! What am I supposed to do in the rain? It’s like
I’m trapped in here with all this water pouring down on my head- battering
me in until the ceiling’s ready to fall through like in one of those videos
you see on TV or the aftermath of hurricanes and earthquakes and huge
fucking tidal waves. But it’s July- it’s not supposed to be raining! We’re
supposed to be having a fucking heat wave with ice creams and girls in
bikinis dancing down the beach to the trance and club music that travels
across the clear and sunny skies all the way from Ibiza. We are not supposed
to be stuck indoors with our sulking 12 year old brothers and drunken
mothers.
I guess I could go outside- but if I did I’d get soaked through, and what
would I do and who would I see anyway? The only things around enjoying this
weather are the trees that are swaying outside with the force of the
droplets. I just wish I could run around outside with my friends… have a
rain-party or something. Put some music on with the speakers facing out of
the window where they won’t get wet and short out and go dancing down the
middle of the street half naked with the water pouring down around us like
in some Incan ritual. Very primal sort of celebration where we all just get
down and dirty with the world around us. You know- go back to nature and all
that shit. It makes me want to write another poem, all about the rain. And
the clouds. Perhaps I’ll do that later. Right now, I think I’m just going to
put on some music and sit here working out how the drum beats can match with
the pounding of the rain.
Tuesday 29th July 2003
Song of the day: Hell Is For Heroes- Retreat
Interesting notes:
// Has the devil got my number? //
It’s raining. At least this gives me an excuse not to go out. Somehow, I
don’t think even Mum would want me to leave the house and get soaked in this
downpour. I plan to use this to my advantage.
I did a Google search for ‘rain’- and found out some general crap. It just
shows you how bored I am. All I got was rainforests in peril, an internet
radio site entitled R.A.I.N., some information on acid rain, a gig listing
for Bob Dylan’s Expecting Rain tour and a site selling new Macromedia Flash
tools. A company called ‘Electric Rain’ that creates 3D vector software for
Flash/SWF. I get the strange feeling that should actually make some sense to
me- and yet it fails miserably. The last thing I need to hear about now,
though, is Flash programmes that I shall never use and rainforests that do
about as much good as the monkey puzzle tree in my back yard. Think of that-
people grow and talk about growing their own food and being completely self
reliant- but I have my own tree so I can create my very own personal
air-supply! The ultimate in self-reliance! Buy one today! Buy three and get
a shrub free!!
Even the tree looks a bit wet at the moment. Its branches are drooping and
big fat raindrops are rolling off the tips to crash to the ground. The tree
might look a bit bewildered by all this water- but I bet inside it’s
screaming and jumping for joy since it’s mini-drought is over. It can
finally drink again- roots reaching up and out through the ground to dance
to the rhythm of the droplets. Like a little festival.
I was on the net this morning (when I was researching rain) and I checked
eBay at the last minute- and bid on The Ataris’ album: So Long, Astoria.
From the single I heard, they might be quite decent- and I need some new
music anyway. I got there about half an hour before the auction was due to
end- so I hung around and bid on it a couple of times- and got it. I paid
through PayPal straight away- and now I’m just waiting for it to arrive.
It’ll probably turn up tomorrow or Thursday, I guess. Dad asked me over
breakfast to do some work for him, as well. He’s using Microsoft Excel to
try and create some spread sheet to work out his bank balances- and
apparently he found a template for it- but it’s in the wrong currency and he
can’t change it, so he asked me to create one from scratch. I don’t think
it’ll be too harder work- so I’ll probably have it finished by the time he
gets in tonight. Anyway, I guess I better get on with that.
Tuesday 29th July 2003 (later)
I wrote a poem! I was just sitting staring out the window thinking of
drawing the view from my kitchen in charcoal- I could just envisage the
scene- black Industrial-Age-Manchester style buildings’ brickwork done in
lighter charcoal- and then the rain fading in a washing everything with dirt
and grime like it might once have done when it rained ash from all the crap
and soot that they burnt up. And with a very post-modern scrawl of red
graffiti across the wall to show ‘light in the darkness’ or some crap like
that just to make it meaningful and original. And all the darkness would
pool at the end of the street and filter down the sidewalk until it finally
dripped down into the drain at the end of the road. I’m still thinking about
doing the drawing- but instead I ended up picking up a pad and forcing a
poem out of myself. I still can’t believe it’s raining, though…
Fat drops of water
Knocking on my window
As if asking for my company
Begging me to leave the house
And play in the solitude.
The streets are empty
The occasional car passing
Sending up a spray in its wake
But no one dares to venture
Into that watery wonderland
Cowering inside where it’s still dry.
The trees love it
Their leaves battered and alive
After weeks of dry
Now they can breathe again
But we suffocate indoors
We’re waterproof- I don’t see why
We shouldn’t go outside.
I think I’m going to call it ‘Rain’- as inventive as I am with titles. But,
I guess I haven’t written anything for a while, so I’ll let myself off the
title deal. The last time I wrote anything was during a teenage-angst period
when I fancied someone straight. I was kinda depressed and lusty- so I wrote
a lot of shite poetry about longing and want and how even linoleum could
turn a sixteen year old on if they had the imagination. Shame there wasn’t
someone I could share it with. I wrote everything down on little bits of
paper and I think they’re all hanging around somewhere- but god only knows
where I could possibly find them. At least now that I’ve started this diary
and I have a place to record everything collectively. However, I started it
as a record of pranks and teenage hi-jinks- but since it’s raining, all you
get is a moping little bastard and poetry that you wouldn’t wipe your ass
with. Well… The Lord works in mysterious ways.
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