Another Version of Events
by Karan Seraph
Chapter 10
"I suppose we go to the next category of training equipment," Vero said.
"I think we have to go over there," Midii said.
The sign over the area across the store read: Vibrators and Sex Aids 1. Heero rolled his shoulders back and made his way across the store, paying for the movies as he left their department.
Across the store they found signs saying: If you do not find what you need here, please try our Sex Aids 2 department upstairs.
"Simulators," Midii said.
"I don't think Duo can be simulated," Heero said in monotone. There were many phallic shaped objects here, some electric. And then there were things that didn't conform to any body part Heero was aware of.
"No, but that's not the point," Midii said, "The point is to simulate various kinds of stimulation so that you are familiar with the experiences and know what you like and what you do not."
Heero approached a counter. A store employee looked ready to help him, but Heero's glare kept him away. Heero looked at the display models arranged on the counter with cards explaining price and features. "These look... lurid."
Midii agreed, "Yes, this one even has veins painted on."
Heero slit his eyes at the thing.
"Hey, this one is called The Tongue!" Vero laughed from the counter at the other side of the register. The thing in his hand was large and pink and nubby and probably mechanical parts covered in rubber. Heero didn't think it was sexy, just freakish.
Heero growled in his throat.
He ended up paying for one of the more streamlined vibrators. It still had that long phallic shape, but it had no veins or glans or testicles molded in its shape. He hadn't yet convinced himself he was going to use it at all, though Vero had tried convincing him that the thing could just as well be used to massage his neck as anywhere else. Heero refused to buy the hideous rubber thing Midii had endorsed.
She said that she had flipped through channels and seen a sex educator get a whole class of women to go down on these things in order to improve their fellatio technique for their husbands and lovers. But, Heero only felt cold thinking about that.
The books and possibly the videos he could understand, but when it got into toys, Heero just became aware of how alone he was going to be. He wanted the real thing.
Ursula found them on the stairs; she was coming up from the first floor, as they were about to go up to the third. She had a bag with her and Vero teased. "I purchased books on sensual stress relief," Ursula said, proudly Heero thought. "Some of them are for my own collection, but I think two of them would look nice on Heero's coffee table."
She had already left several books at his apartment, one a photo tour of Nihon and the other a history of Japanese art and culture. "I meant to tell you, Ursula," Heero said, "I think my apartment looks very good. I am grateful."
"Grateful enough to give me a reference."
"I will give out only positive recommendations for you," Heero promised.
Upstairs they found departments specializing in many fetishes. There was a department for Sado-masochism. Elsewhere there was a costume shop. There were many more props and sex aids. Midii pointed out the dolls and mannequins, but Heero was not interested, even though he had found her theories regarding his training logical. He just couldn't bring himself to go through with that level of simulation. Some things he would still have to learn whenever Duo forgave him and allowed him.
The object of Operation Duo-chan was to learn and experiment just enough that he knew the things to say to Duo and what to communicate and how. Heero didn't care if other people had sex with dolls; he just wasn't going to do it.
He was drawn into an area surrounded by bondage gear in general that was marked by its sign as Pet Care.
Heero had figured out in his mind, with some amount of certainty, though it was not total, that when Duo had been discussing Heero's ability to command soldiers of to own a dog in both cases he had also been saying that he recognized Heero's ability to wisely use or control others, and, Heero thought, Duo had been saying that he wanted Heero to be like a master to him.
That, and Duo's slightly more straightforward admission that he enjoyed being in some level of restraints had helped Hero to form some idea of what would excited Duo besides the sex alone.
Heero wasn't sure if they were typical in any way. He didn't think he cared. He had thought before, from his previous research, that in a relationship one would always have to be much more dominant or much more submissive. Now Heero thought that, so far as Duo and he were concerned, things were much more dynamic.
Duo's wish to be restrained could be viewed as submissive, but then, Heero's compliance with Duo's wish might be seen as submissive also. Duo's wish, to pass control and responsibility for a time, might be submissive. Heero's driving urge to serve and please another definitely seemed submissive. Together, if Heero took the control Duo offered to him and then Duo followed orders he gave, they were both dominant and both submissive.
Maybe it was never flat or black and white with anyone. Heero couldn't know for sure.
"A pet needs a collar," he said, mainly to himself, though Ursula was close by his side. Midii and Vero had wandered.
Ursula said nothing.
There were many collars hung on a wall display, ranging from frilly bows to metal with spikes. All were wide enough and had surface area enough that tugging on a collar would likely not hurt one who wore it. The force would be distributed through the material of the collar. It was like that with dogs, an owner did not want to break their neck, just to be able to signal them clearly that they should follow.
