Love Me Still
Time flies by so quickly, it seems like just last weekend since Trowa announced his engagement and now I was carrying my suitcase into the hotel suite on the colony where the ceremony was going to take place. Relena isn’t able to attend because she is on another colony with another leader, but she insisted that I go to this wedding.
“They are the only family you have, Heero. It will be nice to see them again, ne? You can’t isolate yourself forever.” I settled the case onto the bed and began unpacking, thinking about how I was going to have a family soon- A wife and a child.
Relena had had a servant help me pack but I pushed the poor woman away, I hate it when people touch my things, so she insisted in helping me herself. “Please…. “ Relena paused looking a little guilty. “If you do see him, tell Duo that I’m sorry.” She asked me to do that for her. It surprised me that she even bothered. In all the time I’ve stayed with her, she hadn’t even mentioned his name. I was surprised that she was even the slightest remorseful.
In the middle of hanging a shirt up, I paused like I just had an epiphany. Duo was here, on this same floor. The clerk told me that he was only a few doors down the hall. Briefly, I wondered how he was and my fingers itched, suddenly wanting to feel him or even bury my hands into his lush, long hair.
All the months I tried to forget were useless because all those memories and feelings came back with the slightest sense of him nearby. It took all my trained self-control to stop from going to his room. It was really late at night and I’d make a fool of myself bumbling in front of him, interrupting him from his sleep and … oh just don’t think about it. It can wait until morning.
Stretching on the large bed, I held back a yawn. It’s funny how long shuttle trips can be exhausting when all people do is just sit there for most of the time.
By the time I woke up, showered, dressed and headed to the dining area, I could feel butterflies flitting around in my stomach. Knowing that Duo was just a few minutes and doors away, my entire body was feeling antsy and I couldn’t even stand still in the elevator. I had better control over myself than this. Where had all of the control gone?!
When I walked in, they were all sitting there at a circular table chatting and eating their breakfast. Before I even saw him, I froze when I heard Duo’s familiar, playful voice. He was here. The obvious thing to do was to go up to the table and take a seat, but instead, I panicked and just stood there. Quatre was the first to notice me and called me to join them, causing the others to turn their heads to watch me.
My feet felt like they had been cemented onto the floor as Duo’s braided head turn painfully slow to face me. Feeling almost naked under his eyes, I didn’t even hear all my other friend’s greetings. He just stared at me with his unique blue-violet eyes for a moment-- the longest moment of my life. All thought left my head as I could only stare back and the spell didn’t break until he turned away a bit dismissively, returning to his meal. My shoulders sagged a bit in disappointment. It wasn’t exactly what I had expected. I wasn’t sure what to expect, maybe for Duo to scream at me, throw his seat at me, or maybe I had expected to see SOME kind of emotion in his eyes. But I saw none. I didn’t see any happiness, anger, or anything else when he gave me a once over. It was like…. Like I was absolutely nothing to him now. I was a “has been”. I was a “nobody” in his life.
My breath still came in shudders as I took a seat at the table across from him.
“Hello, Heero.” That voice. I’d recognize that overconfident tone anywhere. It broke me away from Duo’s hypnotic presence. I swallowed back a vicious scowl when I realized that Wufei was here, sitting next to Duo. “How have you been? It’s been a long time since you left us to live the rich life in Queen’s castle.” My hands clench and I felt the fork give in and bend slightly. Was he trying to irk me on purpose? He was succeeding quite well. Luckily, Duo didn’t respond to Wufei’s snide comment and continued cutting his pile of waffles and making sure that each square was filled with syrup, just the way he always liked them.
I glared at Wufei. For some reason, we were always plotted against each other. Both of us were too proud to talk to each other. We were always silently comparing, fighting, arguing, and competing against each other. The fact that we had fought and nearly killed each other during the second war didn’t help much. We weren’t on friendly terms, but at least we were usually civil to each other. Until now, perhaps. I observed how close they were to each other. The Shenlong pilot looked at me with contempt and I returned it with a nasty glare of my own.
While everyone spoke and had a pleasant conversation, all I could do was sit there and seethe. The way Duo and Wufei spoke to each other was too close for my comfort. I glowered at my breakfast ignoring their flirtatious manner, or at least I tried to. It seemed like Wufei was a different person now. I always thought he’d be the shy, or silent, moody type, but he wasn’t. Maybe Duo’s personality was rubbing onto him. He was intentionally brushing his hands against Duo’s and he’d flirt, compliment, and brag. Duo seemed to fall for it …or at least he didn’t seem to mind.
