The L2 Box
"Here." Someone had offered a cup of sweet smelling, tempting hot chocolate under my nose. Relena smiled when I murmured by thanks and I accepted it. "You looked like you needed it. Hot chocolate warms up the soul." Heero had told me that to. I smiled at the memory, made only a few months ago, as he comforted me after my ordeal with Solo, bringing hot cocoa out to the front porch and we'd drink, more of each other's silent company than the cocoa. Luxury food used to be out of my budget range. I could barely afford the water bills at home. I hadn't had a taste of a first class meal until I had met Heero. "How long have you guys known each other? Heero's never told me about you before." She broke me from my wistful memories.
"Oh, about 10 months or so. 'Found him moping on the street and we just clicked, ya know? The next thing I remember is we became best friends and I became a roommate." She nodded, trying to understand my abridged version of the story, looking at me like she was wondering what Heero saw in me. I wonder that a lot too. I mean, shit. He's absolutely gorgeous and rich to boot! He could have chosen from an elite class of people. So, why me? I was a defected, street rat. Why me of all people? That guy was so stupid! I smiled to myself. He might be stupid. but I don't know what I'd do without him.
I glanced back at Relena. The poor lady was staring at the door, wringing her hands in her lap nervously. It's so obvious that she cares so much for him. She's done a lot for him to. It was practically all her work that we were able to find this doctor. And I wondered. If it weren't for me. would Heero have eventually gone to her for comfort?
"Do you... do you think he's going to make it?"
"I hope so. I prayed for him." Ch, like that would do any good. God's already forsaken me. But, just this time, I hope he takes pity. The way she kept worrying over Heero, yet tried to be polite and nice to me, gave me a slight twinge inside. She probably doesn't even know that Heero and I are lovers. well, we made love just that once, but I had fallen asleep, cuddled in his arms every night after that. And here she is, offering me hot coca and asking me if I thought Heero would be ok. God has a sick, ironic sense of humor, I tell you. Would she hate me if she found out about US? Be jealous? Try to take Heero from me?
Fiddling with the end of my braid, I stared at her. I . I might have given him up if I thought she loved him more than I did. If she was a better choice for Heero, I might, as reluctant as I'd be, let him go. The "anything for the one you love" kind of deal. Oh shut up. I shook my head to push these thoughts out. I didn't like where my thoughts were leading. It made me uneasy and sad. I loved Heero too much! I couldn't let him go! Yes, dammit, I'm being selfish and I'm proud of it!
The door opened and the doctor came out, still in her scrubs. Even though I knew what had been going on in the room, it still disturbed me to know that it was Heero's blood speckled all over her blue uniform.
"How is he, doctor?" Wufei was the first to ask the million-dollar question. Everyone had gathered around to hear the news, be it good or bad. The doctor's smile was the bringer of good news. I suddenly felt relieved and began to breathe, not really remembering that I had held my breath in the first place, as I waited for the answer.
"The surgery went very well. We were able to remove the infected and damaged areas and reconstruct them using the latest technology." Someone bless technology. "Especially in this late stage, I was nervous that it might have been to late. But he's a fighter and he made it. His statistics are stable and he's just sleeping right now. But we still have to wait for the sedatives to wear out and he wakes up, to see if anything went wrong. I'm still unsure if there are any side effects and what not."
"It'll be alright. What matters most is that our friend is healthy and rid of the disease," assured Quatre, "We'll be here for him if anything is wrong." Everyone nodded, agreeing with the blonde. Thank you, God. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
Heero was sleeping on the bed, head bandaged and tubes and other things stuck into him. There was an oxygen mask over his face, helping him breath. I could hear his heart beat through the monitor, but I always liked it better when I heard it directly from his chest as he held me. Practically hopping around in anticipation, I could hardly wait as the doctor had finally let us in. I grasped his warm hand and kissed it as soon as I had come in. God had answered my prayers! For once in my life!