"I suppose a collar for Duo-chan would have to be dark and pretty."
Ursula made a slight giggle at the pet name Heero had chosen. "Well, if he is really to be a pet than the collar should not be what he would choose to wear but something that keeps him aware that you have chosen for him."
"I think that must be right," Heero agreed. "It will do no good to have him look ridiculous, because I won't want to look at him. He should learn to want to wear it, but I shouldn't have to learn to like the look of it."
Ursula agreed with a nod.
Heero lifted a blue velvet collar from the wall, checked it for size and tested its strength just a little. He liked it. The color would match Duo's eyes fairly closely, depending on the light. "Buckles are good, he seems to escape all locks too easily."
"Why would you want to restrain someone you meant to have sex with?" Ursula whispered, "Unless you know they would struggle and refuse you otherwise." She was serious. Not accusatory or really judgmental... like someone who had been restrained by someone she did not want to be with.
"I can tell you how Duo explained it," Heero said. He saw that Ursula nodded, "He admits that it probably is not the same for everyone. He was in prison several times I think. Four times that I know of he was captive. I think there were other occasions when he was even younger. Some of those times he was treated very poorly. I don't think Duo is the type who would take well to confinement to begin with. From what he said I guess that on some occasion there was a lover who did not know of all his past experience or who did not take his protest seriously. Or maybe he did not protest for some reason. In any case, he was very frightened and angry and together with the sex all the chemicals and hormones in the blood from those mixed signals must have caused a rush, as they say. He must have felt very good that time. And then he was freed. I think, that no one should have forced him to do that, but Duo was made to face his fear. If you can face a fear and you conquer it you do feel very good. Or if you face a fear and someone else is there to comfort you and save you even though the fear remains... that could feel good too. I don't think he does like the bonds themselves, he just wants to go through it. Maybe he wants to test himself or something."
"Maybe he just wants to see again and again that there is someone who will not completely violate his will every time he is in bonds and that he is not beaten or raped and when he is set free he feels comforted that some people can be trusted."
"That could be someone's reason," Heero said. "It could be I don't even understand Duo entirely, though I think I understand him in a general way. It is a place to start, ne?"
"Yes."
They went to pay for the collar Heero had chosen and when they found the register the cashier asked Heero if he had seen the set this collar was part of, and if he was interested in buying the set for a price below the sum of the cost of all the pieces. Heero hadn't even known of the set.
They were shown another display, not very far from where they had found the collar. Here there were sets, including collars and belts and cuffs for wrists and ankles. Some sets also had harnesses for the chest that either a man or woman could wear.
If Heero bought the whole set and then failed it would always remind him of how he wanted Duo. But, if he did not buy it for that reason, then he was setting himself up to fail. Heero decided to buy a set, all in blue velvet with sturdy steel slave rings fastened. No harness.
"I don't suppose you have bells?" Heero asked
"Bells, Sir?"
"To put on the ankles so that he cannot sneak up on me," Heero said, smiling at the thought. It annoyed him that Duo so often did manage to sneak upon him. And Duo would probably hate the bells.
"Yes, right here."
They moved around the shelf to the place Heero and Ursula had been before. Heero supposed he had not looked over everything thoroughly. He supposed Pet Care really had a double meaning here. They even had food bowls. Heero wondered if he could get Duo to lap milk from a saucer.
The more he thought about it, the more he wanted Duo to give himself to him. He wanted to dress Duo and watch him eat and bathe him and kiss him all over. Heero's eyes fixed on the hairbrushes. He suspected the broad flat nature of the back of the brush was really intended for spanking, while the bristles might tickle skin as much as they could smooth hair.
Heero was a little surprised in himself at the particular thoughts he was having about Duo. He wanted Duo to talk to him and go out with him and love him, but now he thought that when they were alone, sometimes, it might arouse or amuse him highly to treat Duo like the beautiful but annoying baka he could be. He wanted to challenge Duo to be quiet or make him beg.
Duo was a genius and witty and Heero sometimes missed his endless talking. Still, he might want to sit and brush his hair for him one day.
After Heero purchased the cute velvet slave set and some bells and a hairbrush he and Ursula found the others and went downstairs. Midii and Vero insisted Heero buy some condoms and lubricant just in case Duo changed his mind sooner than expected. Because of the disposable and necessary nature of prophylactic to many the Sex House gave discounts on large quantities. They even had guaranteed one-hour delivery to any office or residence within the colony.