Disappointed, I sighed internally. Duo wouldn’t even spare me a glance after the initial one. It killed me to see him smile and flirt back with his friend. I glanced at Duo trying to be as subtle as possible. He was more beautiful than in my dreams with a hearty glow on his peach-tone skin. He smiled stunningly as he talked with everyone else at the table. I missed him. God, how I missed him. But, he didn’t even look at me, made no attempt to speak with me, as if I wasn’t even sitting at that same very table.
I was glad when breakfast was finally over. I didn’t know how much longer I could have sat there and keep myself from pummeling Wufei or something drastic. This was ridiculous. I was being possessive and jealous when I didn’t even have the right to be.
I didn’t even get a chance to say anything to Duo, not when there were so many people around. I’ll just have to wait ‘til another time then.
The wedding rehearsal was easy, especially since everything was already planned out like our old missions. I hated randomness, especially when Duo walked out the chapel without any announcement with Wufei following playfully after him. Of course, I followed them, wanting to have a word with Duo and to beat Wufei black and blue.
My determination disappeared immediately and I stopped on my tracks when I saw the two of them. Duo was trapped between a wall and Wufei’s body, arms wrapped around his neck to pull him further into a greedy kiss. He savagely took Duo’s mouth, practically raping it, although, Duo had given consent, but it seemed so… vulgar.
My blood boiled and I saw everything in red, like looking though ruby glasses. Duo was giving freely, if not taking more from Wufei, hands traveling everywhere over each other’s bodies. It took a full minute before they noticed my presence and turned my way.
“Is there something you need?” Wufei asked, his voice immersed with impatience. Again, Duo said nothing but stared with cold, hard, amethyst eyes. It was unnerving, to experience him so seriously quiet. It was so crazy that I just swallowed harshly and shook my head.
“No, nothing.” I hurried away like a defeated puppy with his tail behind his legs.
How was I going to do this?
I cupped the cold water in my palms and brought it to my face, washing all the stress and frustrations away. Or at least I tried. I had excused myself for a moment to go to the restroom. This was horrible. I know Duo was angry with me. But I hadn’t expected him to get over it so soon! I hadn’t expected him to come here parading around with his new boyfriend. I know, it’s stupid, selfish, and egotistic to think Duo would still be hung up over me after all this time. How many times had I heard, “I love you” from Duo’s lips? How many times had he whispered those loving words into my ears when I needed it the most? Had it all been a lie? The way Duo was acting now felt as thought it had all been a dream, or a nightmare, or a lie.
I thought we had given each other a piece of our own heart. I thought, “I love you,” meant you’d care for someone forever. I was utterly dismayed now… but I couldn’t blame him. This was my entire fault. I practically threw him into Wufei’s arms.
I shouldn’t have been surprised though. I knew Wufei and Duo were always close friends. Everyone knew Wufei felt something for Duo. I should have guessed that Duo would move on. I had tried to forget him. He probably did the same thing with me and went on with his life. It was understandable, but it hurt so badly to know. Especially losing him to a war comrade.
The door opened suddenly and Wufei came in, looking smug. I groaned inwardly. He was the last person I wanted to see right now.
“What do you want, Wufei?” I growled.
“This is a public, bathroom, Yuy. You’re not the only one who has to use it.” I ignored his presence and stared at my haunted reflection in the mirror. He came over to the sink to wash his hands and met my eyes in the mirror.
“You hurt him you know.” He spoke up suddenly. He was talking about Duo. “He cried for a long time when you left. I had to comfort him when he was on the verge of losing his mind over this.” Why are you telling me this? “Stay away from him, Yuy. You’ll only hurt him more.”
I scoffed in resentment, “I doubt he’d even care what I did anymore. He seems to be doing very well with you.”
Wufei looked at me with victory in his eyes and I clenched my fists. I will not hurt him. I won’t. We’re here for a wedding. Quatre and Trowa want us to be together for the moment. I won’t hurt this bastard who was looking at me, goading me into some sort of action.
“That’s right. He’s with me now. I’m glad you noticed.” I grit my teeth together for self-control. He was teasing me.
“Tell me.” I wanted to know. “Is he happy with you, Wufei?” Can you make him smile like I did? Do you know his favorite foods? His favorite color? Do you know his ticklish spots? Or even his erogenous zones? Iie… don’t go there, I told myself. I didn’t want to know if they were sleeping together. Even if they were, I don’t know if I couldn’t handle the truth.
“Doesn’t he look like he’s happy?” You can never know with Duo. He might be faking it for all we know. He is the master of disguise.
“I just wanted to come in here and tell you he’s mine now, Yuy.” My eyes narrowed. I didn’t like that possessive tone one bit. “You had your chance, now it’s mine. I don’t ever want to see him hurt again. I can make him more happy than you could ever try.” And with that, he threw the paper towel into the trash bin and left.
After he closed the door behind him, I turned and slammed my fist against the wall in frustration.