Another Version of Events
by Karan Seraph
Chapter 34
The Zero was shuttling from Z00001 to a Colony in the S3 Cluster, which orbited the LaGrange point at the side of the moon opposite the Earth. Heero was pilot, but for now The Zero followed the space lanes and a timer within the cockpit counted down seconds until the next course correction was required. Heero took the opportunity to catch up on rest. He could not sleep deeply, being pilot, but he knew his mind and body enough that he could allow himself to be, even make himself be, half asleep and wake instantly when the timer went off.
In the seat beside him Midii fidgeted, not quite distracted enough by her mobile and its display of erotic fiction written about popular characters without proper licensing. Heero couldn't say he really disagreed with the unlicensed part. It did not seem to be done for profit and so no one was really being hurt. The characters were still there for their creators to use.
The space travel was new to Midii; she kept watching the window in front of them or touching the carrier that contained her sedated feline, to be sure it was with her. She babbled as well.
Heero did not mind entirely. He knew that Midii knew he was only half sleeping. He had needed to reassure her of that so she would not fear for her safety during the flight. As well, Duo had taught Heero that sometimes just listening and letting someone babble could teach one a lot about a person.
Otherwise, Heero's mind drifted. He listened for the alert from the timer, listened to Midii's voice and he thought about Duo. He probably smiled just thinking about him. In fact, Heero felt his facial muscles move involuntarily before he made his expression blank.
Monday had been good, despite the periods of misunderstanding and argument, but Tuesday...
Strange to start the day being awake in the early morning hours by choice and stranger to be spending those hours at a club, drinking, dancing and carelessly being involved in so many public displays of affection, and lust.
Heero was sure it was lust. He had felt it earlier, while still at the club and he felt it now. Of course, he felt love and affection for Duo still, but now he felt this 'lust' in addition to those.
He had felt desire and arousal and attraction before. Those feelings were all similar to what he felt now; based on the physical. The lust was very much physical. It was a powerful urge to seek pleasure in Duo's body. Very powerful.
Heero thought he liked this feeling. He was himself; he acted on his feelings, but his actions were tempered with logic and reason and competing goals. Heero felt this was as it should be. The lust was not overwhelming. Once before, the night Heero had first seen Duo naked and offering his body, he had felt something akin to this lust. That had been overwhelming.
Heero did not feel overwhelmed. He could acknowledge this feeling calmly, experience it, and still have control over how it was expressed. The lust was not ugly or in any way uncontrollable. Neither was it a feeling that urged Heero to forget himself in a passive or sacrificing role. This was what was remarkable to Heero. It was not a psychological need to please another. This lust was the opposite of what often drove Heero to have sex.
Duo was beautiful and Heero loved many things about him; when they did have sex it was because Duo indicated he was ready, then Heero allowed himself to acknowledge his desire for Duo, and finally Heero focused on Duo being satisfied.
They talked about Duo being a pet, about being bound, even about Heero being the sort of person others could follow, but until today, when it came to sex, Duo still seemed to be entirely in control. That had not bothered Heero. It had helped him in his need to feel he had the ability to please another. Duo even called out orders and Heero followed. Heero was less experienced, so he had let things be.
Yes, sometimes he had moments of strong desire or felt control, but they were moments.
Heero had continued to have a hang-up.
Now, he felt better. This was healthy, Heero had decided. A man should feel some drive to find pleasure for himself in another. It was normal!
Heero did not want to deny Duo satisfaction. All his experience and training now told him that it was important to consider one's partner. The difference now was that Heero no longer felt it was acceptable that he remained unsatisfied, so long as Duo was satisfied.
Not that he had really felt unsatisfied by Duo before, but today he had somehow felt more satisfied. He thought, it was because it was not only Duo that satisfied him. Heero had felt satisfied with his role in having sex. It was as if... they both were satisfying his needs. Heero hoped they were both satisfying Duo's needs now.
It had felt so good, Heero remembered. At the time, and immediately afterward, Heero thought it had been the alcohol, or watching Duo with that boy John and seeing how eerily beautiful that boy was and how Duo seemed to want to accept whatever he was offering. On the shuttle, on their way home afterward, as Duo slept, Heero had begun to puzzle out what had happened. It was the lust. The lust was confident.
Heero had drawn Duo into an alcove in the lower level of The Eleventh Hour and insisted on sex. Duo had been persuaded and though the action had been performed fully clothed and with hands as the primary tools for working each other's bodies it had been intense.