Heero decided to approach these purchases with some scientific method. He did not know which brands he would prefer or trust, so he purchased small quantities of products from many manufacturers and was determined to test them for himself.
When they were finished with Heero's suggested duties at the Sex House they returned to his apartment. Midii collected Nanashi. Ursula collected her pain and toolboxes. As they were leaving to go back to the Russian Quarter in Vero's car Midii told the other two to go ahead and spoke to Heero.
"I've been meaning to ask you something when Ursula was not present."
"Yes?"
"What kind of procedures do the Preventers have for holding prisoners? I mean... if Trant was arrested on warrants for his war crimes, then would they have any cause to check his health? Would they ever do that, maybe to record pre-existing conditions so they could not be held responsible if he got sick?"
Why did she want to know, Heero wondered. "I don't know. I don't think there would be medical examinations unless he was accused of a crime and it was to collect physical evidence... or if he were sentenced and they wished to record his health before sending him to prison or a penal camp."
"Could they make an excuse, without him being investigated for a new crime?" Midii asked.
Now Heero understood. Heero had informed Director Une that Trant had raped someone, but, officially, no charge had been made by any party. Many people connected to the Yakuza and the Family knew that Trant had been marked for death, but most had not known why. "Ursula does not want to press charges, ever?"
"Not unless it seems likely that he will be pardoned of the other crimes. You said he would pay. She doesn't want any more people to know about it."
"I certainly didn't lie. I think he will be sentenced severely."
"Are you understanding what I am saying, Heero?" Midii asked, "The first thing I did when I found them... after I rendered the fuck unconscious for a while... was untie her and get her to a doctor. They did the full rape test. Screened for known diseases... we saved her clothes... pictures. You can't tell what happened with the sweaters and make up. I let him get away from me because she wouldn't let me leave her. "
Heero was shaking. He realized he was trembling slightly and his fists were clenched. "You mean he... fully...?" He had been told that Trant 'raped' Ursula, but there were degrees of rape.
Midii's eyes closed and the lashes became wet. She nodded slightly. "She bled..." Midii wiped her eyes and made a smile. "There's a few things still out there, so, I just don't want her to find out six months from now she's sick or dying. If we test him now, we'll get better results."
"I don't know what I can do... but I will ask Lady. I will tell the Director what Ursula needs. There must be a way."
"All you can do is ask, but I wouldn't even have had the access. Thanks."
Heero forced a weak smile. "I feel it is a waste buying all those things this evening; now I am going to have nightmares tonight. I can't even think about sex."
"Try not to feel down. Maybe you can get work done."
Midii left. Heero looked around his apartment. It looked very nice now. It might even have been luxurious, tiny as it was. The kitchen seemed separate and functional now. He had places to sit, eat and work. In his bedroom there was a piece of art on the wall opposite the door. It was a wide rectangular painting done in gouache that depicted a Gundam, nearly like ZERO, seated in the foreground against a landscape of mountains and evergreens. Ursula had done it, but she said Vero had helped her pencil in the shape of the mobile suit because he had always been able to doodle mecha since childhood. It reminded Heero of Sakhalin.
Heero felt peaceful if he looked at the painting. Even the Gundam didn't bother him. It also seemed peaceful, in profile, as if it was staring at the sunrise that was unseen except in the effects of its light on the objects in the painting. It didn't look ready to fight. It seemed to be resting on the island, though; it was not obvious it was an island from the painting.
Heero put his new purchases away, the three books he had purchased plus the two Ursula had bought for him at the store went on the new shelves between the two Buddhas. There had only been the happy fat Buddha carved of real stone, and then Heero had told Ursula he was not Buddhist. She had told him he could have a Buddha because he appreciated the art of the statue. Heero had said he thought the young, princely Indian Buddha more attractive, so Ursula had gotten Vero to buy one on his errands. So, the Buddha's guarded the erotic novels and the sex manual and the books on bath recipes and massage.
Heero decided the condoms and vibrator and related items could go into a dresser drawer. The hairbrush Heero lay atop the dresser, as if he were going to pick it up and use it. He took the set of blue restraints from the bag and removed their tags. He clipped the bells onto the rings of the pair of cuffs meant for the ankles. Heero returned the set to a shopping bag and went to the small bedroom closet. He hung the bag inside.
The kimono was there, just hanging open. It did not have its obi, Heero realized. Heero searched the closet. He found also that the tailcoat in the closet was too large. It was not the tailcoat Heero had worn to the movie-show; it was the one Duo had worn. He must have picked up the wrong one when he was throwing everything into the hall.
