disclaimer: the boys aren't mine. i just play with them for my own entertainment.this should come as no big surprise.

series: third story of 'and time found me here'
rating: PG
pairings: 1X2X1
warnings: yaoi, POV, odd
spoilers: none

note: this takes place immediately following 'moments before dawn' . you should really read the the first two parts of this if you expect to understand what is happening here.

really important note: heero may seem OOC in this part.... and in upcoming ones as well. this takes place in the future and while i haven't shown a timeline as of yet, i shall shortly. i hope you will try to keep an open mind about how i've chosen to portray him in this fic and see it as how i project his character to have developed given the circumstances..... as opposed to me just being off the wall... which is a stong possibilty *g*

// thoughts //

morning came too soon
by jana

"i never wanted to leave..."

i froze.

i'd said that.... aloud.

they were my words.... in my voice; its tone irritatingly calm.

they were the first words that came to mind; i should have left them there.

i looked over at heero... he seemed unaffected.... perhaps even pleased.

maybe it wasn't a mistake.....

or maybe he hadn't heard me.

he eased himself from my arms and rolled over to sit on the edge of the mattress.

i stretched out onto the newly vacated part of the bed.... it was still warm... it still smelled of heero.

"did you sleep well?"

i looked to where he sat and noted his posture; head lowered...... both fists clenched in his lap.

we were both tense and uneasy... it was as expected.

"yeah, just not long enough."

he stood and entered the bathroom; turning toward me once inside. "go back to sleep. i'll wake you when i'm done."

the door closed... the lock clicked.

i stared for a moment at where he had stood; reconciling his words with the expression on his face.... and his body language. i struggled to grasp the meaning behind them... there was one... that much i knew.

i rolled over onto my stomach and buried my hands beneath the pillow; his image framed in the doorway vivid behind my closed eyes. his fists loosened and shoulders dropped as he spoke; it was relief.... he didn't want to talk about it either.

the sound of steady running water saw me into sleep; when i stirred he was standing motionless over me.

he might have woken me.. i couldn't say for sure and he gave no indication.

"what time is it?"

"just before noon."

i seated myself on the edge of the bed where he stood. he held a folded set of crisp white sheets in his left hand.

"i need to change the sheets."

i looked up; confused.

he looked down; expectant.

i stood and watched from across the room as he stripped the bed before carefully remaking it.

"heero?"

he finished and bent to pick up the soiled linens; rolling them tightly into a cylinder. without acknowledging me, he exited the room.

i followed him downstairs and into the kitchen; still naked as i watched him stuff the sheets into a large white trash bag.

he paused and turned toward me; i cocked my head.

he tied the two white tabs into a large knot.

he looked away and stepped outside the partially opened door.. depositing the bag into the metal trash can just outside.

"heero...."

//he had to have heard me.//

i reached out and grabbed his wrist; turning him toward me. "heero!"

"i always change the sheets after you leave."

the side door slammed shut.

i moved to stand in front of him; lifting his chin as he stood staring down at his shoes.

i swallowed hard as our eyes met; embracing him... for reassurance; for both of us.... his arms remained at his side.

i stepped back. "i'm going to go take a shower."

his gaze was still on me. "i'll make breakfast."

i nodded and leaned forward to kiss his forehead. "i'm going to go and get my things after we eat. i'd like it if you came with me."

i didn't wait for a response.

i showered quickly; returning to the kitchen just 20 minutes later.

seating myself across the table from him, we ate breakfast in silence.

heero rose to clear the table and i studied him as he did so..... each carefully calculated movement... and the solemn expression he held.

my brow furrowed as i watched him; i'd done this.

he seated himself again when he was done; his eyes didn't meet mine "will she be there?"

i lowered my head; my hands involuntarily tightening into fists beneath the table.

"will she?"

he sounded too much like a frightened child; i cringed.

one year of silence.....

i raised my head to look up at heero.

my heart screamed and i took a deep breath.

it took me far too long to find my voice.

"there is no she."

i barely caught the slight shift in his expression.

i repeated myself..... for myself.

because it felt good to say it.

and because i sensed that heero needed to hear it again.

"there is no more she."

they were my words.... in my voice.

and he'd heard them.

owari

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