Heero did not feel he needed to have sex to prove to himself that he was able to satisfy a lover. He had sex because he felt like it. He was highly attracted to Duo and in love with him and very happy Duo chose to be with him and Heero wanted to express those feelings to Duo. He expressed everything he felt when they made love.
Intense. Heero shivered remembering. He had thought before that he had let go and not held back any part of himself, but he had been wrong. There had still been that part that was busy fixating on when and how Duo was going to be pleased. It had been very conscious. Not today.
His body had been intensely active but his mind had been somewhat passive. No, not passive exactly. Just full of that lust and confidence, like there was an energy inside him... like he was mentally at peace, though he was aware that his body might feel sharp longing or extreme pleasure.
He had not been thinking. Duo often did interfere with his logic and love did sometimes leave him feeling as if a virus had infected his brain, but the lust had been different.
How? It felt like Heero had not been thinking and had surrendered to physical urges and yet, had on some level controlled... no channeled the power of that urge into something lovely and constructive.
Subconscious channeling of energies from within into the physical expression of his emotions through entirely uninhibited sex that resulted in mind-blowing orgasms.
He'd had a spiritual sexual experience.
Heero felt like he could do it again. There was no, 'step one, step two.' He was not sure how to make it happen again, but he felt like it might happen. That was the confident part. It was in some ways like the combination of knowledge and experience that caused him to react to a threat from the Alliance high altitude mobile suit carrier and its complement of Aires and Leo suits with a, "No problem," or to claim that mobile dolls were about as challenging as space mines, since he understood their programming.
Heero just knew that he would please Duo.
And freed of the logic that followed, 'Must be active, must act to please Duo, must be reassured that Duo is pleased,' Heero felt there were many more things he might experience now.
In the club, there had been moments when all Heero had done was stand near Duo and stare at him and amazingly, Duo had understood that he wasn't disinterested or refusing to take action that would bring Duo to climax; Heero just wanted to see what Duo could do for him. Duo had shown him. Not a word between them and they had remained standing in the alcove and at best their actions were only partially concealed by shadow or clothing, but Duo had demonstrated how he felt about Heero. The lips, the whispers, the fingers and hands, the incline of his body, and the leg drawn up aside Heero's thigh all expressed love and desire.
Heero wanted to see him again. If things went as planned he might be with Duo tomorrow. Heero felt fortunate that Lowe Security had received so much interest since the terror attacks, but now it meant there were days when he had to do field work.
Was it irony that Duo would also be traveling to S3 today, but that they were going to different Colonies? Karma?
Heero knew Duo had had his own change in plans because he had spied on him. Heero smirked for a second remembering that. He had gotten Duo to school in time to join the other students after lunch. His own day's schedule already disturbed and Koi being neglected Heero packed his gear in his satchel and took Koi out with him to work outdoors, or as outdoors as one could in the Colonies.
Koi enjoyed the exercise and Heero did rather enjoy the opportunity to blend and window shop and sit in attractive public places doing his work. He did love his apartment's décor, but it was nice to see other beautiful things.
He had found himself in the English Quarter at the time classes ended for the day and could not resist the challenge of trying to spot Duo or Relena. He wanted to see if someone could get a clean shot at them.
A small pair of binoculars had given Heero a good view of the schoolyard from a distant rooftop. There were so many important locations within the Government District that many buildings were more secure than the time Heero had to get into them. He could not gain access to a closer roof, though this particular roof, being tall and on a corner gave him a very clear line of sight.
He had seen Duo coming from a building with Yasmin. Shortly afterward they had found Adin and Relena. Heero had watched long enough to learn that Father David had told Duo that the best way he could finish the school year without loosing grades or his job was to do all his work and take classes over the 'net as many public school students did and use the time he would usually commute to get more sleep.
Clearly, the priest had not been pleased Duo had shown up at school fairly sleep deprived and slightly hung over. He had looked weary in Heero's binoculars, wearing dark sunglasses and leaning on his walking stick again.
Duo had said that he knew the best solution was to go back to S3 and work on his mobile suit project as much as possible.
Then Heero had seen Relena look directly at him. Her lips formed his name. Heero had ducked, angry with himself that he had somehow let the lenses catch light or done something to make Relena see him.
Heero knew Duo would come to the apartment to pack his things and say goodbye. They had discussed the possibility that Duo would have to spend a lot of time in S3. Heero thought it might be easier if he was not there when Duo packed his things.
And it seemed fortunate then that Heero had already corresponded with Midii about scheduling field work. All Heero did was request an earlier window. He rushed back to the apartment to pack up the things he and Koi would need then met Midii at the spaceport.
Heero hoped Duo would leave for S3 soon and might feel refreshed by the next day. He would get to see Duo, if his plans had accounted for Duo's unpredictable nature in the right way.