Heero took the coat from the closet and threw it to the bed. He searched the dresser. He found only his piles of many similar garments. Many tanks, many shirts that were sleeveless and had mock-turtle necks. Many plain T-shirts. Many black leggings. Many straight-leg denim jeans. Many white socks and black underwear. The specialized clothing ended up in the closet.
Heero replayed the scene in his mind. He had not actually seen the obi fall. Maybe Duo still had it.
Heero gathered the empty bags and price tags to be either compacted or recycled. He put the stack of three movies on his desk as he left the bedroom. He hung Duo's jacket on the coat stand that had appeared with everything else. He put the paper and plastic in its appropriate places.
Heero checked the clock on his mobile. It was still evening, though late.
"Would you like to go for a walk, Koi?" Heero asked.
The dog lifted its head and then leapt from one of the pair of chairs. Heero put the old leash and collar on Koi and checked that he had his phone, keys, money and ID. They went out for a walk then. Across the street some young men and women were at the public basketball courts, playing or cheering.
Heero found a pet shop and purchased Koi a harness, rather than a collar, and a leash, both made of green nylon mesh. Heero had the store make up an ID tag for Koi showing his name and Heero's phone number. After Koi helped Heero choose a brand of biscuits to buy they left the shop, Koi wearing his new harness and the ID tag fixed to it.
They walked to the computer store then. Koi didn't seem to know to stop at a street, so Heero was careful to hold the leash tightly enough when they came to intersection. If Koi seemed he was going to stop, Heero let him. If the dog seemed he would go into the street Heero gave the leash a tug and told Koi to stop.
At the computer shop Heero picked the components he wanted in his system and paid for the machine to be delivered to his apartment the next day.
Heero took Koi home then.
Heero hung Koi's leash on the coat rack and then went to his desk. He worked on reprogramming a low-tech video game machine and cartridge to let him input and save text notes. That took a while. And afterward Heero tested it out by variously playing Pacman and taking notes.
Heero wanted a snack, but instead he just drank some soda as he went to his bedroom. He took his erotic Science-Fiction novel from the shelf and with an afterthought, returned to his desk for his digital pad. Heero stretched out across his bed with his pad, soda and novel and began to read. Koi stretched out along his side as Heero read.
It was a time and place in which earthlings had space ships and space stations but they had no Colonies and there had been no Alliance or Federation of any kind that united the previous nations. Some of the nations had cooperated in developing a mission to the planet Mars. Now the international team was arriving. Mainly the story followed the character named Etan. Despite being one of the Germans, he did remind Heero of Duo.
The introduction wasn't really erotic, there were just hints. The characters were being introduced. One of the American characters was a homosexual Latina female and she was described variously as 'caliente' and 'bad ass' by her teammates. Her name was Rachael and she reminded Heero of Trowa somehow. He thought it was because she was quiet and showed military discipline.
The ship's Captain was a Japanese man. He was in charge on the flights to Mars and back, but on the planet he, like the others, followed the orders of one of the Mission Commander who happened to be a Chinese-American.
The story seemed to be setting up the Americans as suspicious or holding back information.
There were some flirty scenes as the crew set up their base of operations on the surface.
Then strange things started happening. Clearly, they were not alone on the planet. Soon, but slowly, it was revealed that some years ago the Americans had sent a team to Mars and for some reason had not reported this. Some excuse was given for why the other nations had not been tracking or known of the previous mission.
Etan and a man named Martin from Tanzania were caught in a sandstorm. There was a short sex scene between them with in an emergency shelter that soon seemed it might be torn apart. And then people who were not part of their team rescued them.
That was when things got politically complex and erotic. The Americans had not reported the previous mission, when they could have had bragging rights as first on Mars, because the people they had sent had been genetically engineered as part of a military experiment. Resultantly, they were, male or female, physically ideal and possessed of most intoxicating pheromones.
Etan had opportunity to be with several of their people and this was described in detail, but the one who truly claimed Etan was called Theodoric, after an ancient tribal king.
Theodoric was not like Heero. The person that was most like Heero was the leader of the Areians and he collected a sizable harem of Earthlings for himself.
Heero read the entire novel that night. He knew if he slept he would have nightmares. Better to skip sleep. As he read, Heero made notes on his pad of things the characters said. He made neat lists of all the slang phrases and terms used to describe separate sex acts. He wrote down things that just sounded particularly cool or witty.
Heero fixed breakfast after he had finished the book and also changed out Koi's food and water.
