never saw it coming
by jana
"I used your computer yesterday."
"Yeah, so why are you telling me now?"
"I thought it was only right you should know. I would want to know if you used mine."
"It doesn't bother me, Heero. Yours in the shop?"
"No. Yours was already on. I just had to check something quick."
"Don't worry about it, Heero."
"I accidentally downloaded your email."
"Accidentally?"
"I opened your email program to send a file to Wufei, and it automatically started downloading everything."
"I should change that..."
"You got several emails about erectile dysfunction."
"WHAT?"
"Erectile dysfunction - the inability to achieve and/or maintain an erection sufficient for satisfactory sexual intercourse."
"Shit! I know what it means, Heero. What did you do, look it up?"
"Yes."
"I get those emails all the time. It's just spam."
"I don't think the internet is the appropriate place to get..."
"Spam, Heero. Junk. Completely unsolicited junk."
"Problems like that require medical..."
"I don't *have* a problem, Heero! It's just junk mail!"
"Duo, there is nothing wrong with..."
"I can get it up, Heero!"
"Sally is a professional. You should ..."
"Would you shut the hell up and just *listen* to me for a minute!"
"I'm listening."
"I don't know *how* they got my email address, Heero, but trust me when I say that I do NOT have a problem getting *or* maintaining an erection sufficient for - whatever it was you said before."
"Satisfactory sexual intercourse."
"Yeah. That. I also don't want a replica of a Rolex watch or plan on buying Canadian drugs any time soon, but I get dozens of those emails every week too! Don't you ever get those?"
"No. The spam protection for my email program appears to be adequate."
"Of course it is. I should have known."
"I thought maybe that was why..."
"Why what?"
"I thought you had a crush on me a while back. You seemed to be interested in me. As more than a friend."
"You noticed?"
"Yes. After yesterday, I thought I had figured out why you never acted on it. Why you never... approached me."
"Ever enter your mind that I might have just lost interest?"
"No... And you can stop laughing now."
"So let me get this straight. You're pretty sure I have the hots for you, but you never say anything even though you might be interested cause... you just don't - *then* you get the brilliant idea that I can't get it up cause of some spam you saw in my inbox, therefore explaining why I never did anything about my being attracted you. Did I get that right?"
"It was a fairly accurate summary."
"Just *fairly* accurate? What part did I get wrong?"
"The part about me thinking I might be interested. I was definitely interested."
"Was?"
"Am."
"Mmm. So later I get to prove to you that I can get it up?"
"And keep it up."
"And here I thought it was going to be just another boring Friday night."
"Later I'll install that spam filter on your mobile for you."
"Thanks."
"Much later."
"Yeah. Much, much later."
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