An electronic buzzing sounded in the cockpit and Heero opened his eyes.
"What's that?" Midii panicked.
"Relax. It is my phone." Heero tapped the timer on the instrument panel, "See, we've got time."
"Vinaváta," Midii sighed.
"Nichivó." Heero lifted his headset phone and put it to ear. Duo. He took the call. "Allo."
"Baby, where are you? Take off the blind," Duo said smoothly.
Heero adjusted the small screen before his eye. As it clicked into position the video went active. Duo appeared in his school uniform and stretched across Heero's bed. "Duo-chan, good to see you. I am in transit."
"Coming home?" Duo asked hopefully.
"Nyet, leaving on business."
"Yeah, Midii's with you obviously. You do that thing when she is?"
"What thing?"
"Get used to hearing her voice so that all the phrases you don't really think about come out in Russian."
"That is a horrible security risk," Heero said, playfully he hoped.
"So, you aren't going to be back here soon?"
"No," Heero enounced clearly.
"Aa... I gotta talk to ya then."
"Go."
"Well, first of all!" Duo said loudly, "I thought you'd given up that stalker shit!"
"What 'stalker shit'?" Heero asked in innocent tone.
"Asshole. I thought you were over that 'I am so ill equipped to socialize normally that I show I care by secretly watching people from rooftops, galleries and behind curtains and go through elaborate measures to not have to hand them birthday presents in person' shit!"
Heero chuckled. "Who said Relena was my target?"
"Oh." Duo pulled his braid over his shoulder and toyed with the end. He looked up toward the lens. "That's still messed up!"
"I was just checking up on you. I missed you."
"I miss you. Can you say where you are going?"
"Not now. I will say I am not leaving the Colonies."
"Heero, you know how I said I might not be able to stay in the apartment very much now...?"
"I know."
"I gotta go back to S3 for a while. I'm gonna stay with Hilde. Mostly I'll be at the garage though. Don't worry about school. I worked it out with Father Dave."
"I am pleased you settled things. Of course, I will miss you when I do not get to see you. Though, we will adapt. I may be busy too. We have a lot of new clients and I may have to do some field work."
"For how long? Can you come to my place on the weekend? Hilde's, I mean."
"I cannot promise, but I will try to be available."
"I thought Yoda said not to just try," Duo said, wagging a finger.
"I will check my schedule and get back to you. Is there a particular day you will be free?"
Duo shrugged. "Depends on what happens at the garage."
"Let's both do our best to arrange our schedules so that Saturday we can work from remote, if we must work."
"OK." Duo smiled. "I will work late the rest of the time if I have to." Duo seemed to be unbuttoning his shirt. "Maybe I should liquor you up again. You were pretty intense last night. I tried to tell you, but you went all paternal with the enforced nap and walking me to school."
"It wasn't the alcohol. I feel differently about some things now."
"You were supposed to give me a reaction to 'paternal'," Duo pouted.
Heero looked sternly at the lens. "If you had a real father you would not want to have sex with him."
Midii coughed.
"Not the priests of course, that's someone else's kink, but maybe I wouldn't mind some older guy taking care of me and fuckin' me when I need it." Duo grinned. "Ya know, if he was cute!"
"I am disconnecting now, Duo."
"No! I was just kidding. I mean, you take care of me and you can fuck and you are cute!"
"Oh, good, so you are not leaving me for an older man," Heero said dryly.
"Maybe... I better let you go, huh?"
"If you want any food from the kitchen, just take it. Get some rest soon if you can."
"Thanks. I'll be OK until I get to Gotham, though, I'll probably crash when I get there... I meant, me... in a bed."
"I understood your meaning." Heero smiled.
"Guess I'll see you on the weekend..."
"I hope so."
"I wish... you know... I can deal without sex for a while, but... it's been good having you back, Heero."
Heero hesitated to answer. Had Duo meant no sex with anyone, or just with him? Were these things slipping out? Was he teasing Heero? "Aa. Yeah. Give Hilde a hug for me."
Duo laughed and rolled to his back so that Heero saw his face in profile. "She'll appreciate that."
"She must be a little lonely since you've been away?"
"It hasn't been that long," Duo said quickly, then added, "She has friends... no one special I guess. I'll probably sleep in the other bed... if I don't end up sleeping in the lab."
"Duo. It was not a trick question. You don't have to tell me... now."
Duo propped himself up again and looked toward the lens so that Heero saw Duo look at him seriously from the small screen of his headset phone. "Have you found an outfit yet?"
"Outfit?"