For a large part of the morning Heero used his mobile computer to attempt to breach security of the Z00001 commercial spaceport. When his new computer arrived Heero had still not found any glaring weakness in their security. He recorded the types of methods he had used and how successful each had been. Heero then set up the new computer and transferred all his work related files onto it or to disc.
He intended to use the mobile mainly as his personal computer and the desk computer for business. Of course, on trips he could still use the mobile, as it was easy enough to link the computers later to transfer data. Similarly the pad could be linked to either computer to transfer data.
Heero uploaded the notes he had taken from his pad to his mobile. He saved the file.
Heero opened the 'duo' file he had worked on the day before. It read:
1. I love you, Duo.
2. I have never had another sex partner besides you, Duo.
3. I am heartily sorry for having offended you, Duo.
Heero added: 4. You're fuckin' hot, Baby!
Heero smiled.
After a quick shower Heero dressed then packed his satchel. He folded Duo's coat carefully and fit this into the satchel as much as possible. Heero then put Koi's leash on and took Koi from the house with him.
He spent a large part of the day at the spaceport, just observing. Heero took notes with his game; so as to not appear to be taking notes everywhere that he went.
That evening Heero went to Preventer Headquarters again. He asked at the desk if the Director was in and if he might see her. Heero was told that he could see Lady Une if he waited for her to finish with her current appointment.
Heero went upstairs to wait. He thought that Duo might be at Headquarters now. He wanted to see him. He had an excuse; He had Duo's jacket.
Heero debated going to find Duo's room as he came to the recreation area. Hilde and Dorothy were there, playing darts. Hilde turned and looked at him, then lifted her head as she turned away. Heero supposed Hilde was taking Duo's side now. Duo must be feeling hurt for Hilde to look at Heero that way.
"You're not with Relena today, Dorothy?" Heero asked.
"She's... out with Sobi," Dorothy said, throwing her dart between words and hitting the center of the board.
So, Duo wasn't with Relena, Heero thought.
Hilde laughed, "You know what Chang says, Preventers is really just the Vice-Minister's personal escort service."
"An official function?" Heero asked.
"He is more polished than the other boys, and she does ask for the boys. He's from Sank originally."
Heero could see that Dorothy was jealous of all young men that spent time with Relena.
Heero wanted to ask if Duo was there, but he heard someone calling his name. "Heero!" It was Nicol. Heero knew him, vaguely. During the war he had worked with Lady Une, but he had betrayed her. Now, clearly, from his uniform and badge, he was a Lieutenant Colonel of the Preventers, like Wufei." The Director asked me to send you to her now."
"Yes," Heero agreed.
"Is that Chang's dog?" Nicol asked.
Hilde answered for them. "That's the same dog Quatre gave to Duo. Meilong was his littermate. She has white markings and Koi doesn't."
Heero went to the Director's office. Lady was behind her desk. "Heero."
"I need to ask you something, maybe a favor. It is not for me personally."
"It doesn't have anything to do with Duo, does it?"
"No," Heero answered, confused. "It's about Trant Clark. I need to know if anyone from Medical Section has checked him out. Or... could they... legally? I need to know if he has any serious contagious diseases... blood-born and sexually transmitted diseases."
"It's about the young lady in Japan?"
"She is from this colony originally and has returned. A mutual friend asked me to speak to you. We understand it may be difficult, or against procedure."
"Does she wish to testify or make a statement accusing Clark?"
"I don't think she wants to talk at all."
"I'll have to talk to Legal section, Heero. Those agents specialize in these sorts of problems. It is beyond me now. I can promise to let you know what I find out."
"Any help you can offer is appreciated."
Lady made a slow nod of assent.
Heero took his leave of her and then walked to the stairwell at the end of the hall, so as to not pass by the rec room again. On the landing Heero headed upstairs rather than down.
As he came to the fourth floor hall he saw someone just leaving their dorm room. It was Gibson, again, now securing his Preventer issue handcuffs on his belt. He smoothed his hair and then turned toward the back stairs, where Heero was opening the door.
"Gibson... do you know which is Maxwell's room?"
For at least four seconds Gibson just stared at Heero, blankly.
"Which room is Duo in?" Heero asked, rephrasing his question.
"There," Gibson said, pointing out the door he had just come from. Heero said nothing as he walked to the door.
Heero knocked.
"You didn't lock it," Duo called.