"You're going to be ok from now on." I whispered, assuring Heero, bringing the hand to my face, remembering how he tenderly touches my scar. The hand jerked from my grasp. Startled, I opened my eyes to look at Heero, who had woken up unexpectedly. I smiled at him, confused at why he had pulled his hand away so violently. My smile froze as I met his stare. of unrecognition. "Hey there. How ya feeling?" I greeted him; keeping my promise to be the first thing he saw when he woke up. But he just stared at me and began to frown.
"Heero, do you understand what I'm saying? Remember me?". And he shook his head. I wasn't sure which question he was answering, but oh God, I fear he was answering my second one. I had the sudden feeling of vertigo, everything whirling around, dizzy, sinking, emptiness. and pain, like someone had stabbed me in the chest with a dirty, dull, knife.
Still stubborn, I didn't want to believe it. "Silly, It's me, Duo." I leaned down to kiss his forehead but he, weakly, slightly, but so obviously, edged away. He had flinched at my touch. He was trying to get away from me! And what was even worse, was the expression on him that I recognized so well; the one that so many people had given me, so full of repulsion and fear. The pain I was feeling? Times it to infinity. It hurt so much I was afraid to breath, thinking that I'd crack and fall into pieces. He didn't recognize me. He'd forgotten me, everything we'd gone through, all those moments, how hard it had been to finally get where we were. and he didn't remember a single bit of it? Déjà vu all over again. Only this time, it hurt worse, much worse.
In my shocked stupor, I recalled the doctors' words. About taking away damaged parts of Heero's brain and
replacing it with new parts. Did those damaged parts hold memories? Had she taken away his memories of me and given him new blank spaces?
God, he was wrinkling his nose at me in disgust. Disgust? I felt so utterly helpless and alone right then. I can take it from anyone but you, Heero.
I was too shocked to do anything but back away. I was shattering inside as I watched his friends surround his bed. Relena even took the hand that had just been pulled from mine a moment ago. I just stood there, shaking my head, breathing hard, as if I were crying... but no tears were coming out.
It was then that I suddenly remembered my words I had sobbed in front of Mother Mary/Sister Helen. "I don't care what happens to me. Just please give Heero his life." My breath hitched in disbelief. I had prayed for Heero's life... But I had forgotten to ask to be a part of it. My insides froze and I could feel a chill all around me even when there wasn't any wind.
Right now, I'm sure I was too shocked, which was why I wasn't screaming, fainting, or losing my mind, I probably will later when it sinks in. But it didn't matter. I watched how Relena kissed his forehead and smiled through tears of joy. The image was getting blurry from my own tears of grief. I shouldn't be sad, though. Heero got his life didn't he? And Relena does love him, maybe as much as I do. I had been telling myself outside in the waiting room, that maybe, MAYBE, I wasn't strong enough to let him go because I needed him.
But now as I stood in the background watching everything happen in front of me. I understood that it wasn't
about me. I'm not the main character, so whatever I wanted. didn't matter. Whatever I needed. didn't matter.
Heero had a girl who loved him, she was pretty; at least she wasn't mutilated beyond recognition. She was nice, rich, smart, probably a good cook. And he had his friends that would care for him through anything. Best friends that he'd known for years, and I'd only be a poor substitution.
Was this God's message? What role did I have in all of this? Nothing. I had nothing to offer; I'm poor, I'm hideous, I'm filled with bad luck. I didn't belong with him. If I truly loved him, I'd do what was best and give he a better life. Right now, as I understood really how insignificant I was, my heart was pounding so hard that I thought it would burst my ribcage, and that the sound of it nearly drowned out everything else.
God was telling me that that I didn't have a part in this joyous scene here. I took a deep, but ragged breath; it was so hard to breath all of a sudden. As much as it was tearing me inside, I accept it. Heero deserves more than anything I could have offered. I could never give him what he really wanted and needed. I accept it. I wasn't the one for him. I was just a street rat full of bad luck and my sorrows. That's all I had to give; and he didn't need that. I accept it.