"For Prom."
"No. I will. I was not sure what to wear."
"You know what I'm wearing."
"Yes."
"You don't have to wear a kimono. You can wear any kind of formal wear, traditional, retro, modern... whatever." Duo sighed. "You can even wear a toga."
"No toga. Is there some traditional arrangement between us? I mean, do we wear the same colors?"
Duo laughed. He looked pretty laughing. "Black, white and blue like my eyes. Does that make it easy enough for you?"
"Yes."
"I better see you Saturday," Duo warned.
Heero blinked once slowly. Nodding did not convey on a headset vidphone. "I will enter it in my planner."
"I'll miss you."
Heero smiled. "I will call you tomorrow, after you have had time to rest."
"Yeah, but you always say you'll call sometime..." Duo teased.
"Making a mental note to call you tomorrow."
"All right. Take care of yourself, Heero."
"I love you, too, Duo."
Duo smiled and then disconnected.
"Five seconds," Midii warned.
"I see it." Heero removed his phone and then put his hands over the appropriate instruments. When the alert sounded he made the appropriate burn to adjust course. Then, it was done and Heero sat back again.
"That's it?"
"Yes. Piloting a shuttle along a space lane is too easy." Heero sighed slightly. "It is not like matching speed and course to a Gundam in shields and boosters and making a jump over to it."
"I suppose very many things seem dull after being a Gundam pilot."
"I enjoy the peace in some aspects of life, and there are other challenges, but yes, it would feel good to have access to a machine like that. I think the ZERO system was thrilling in a bad way, like a narcotic, but a Gundam with another interface would keep life from being dull."
"I thought they were wonderful, but you must understand how they were so powerful that many people found them terrifying. What if such good people had not piloted them?"
"I do understand," Heero said seriously, "Which is why I did agree when Quatre suggested destroying them. It was voluntary. Even after we salvaged them to fight the Barton Foundation no one ordered us to destroy them. The laws regulating mobile suits came after that. Actually, ZERO wasn't destroyed the way the others were. They remote detonated the other Gundams."
"It was just completely thrashed in the battle and had its remaining working parts removed before being put on display in Brussels."
"Right. It wasn't the battle exactly. Altron did a lot of damage and ZERO's beam cannon overloaded. I barely survived that day." Heero was silent for a moment. He turned to look at Midii. "Wufei seems all right now. Joining Preventers has been good for him. As long as he sees democracy in progress and the people desire peace he will be at peace, I suppose."
"You were all together yesterday?"
"Aa... it was good. Trowa really seems to be doing well, Midii."
"He didn't try to kill me, that was good."
Heero nodded. "Quatre seems to be doing well. Sometimes I worry about him a lot. His family really... I am not sure of the words for it. They place a lot of responsibilities on him? He is doing so much for his family's sake, and it is not what he would do for himself."
"It is proper to respect one's elders and care for family."
"Duty, yes. Quatre is very honorable, but as a friend I worry sometimes. He is so passionate. I think he would rather play music and paint than attend business meetings."
"Well, Quatre Winner does have a bit of a reputation as a bad boy."
"Quatre?"
"Well, if you read the less honorable dailies. That whole Prodigal Son thing. And he does throw a lot of his money into funding the arts. And more conservative business experts often call his schemes mad. You know, farming in the dessert and radical colony architecture. He's dated every famous musician or actor."
"Really?"
"Well, if you believe what they write. He is seen with pop stars at social events, stuff like that. But, maybe this is not obvious to everyone. I mean, I follow business and entertainment news along with politics. He's made himself over since the wars. I think he must be a genius, rather than insane, because throwing money into art and terraforming and the farming and genetic research he's actually increased his family's wealth. And, he looks good."
"Aa, then he finds ways to be creative while doing his duty."
"Sure. He's probably good for Trowa."
"I think so. He desires Trowa quite desperately. I honestly do not know how they both can have such self control. They have been so close and never even kissed each other, so far as I know. As soon as I realized I did want Duo I... I wanted to get closer to him."
Midii laughed. "I know all about that already."
"I didn't tell you everything that happened yesterday."
"Tell! Tell!"
"Yes... but not too many details. I think I have had a breakthrough, maybe you can tell me what you think..."
Later the Zero docked within Colony L19696, locally known within Side Three as New London. The Colony was only a few years old, part of the post-war construction boom and beneficiary of the population shifts to and between the Colonies in the last few years. Most buildings had a common Colonial appearance, as much of the Capitol did, they were functional, modular and box-like in construction. Specialized public buildings and large commercial structures did have more customized architecture and this was not entirely uncommon in the Colonies, particularly in newer or more affluent zones. Here faux stone was widely popular; both weathered gray fieldstone and highly dressed white limestone styles seemed popular.