Heero turned the knob and pushed open the door. As soon as the door was cracked open Heero saw that Duo was lying on a bed and naked. His back was exposed and his feet were toward the door. One knee was drawn up slightly alongside his body so that his buttocks were spread. A collection of several braids was drawn over his shoulders so that even the nape of his neck was exposed, and Heero didn't think he had ever seen that.
Heero knew he shouldn't look. He tore his eyes from Duo and turned toward the wall just as Duo was realizing who he was. "Get out!" Duo shouted.
"Oh, Maybes!" Heero cried. The bits of data fit together suddenly. "You let Gibson fuck you?"
"Just go." Duo was pulling sheets over his body. "Leave me alone!"
"Was that your first date?" Heero felt awful. Duo had wanted him to do it. He had wanted Heero. And Heero had failed him, so now he was with Gibson.
"Hardly," Duo answered. That made Heero feel worse. "When I say leave my room, you leave."
Heero pulled the coat from his satchel. He blindly tossed it behind to the bed. "Here, that's my excuse for being here. You threw the wrong jacket out the door. I thought you might need it."
"This is mine."
"Yes. That's what I meant. Duo... I regret what happened very much. I've been searching for some way to make it up to you. I wasn't trying to upset you any more," Heero spoke to the wall, "I had to see Une about something and I found the jacket in my closet. Do you... Duo, I can't find the obi I gave you. I don't mind if you have it, I just want to know it hasn't been lost."
"I have it... but you won't use that as an excuse to see me. I know how hard you tried to find a way to make things up to me, liar, so don't expect me to change my mind or want to apologize."
Heero turned around. "What? I didn't lie."
"So you weren't with some other guy at Sex House telling him that you loved him?" Duo demanded, sitting on his bed with sheets covering his body only below his hips. He didn't give Heero a moment to answer, "That's pretty fast work, Heero, how much do you pay him to spend time with you?"
"It is not like that," Heero growled. "Gibson is lying. He is interested in you, Duo. He is not telling you the truth."
"You're interested, so by that logic I shouldn't listen to a word you say. Heero, how could you know who told me unless you had been there?"
"I did go to that store. That part is true. I saw Gibson there and he saw me. From what you say, it sounds like he overheard part of a conversation and you and he both misunderstood the context. I never told Vero that I loved him. We were just talking about what movies... aa... I just used 'I love you' in explaining what other people said. I didn't tell anyone that I loved them. Vero is sort of a business associate, I don't even like him."
"You just happened to be buying porn movies with a 'business associate' you don't like? Was I born yesterday?"
"Duo!" Heero said, exacerbated. "You are the one that told me I was such a freak I didn't even know how to be with people. It hurt, because I know it is true. I wanted to learn how to make you happy. I went there for research material. Vero was the only person still talking to me that I knew to be homosexual. I thought he could give me advice."
Duo laughed. It was a mean laugh. "You're serious? I bet you are. That is just like you. Going to Sex House for strictly educational purposes."
"It is not funny! I'm eighteen and I can't even have normal conversations with people unless I pretend it's for a mission and I need information from them. You and I keep fighting. Midii and Ursula will talk to me, but I often feel they must thing me a funny little brother. It is so hard just to feel all right and to not want to die every day."
"Don't you give me that shit and expect me to pity you!" Duo shouted, "I know about Death! Don't you say a thing. Don't you make threats like that!"
"It was not a threat," Heero whispered. "I wanted to die when you kicked me out."
Duo huffed and crossed his arms. "Well, you did act appallingly. You should have felt pretty sorry."
Duo wasn't screaming for Heero to leave; that was reassuring. Heero spoke as calmly as he could, "Duo, I am heartily sorry for having offended you."
Duo started and looked up from the bed. "What did you say?"
"Heartily sorry for having offended you."
Duo's eyes slit. "You're mocking me."
"Nyet!"
Duo seemed to be studying Heero, deciding if he was going to be really mad again. "So, where does that phrase come from?"
Heero growled. "It's just a really sincere way to apologize in English."
"Yeah, it's from the Act of Contrition."
Heero shook his head.
"It's a prayer," Duo explained, sharply.
"I did not know that," Heero admitted, "I just wanted you to know I was really sorry for hurting you."
"Feeling sorry isn't enough in some cases."
"I know. I have been trying to think of a way to... make amends."
"Jesus! Heero... I don't know what I believe. I don't want to hate you... but it fucking hurt, what you did. You say you're sorry, but it doesn't seem you really know what you did. You don't seem to have a clue... " he took in a breath and raised his voice, "How shitty and used it makes someone feel when you get all worked up over them and come and then just leave!"