Why am I giving up? .Well, what else can I do? Nothing. He doesn't even recognize me. He had forgotten me, like I had never even existed. And right now, I really did want to disappear.
You know how it goes: Anything for the one you love. It was just a lot harder to do than say. No one even noticed me stumbling on weak legs, leaving the room because they were too busy paying attention to Heero. I tried to stop them, but these hot, tears wouldn't stop coming. Silent tears that kept streaming down without any sobs to go with them. I forced my feet to move on. I had to do this. For Heero.
I felt the round trip ticket in my pocket. I have to go home now, back to L2. I belong there. So, this is it. So, this is how it ends.
It was New Years Eve again. Had it only been a year since he had collapsed at Quatre's previous party? Heero and his friends were back at the Winner Estate on L2, drinking champagne, dancing, and socializing with other guests. Heero had returned back home soon, to L2, after he recovered from the surgery.
"I need to go out and get some air. It's getting stuffy in here." He told Relena, whom had accompanied him to the party. She nodded and gave a quick kiss on his cheek before returning to talk with her long time friend, Dorothy.
He sighed as he leaned against the balcony. The doctor had told him that he was recovering very well. The fact that he was recovering so fast and the ONLY side affect was the pockets of amnesia, which she had said, was like miracle. She had been expecting worse. So he had bits of amnesia. It was a small price to pay for his life, right? Right?!
"Heero, what are you doing out here alone?" Trowa came up from behind, startling him from his thoughts.
"Just getting fresh air and waiting for the countdown. It looks better in real life than on TV." He pointed to a spot there they could see a tower where a ball was slowly rising to the top, getting ready to mark the beginning of the new year. "And I'm alone because Relena doesn't like the cold weather outside." He shrugged indifferently.
"Aa. Come inside with the rest of us. You'll see it up close." Trowa invited, but Heero shook his head.
"No, you go ahead. It's almost starting. Go give Quatre a New Year's Kiss." Trowa smiled before leaving, understanding that Heero wanted to be alone.
He rested his elbows against the railing, watching the ball rise more quickly and counted along the seconds under his breath. Reaching it's finally destination, the ball lit up with its hundreds of lights, almost bright enough to compete against the Sun; fireworks lit the sky, sparkling like the million stars in the universe. He could hear the people inside cheering, spinning their noisemakers, blowing their horn, and even singing. and he smiled sadly to himself and took another sip of his champagne.
Duo readjusted the scarf covering his face, hiding the fact that he looked so worn, gaunt, and pale, behind it. As soon as he came home. he broke down. Crying, screaming, and desperately depressed. Crying until his voice had gone hoarse and he lost it completely for days. But he had to go on. He probably would have ended his life then, slashing his wrists in a tub, in a hotel he could barely afford. Ch, he should have just jumped off a 30-story building, at least it would be cheaper. But he had promised Heero. He'd never try to kill himself and he kept that promise because he runs, he hides, but he NEVER lies. Never, no matter how hard it was. All he could do now was go on with his life until Death finally comes to take him.
Couples around him were welcoming the New Year. He had been watching the ball rise from a spot in the crowded street, counting along as the seconds ticked down. They all "ooh-ed" and ahh-ed" at the display of fireworks. Everyone was cheering, throwing confetti, making noise, hugging, kissing. And, giving a heavy, burdened sigh, he smiled sadly to himself before turning around and disappearing into the crowd.
I had a lot of inside stuff in here. Remember the phrase, "Anything for the one you love"? Taken from the
EW dubs!!! ^__^ And the way Duo's eyes are colored, reflect the way he's feeling. Purple for happy, and Blue for
upset. It's 'cause the ML was having discussions about Duo's real eye color, Blue or Purple, and I just made it both
^_^ I'm sure there's a couple more inside stuff... I just can't remember it right now... =( Gomen.
Well, now that my fic's done. What'd you all think? Liked it? Hate it? Wanna shoot me?? >_< wait, scratch that
last option off. Heh, I'd like some feedback, now that the fic's over and done with. Por favor??