Heero and Midii's business here was with a financial trading firm concerned with the security of their computer systems and transfers and secondarily with how well their headquarters could survive disaster. Heero felt Lowe Security was qualified for the job and Midii had already begun a dialogue with the firms representatives.
They would likely be in the area a few days. It was conceivable that Heero could do his work by remote, since Midii was the only one meeting with the clients, but Heero thought if he was to thoroughly test their security he would have to use all resources. Though someone interested in interfering with transfers could do their research and work from anywhere in the Sphere a lot of information could be gathered observing the employees of the firm.
Many times errors made by the humans working with computers could account for problems with computers. Something as simple as choosing an uncreative password or neglecting security protocols on a certain shift could endanger a company. Heero would have to find out if the firm was exposed to such risks.
Heero, Midii, a dog, and a cat checked into a hotel in the Colony. It was a boxy structure but part of the chain Midii had arranged a deal with. A general report on the hotel's security would give them a substantial reimbursement later.
The room did not seem special. It was what Heero might associate with current British design. There were two beds, a media center, a dresser, two armchairs and several occasional tables, made to simulate the appearance of dark highly-carved wood, though they were likely plastics, and covered in floral fabrics. There was a closet and a built-in dressing table and then in a separate small room a toilet and sink. The bathing facilities could be accessed from the hallway.
Midii commented on the layout. Her apartment, shared with Ursula, had a combination sauna, shower and bath tub in one small room and the toilet in another small room and Midii thought that normal. But in traveling she had seen many other arrangements, including single rooms that included separate toilet, bidet, shower, bath, sink and sauna.
"It's fashionable with the English now: public and communal baths. The Colony is new, so they designed it into the building. Things like this come and go over time. I remember wandering around earth and just staying in a hotel room watching television for a day," Heero said, "They have these shows documenting the process of building and renovating and decorating homes. They have people in Old Tokyo knocking down walls between apartments to make larger homes so they can compete with the real estate on the Neo Tokyo extension of the city into the bay..."
"That's where I live, on the artificial land."
"Right, and people want the charm of the old districts of Tokyo with the larger spaces. So, that happens everywhere. People in England are turning guest bedrooms into communal baths, people in America are turning their dens into family shrines or tatami rooms, people in China are turning the garden shrines into cabanas. Some turn large master suites into two bedrooms and others turn two small bedrooms into a master suite."
"So is this a WC or a WC?"
Heero laughed. In complete disregard for the English usage of WC or Water Closet for a toilet area Colonials referred to all toilet and bathrooms without any water as Waterless Closets. "I find hotels often have the water toilet and combination water or sonic wash facilities. You find the WCs mostly on spacecraft and in public toilets at the back of shops or in older homes. It has never really mattered to me. There were so many different types of rooms when I was growing up. The conglomerate employed sub sub contractors in building that Colony and it ends up feeling rather organic actually, as opposed to planned neighborhoods."
Midii looked to Nanashi who was asleep on one bed. "I suppose I will try out the wash room then go to my meeting. Do you have plans? Want to get dinner later?"
Heero finished his habitual unpacking and inventory of belongings and then picked up the pile of Koi's things to set out on the floor. "I am going to do some shopping here I think. I will take my phone. So, call if you don't get dinner with the reps, but most likely I will pick up something for myself while I am out."
"I understand shared bath rooms, but Nihonjin have particular manners and I can't imagine who would turn up in a hotel in... where is this? It's London, but it's L2 but it's S3?"
"New London otherwise designated L19696, is part of Side Three, which is located at LaGrange Point Two. It is no different that saying Kiev is in Russia and it is also in Eurasia."
"I did study... it's just I am not used to the numbers. It's like saying you are going to visit 10010 instead of saying New York City."
"The alphanumeric designations seem natural to me. What seems odd are the place names brought to us by the culture that gave us Feet, Pounds and Gallons. I understand naming a district or structure within a Colony, but it is superfluous to co-designate what already has a designation."
"Must be an Earth-Baby thing."
Heero realized that he had spoken sharply and it may have sounded like he was directing anger at Midii personally. "I did not mean to sound harsh."
"You want to come with me?" Midii asked. "You could look out for my honor or just gain data for your report."
Heero laughed. "I think you can defend your own honor from pretty much anyone, besides, the room might be separated by gender."
"A communal bath in the Colonies separated by gender?"