Heero shook his head. He was wondering if Duo had said 'cum' as it sounded like that other word. Heero thought it was one of those alternate spellings for a slang definition of a word, like 'kewl.' "I don't know. I don't know anything about it."
"Well..." Duo rearranged his sheets to hide more of his body. "What the Hell were you thinking then? If there's any reason for all of this you may as well tell me. It's not like I'm happy that we can't be friends. But, I'd be a fool if I let people continue to treat me like that."
"I want to tell you. I am planning to tell you. I don't feel ready."
"Be ready! I'm giving you a chance that I said I wouldn't."
Duo might not believe him now if he said that he loved him. Heero had already said he was sorry. Compliments wouldn't work. There was one thing Heero knew he could say. He drew in a breath, closed his eyes then said it: "I have never had another sex partner besides you, Duo."
Silence.
Heero waited. He prepared himself to hear laughter or shouting. His hand reached behind his back to the doorknob.
"You really...? Never... with anyone?"
"Do not make me explain this," Heero groaned.
Duo stood up, dragging sheets with him. He pulled all the sheets from the bed until the mattress was bare. "Sit there," Duo said; pointing to the bed, "I want the whole truth..."
Heero smiled. He couldn't help it.
"I am not promising you a thing. But... if it's true, it might change my mind about some things."
"It's true," Heero sighed.
"You just stay there. I'm going to put clothes on." Duo stepped into his closet. It wasn't meant to be a walk-in closet, but he moved inside the small space and closed the door. Heero could hear him moving around against the clothing. It sounded like Duo gargled and then spit something. There were more ambiguous sounds. Heero decided Duo was trying to remove evidence of whatever he had done with Gibson.
Duo came out of the closet dressed in sweat pants and a big T-shirt. He sat down on the metal folding chair. He looked somehow uncomfortable. "So... you're telling me that when you creamed your pants you'd never cum for anyone before?"
'Creamed' was a new phrase for Heero. He made a mental note to write that one down later. "I am a virgin."
Duo laughed, "Pretty close to it, I'd say. Heero, why didn't you say that?"
"I knew that you had more experience. Duo... I don't even want to talk about this now. But I want to please you, so I will tell you what you want to know. I know many things. I had training in many things so that I was expert at them. People that think they know me; they expect me to be superhuman and good at everything. I had no training about sex. Even the basic information I learned on my own. I felt inadequate and I did not like feeling that way, so I tried to hide it."
"Do you know how sex works?" Duo whispered seriously, "did you ever have an orgasm before?"
"Yes! I know how bodies fit together. I did... I tried masturbating."
Duo laughed. "Sorry," he said then. "Can you... just tell me what you thought we were doing and why you had to leave?"
Heero nodded. He picked Koi up from the floor and pet the dog as he spoke. He felt more comforted or calm if he pet Koi. "I wanted to please you, Duo, but everything felt so good that I started having those selfish feelings and wanting to feel pleasure for myself... and I still did want to please you... but I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how to let you know how I felt. I knew that you..." Heero thought of the phrases he had been learning recently, "wanted me to take you, I wanted to do it..."
"Heero..."
"And then I realized that I had climaxed and I had bitten you and that I wouldn't be able to please you at all and I felt so horrible! I felt so bad; I didn't even think I could face you again. I just had to get out of there and think. I was so... ashamed."
"You shouldn't have been ashamed just for that." Duo sighed, "We could have had a lot of fun doing something else while you recovered."
Heero knew 'recovered' now. He hadn't even thought about measuring the time between erections before, because he hadn't often looked forward to it before. He thought of some other phrases he knew. "I could have gone down on you and brought you off by giving you head."
Duo grinned. Heero decided the choice of words had amused him. "Are you sure?" Duo asked, "Saturday night you thought you were ready... and you weren't."
"No. I was not ready," Heero agreed. "That is how I ended up at the Sex House. Midii thought that whatever method J used to train me had worked well, so I should train myself for sex by the same method. I am still on the text level. I am not even up to simulators yet, so I couldn't attempt a live test, even under supervision."
"Whaaa?" Duo cried, "What the Hell are you talking about? Simulators? Tests?"
"I still want to have sex with you. I know you may still be mad and not want me, but I have to hope. I've been training the last day and I will continue training in the hope that you will let me do it one day. I might continue with the texts tonight or go on to visual aids. I really need help with giving verbal clues and communication, so I definitely couldn't have a partner during training, at least until after the video demonstrations."
"Whoa, Heero you're so... what did you do before last weekend?"
"Nothing."
"You didn't even jack off or anything?"