Certainly not what an Earthling would suppose; Heero was aware of that. "I do not know that it is, the thought just occurred to me that it could be."
"Aa."
"In my research I learned that there was an era in which Americans had many public bath houses... but apparently they were all associated with the homosexual subculture and operated by organized crime families."
"Probably when they still had those sodomy laws."
"I suppose," Heero said quietly. "Have you ever wondered what that is like?"
"Sodomy?"
"The laws. I wonder if I would do it if it were illegal."
"Probably."
"You think I would?" Heero asked seriously. "I probably would have not seen very many examples of what homosexuality is when I was young. I might have been told it was wrong at some point. I don't dislike women. Do you think I would do it?"
"Would Duo be there?"
Heero did not answer.
"If Duo was there you would do it. I have observed your behavior from a fairly intimate vantage since we have met. I know that you are very much attracted to him. I know you are lovers. I know you love him. It is just as you asked about Quatre and Trowa: 'How could you not?' You can't completely deny and exorcize powerful emotional and physical drives like that. Even if you were in some other time and place when society was different, if Duo was there, you would just be homosexual."
"I would have risked anything to be with him," Heero whispered.
"Ee?"
"I told you a lot, but I do not remember telling you about all the dreams I have had. I have these reoccurring dreams, Midii. It is like I am in another time and place. I am me, but I might have another body. They are fragmented sometimes but I know that together all the dreams make up stories of these people I was. Once Duo told me a dream he had and it sounded like part of a dream that I had, only he was the other person."
"You mean, he described the same events from the point of view of a person you dreamt you were with?"
"Yes. It is hard to describe. The bass player in the nightclub does not look like Duo, but when I have the dream I sometimes feel like it is Duo. He was married, to a singer. It is that sort of 'big band' music. I was having an affair with his wife, but I was his lover too."
"You had some dream that you were in a ménage a trois?"
"Yes. And there are Nazis."
"Nazis? You mean from the war?"
"Yes, those Nazis. They had these color-coded stars and triangles that they forced people to wear, jews or gypsies or homosexuals... a number of other ethnic groups or classes... I think at first they just took offense to the 'nigger-kike music,' but then they took offense to our wife's Jewish-sympathetic political views and finally to our rumored homosexual practices, rumors being absolutely true of course. We were in a bath when they came looking to arrest us."
"Heero, you dream this? Repeatedly?"
"Yes. Among other things. Some of them seem like good dreams. This one, it sometimes ends with torture and sexual abuse and death. I don't see 'me' dying, but I think I have seen the musician die. It would have been rather useful to have had superhuman strength then."
"A regular übermensch."
"Ja..."
Midii sat down on a bed. "Can I tell you that I feel freaked out right now?"
"It is just a dream, unless it was a past life. I do not know if I can believe that yet, except, it was so eerie when Duo told me that he had the same dream and he started speaking German really well."
"How can you say all of that stuff and sound so..."
"Cold? I do not know. I do know that others say I sound scary. I can say disturbing things in an emotionless tone. I think that is the disturbing thing. I must repress expression of what I feel subconsciously. I do sometimes feel horrified."
"Da, da."
"I never really thought about labeling myself with a gender preference. It just never seemed a big deal. You just choose a person. There's no stigma or glamour pinned to choosing one way or the other."
"Khoroshó..."
"But... I was just thinking: that is a luxury, because people have not always had it. I have the luxury of not needing to think about whether I have a gender preference because many people in the past felt trapped by the opportunities assigned to their sex and suffered tremendous persecution and hardships and fought to be allowed to choose what they preferred and to be accepted and respected for doing so. Is that more sad or happy, Midii? That all those people suffered to be accepted as homosexual so that I can feel no need to label myself whatsoever?"
"Maybe bittersweet."
"Maybe."
"Bittersweet."
"I can go shopping tomorrow. I need some sleep. I haven't slept since yesterday afternoon and that was only a few hours."
Midii laughed. "Sweet dreams, then."
Heero shrugged and turned down the covers on his bed.
Later Heero woke suddenly, sweating and gasping for a breath. It was dark, he was in another hotel room...
The phone rang.
Heero picked up the phone from beneath his pillow, unfolded it and then looked at the number of the caller as he put the phone to his head. He struggled to slow his breaths before answering but he could see the faces from his dream. Duo. The caller was Duo. Maybe he should just answer, before Duo could go away. Koi was near the bed, on his feet and looking up at Heero.
Heero patted the mattress beneath him and connected the call with his other hand. "Duo!"
"Hey, Baby!"
Koi jumped up onto the bed.
"Duo," Heero rasped.
"The name I call myself," Duo sang, "Fa, a long... hey, what's wrong?" Duo's tone was suddenly softened. "Heero? You're not just pissed I woke you up. Are you OK?"
"Nothing." Heero wiped his face with his hand and then wiped his hand on the sheets. "The phone woke me. I was having a nightmare."
"Alone?"
"Koi is here... and the cat."
"Still shaky?" Duo asked softly.
"Hai."
"Feel like you need a drink or to go to the bathroom?"
"No..."
"Lie down."
Heero lay himself down again, putting an arm across Koi's back and petting him.
"Snuggling Koi?"
"Yes."
"You are so cute with him. Close your eyes."
"I do not want to."
"Was I in the dream?"
"No."
"Did someone die?"
"Yes."
"Did you kill them?"
"Yes."
"Was it someone you know you killed in real life?"
"Yes."
"Heero, you made a mistake. That's human. It is OK to be human. Focus on the good things. Think about how you learned from your mistake. You are so strong, Heero. You will be all right."
"I am OK," Heero said.
"Yeah?"
Heero turned onto his back. Koi rested his head on Heero's shoulder. Duo also was in a poorly lit room and using a headset phone, with its close lens. Heero could not see him very well, but he knew it was Duo and that Duo was looking at him. "Aa, it was a disturbing dream and I woke suddenly. I was... shaken. I will be OK now." Heero looked at the small image of Duo again. Colors were not apparent in the dim light. "Why did you call? Shouldn't you have crashed by now?"
Duo laughed. Unlike the video the audio was near flawless. Heero felt even more at ease when Duo laughed. "Sure," Duo said. "I just got into the flat and crashed on the couch. I thought I would try calling to say goodnight."
"It was good timing. I may have a good night now."
"Are you gonna dream about me?" Duo asked.
"Not on purpose," Heero answered honestly.
"What about... in the shower in the morning?"
"I don't know... in a hotel... shared wash room."
"First thing when you wake up?"
"Midii will be here."
"Heero, you are not helping."
"Oh." Duo was fishing for imagery for his own fantasies. It did not bother Heero, he had certainly thought up many elaborate fantasies involving Duo's image. Actually, Heero rather liked the idea of Duo masturbating and thinking of him. At least he wasn't going to go find someone else. "Nnnn, what about... I go shopping for my Prom outfit and I feel sexy in the clothes I have found and I am in the dressing room in front of the mirror thinking about dancing with you again..."
"I liked dancing with you," Duo said, "You got so into the music, it was beautiful to watch... and then you danced with me..."
It had been nice as Heero recalled. "We can dance like that at Prom. You sure about us going together?"
"Sure. We tell each other what we decided after. That way there's no reason for me to be depressed before Prom and decide not to go and then regret it years later. It will be our last trial date."
"OK. Then, I will be in that dressing room trying on clothes that I think you will like and thinking about dancing with you."
"And there's shop people all around?"
"Yes, right outside the dressing room. Very proper and well-mannered shop keepers."
"Mmmn, and then what do you do?"
"Duo... what is my goal?"
"Forget it... you aren't into it."
"No... I am... I mean... Duo, maybe that wasn't the best situation to tell you about. If you want to picture me doing anything, I don't mind. I think I like that idea, but I don't want to have to describe it to you right now. Ask me to tell you about what I might do if we were together. I think I could do that."
"Um, OK." Duo sighed. "How awake are you?"
"Awake. How awake are you?"
"Fucking tired, but horny as hell. I thought if I just heard your voice I could knock this out and put myself to sleep."
"Should I attempt to describe things that correspond to what you can do to stimulate yourself?"
Duo sighed.
"I am sorry," Heero said seriously, "If I was really with you I would know what to do, but I do not know how to do this. I am sorry to fail you."
"Hey, what's your name?"
"What?"
"You sound hot. What can I call you?" Duo asked.
"Heero?" He was a little confused. Duo knew who he was.
"Mmmn, Heero, I could use one of those right now. Bet you're like the strong silent type?"
"Just quiet," Heero said.
"Shy huh? You know what they say about the quiet ones? Gotta watch out for them! They get pretty wild when no one's looking."
Heero smiled. "Depends on the company. You sound sexy. You talk a lot, but I don't mind. Will you tell me your name?"
"You can call me whatever you want."
"Can I call you Duo?"
"Duo, huh? Looking for a partner, Hi-ro?"
"I am alone right now. I wish I could see you better. Tell me what you look like."
Heero could see the whiteness of teeth as Duo grinned. "Will you tell me what you look like?"
"Sure."
"Well, I'm about 180cm... tall, firm body, slender build..."