"I tried masturbating, I told you that. I have a hang up."
"Really? You can't get off?"
Heero growled. "No, that's not it. I just do not enjoy masturbating or sex unless..." Heero sighed a breath, "I know that I am pleasing or serving my partner."
"Yeah, well, that's everyone, it always a trip if someone is screaming your name."
"No. More than that... I mean; I don't even like it very much unless I have a partner and I know that I am doing something to please them."
"Oh, you're a sub!" Duo decided.
"I don't think so. My research suggests that may not always be accurate. Duo, when I was with you and then I climaxed and you didn't... I felt very bad. I felt sick about it. The orgasm feels good, but then I get this cold feeling. You see this is why it hurt me so much that I wanted to die on your doorstep. You were telling me that I couldn't please any lover. You were telling me that I had no reason to live."
"Heero... I was just telling you that you were a jerk for leaving me hard up. I guess I am sorry, for the dramatics at least. Otherwise, I really had no way to know where you were coming from, so I don't regret my reaction entirely. I don't know..." Duo threw up his hands, "You confuse me I guess. This whole 'training' thing you're talking about sounds pretty B&D, at least!"
"I do what I do, I do not try to label it." Heero smirked, "I have been thinking recently that I would love to get you in restraints so that you had to be still while I experimented with methods of pleasuring you."
"Whaa?" Duo breathed.
"You would be safe with me, Duo."
"Aaah... Heero... when you get up to the simulators or videos or whatever comes before live tests, call me. You should see if you could do it over the phone before a live test. If you're interested in improving your bedside manner, that could help!"
"You mean, phone sex? You think I should call one of those lines?"
"Call me," Duo said. He smiled. "I used to work in inbound telemarketing, I know how it goes."
"You..."
Duo pitched his voice higher, "Who's calling? This is Virginia; my mother isn't home right now. Can I help you? I don't know if I can talk right now, I haven't even had a chance to change out of my uniform yet and the sisters gave me so much homework. You do sound nice..." Duo coughed and then coughed again. "Shit, it hurts to do that voice now," he rasped, "Guess I'm too old to play a school girl."
Duo in a short pleated skirt. Heero shivered.
"Ever ride the trains going into the English Quarter between 7 and 7:40 in the morning? It's all private school kids and older politicians. And those cars get crowded. Some days I'm getting felt up and I'm not even in a skirt!"
"Maybe it is true what they say about Colonials. On Earth school girls are covered to below the knee."
"Yeah, and they'll spread 'em for a space baby," Duo said, parting his knees to a dramatic angle. "Who do we know that grew up on Earth? Sally, Wufei just moved all his things into her bedroom and now it's theirs. Zechs, Lucretia is Colonial. Trowa... you know he's gonna figure out he wants Quatre; Quatre's most definitely Colonial."
"Relena."
"Oh, she would... she just hasn't yet. Probably because you and I are too busy having spats to try it."
"I can't even imagine."
"Oh, I can imagine," Duo said, "I do like girls, but, you know."
"I like some girls too, but I am not in love with one," Heero said quietly.
"Oh, you really have to leave now," Duo said, "I have school tomorrow."
"You are not angry with me anymore?"
Duo laughed. "Part of me is still pretty pissed, but right now the dick seems to be doing the thinking. It was like I got 'Heero Yuy,' 'virgin' and 'offering himself' and my brain seized up."
"Do you think you can forgive me again?"
"Look, call me in a while, in a few days or whenever you're at the relevant section in your training." Duo grinned at that. He stood up from his chair. "Not before a few days, though, K?"
Heero nodded. He set Koi down on the floor and then stood.
Duo walked past Heero to the door. He opened the door as Heero secured his satchel on his shoulder. Heero tightened his grip on the end of Koi's leash and then moved to the door.
"Hey...?" Duo whispered, breath falling on Heero's neck as he passed through the doorway.
Heero turned.
"You'll be thinking of me?"
Context made those words anything but innocent. "Yes."
"Well... that's really satisfying to know."
Heero felt like his spine tingled. "I promise... I will learn to satisfy as many of your needs as I am able." Duo's smile was genuine and quite rewarding, Heero thought.
The door was closed.
As Heero walked along the hall his phone rang. Heero opened the pocket of his satchel and unfolded the headset, which he quickly fit. He recognized the number on the small monitor. Midii.
"You want to meet tonight and talk business? I was at the place we talked about today."
"Sure," Heero said. He supposed tonight he would stay with studying the texts. Midii might even be able to recommend some supplementary short fiction for his studies.
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