"Nice... what about the rest? Tell me what your hair looks like and if you have any particular clothes on now."
Duo laughed softly. "I have long, wavy golden brown hair worn in a braid and I am wearing a private school uniform."
"A school uniform? How old are you?" Heero asked.
"Seventeen." Most likely untrue. Heero suspected the uniform wasn't worn either. He knew they were playing a game, and so it wasn't as if Duo had actually lied, he was just playing a role.
"Oh, so you're legal. That's good. I am twenty-five."
"I like older guys. Would you mind telling me how you look, Heero?"
Heero decided to lie a lot. "I am about 175cm tall. Slender I guess. Some people say I look like a girl. I'm Japanese. I have bright red hair. My eyes are a dark brown color. What color are your eyes?"
"Green."
"Green?"
"Yeah, green like jungle camo... oh, and I'm Latino."
Heero laughed, just because Duo sounded like he was describing Trowa. "Mmmn, I love the color green. I bet you have really lovely tan skin."
"Sí, moreno claro."
"Oh, my skin is very white," Heero said, "I have a deathly pallor."
Duo made a very sexy purring sound. "You said you were alone?"
"Hai."
"What are you wearing?"
"Nothing," Heero lied. "I am in my bed." After he had spoken Heero wriggled out of the clothes he had left on when going to bed.
"You really sound sexy, Heero. What would you do if I asked if you wanted some company?"
"If you are the one who is going to be with me, I would love the company."
"I wish I was with you now. Do you wish I was with you?"
"Hai."
"What would you do if I was there?" Duo asked.
"I would look into those sly green eyes of yours and then kiss you hard as I got you out of that uniform."
"Oh, Heero, that sounds so good," Duo said. He seemed to be overacting just a little. "You really turn me on. I want to feel your hands all over my body."
Heero put his hands to his own body and then moved them experimentally as he spoke to Duo, still unsure what it would be like to masturbate while on the phone with Duo. "I slide my hands over your chest as I open your shirt. Then I massage your shoulders and push your shirt off..."
"Yeah, help me out of these pants..."
"I take your pants off, oh, look, no underwear, a bit naughty for a schoolboy."
Duo chuckled softly. "I got 18cm for ya, Heero, hard, cut, dripping." Eighteen centimeters, that was probably the truth, though Heero had never measured. Otherwise, Heero was accustomed to Duo being blunt.
Heero lied. "I got 23."
"Twenty-three? Mmmn, that's more than I'm used to but I want it! Fuck me, Heero. I am so ready for you! Tell me you want to fuck me."
"I want to fuck you," Heero said. However Duo had described himself it was Duo Heero was picturing in his mind. Duo naked and asking for it. He really wished they were not on the phone but with each other.
"I am on my hands and knees. Do it. I want to feel your hand on my dick," Duo said. His speak sounded breathy and low. He is really doing it, Heero thought. He had wondered what phone sex might be like, but he had not really understood.
Heero curled a fist about his own erection. "I curl my fingers about your dick, Duo, and I move close behind you."
"Now, plunging right in."
"I am pressing hard... fucking you... you are so tight."
"Oh, yes, oh, yes, oh, yes," Duo whispered.
Heero turned onto his side as he continued a pumping motion with his hand. He could hear Duo's breaths come quickly and he knew Duo could hear him. In his mind he could see it, close to being real. Duo was in the bed with him. It was Duo's dick he touched.
"Fast... OK? Let's do it fast."
"Aa." Duo wanted to waste no more time and Heero had no objection to that.
There was little talking, but Heero continued to hear Duo. It made it feel even more real, to hear Duo's reactions. It really felt good. Heero was glad Duo had helped him figure this out.
"Close," Duo whispered, "Tell me... tell... how you are fuckin' me. Say it's deep."
Heero struggled to form words again. "Twenty-three centimeters... plunging... rapid... so deep... you can feel my balls touching you."
"Yes, uh, yeah..."
Heero closed his eyes and bit his lip. He also felt he might climax soon. He tried not to make noise, but some sound transmitted to the mic. He could hear Duo. He was not up to his usual shouting and sounded like he was grunting. In any case, Heero did not think it a bad sound. Duo just sounded determined.
When Heero felt the orgasm his mouth fell open. After a moment he rolled to his back, eyes closed lightly and breath still coming heavily.
"Heero, did you...?"
"Aa."
"Wasn't so bad over the phone?"
"I liked it."
"Mmmn. G'night, Heero."
"Goodnight, Duo."
"Thanks," Duo said and then he disconnected.
Heero lay still and just fell asleep.
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