Love Me Still
She had called me over in the afternoon to help organize the dining table arrangements. Back straight, head held high and determined, I walked swiftly towards Relena's office to continue what I dubbed my mission. To my dismay, the double doors were closed and her secretary stopped me.
"Ms. Relena's meeting with the chef is running a little late. She has given me a note to tell you that it will take only a few more minutes." Frustrated and weary, I nodded moving back to wait. Standing idly staring around the huge waiting room, a large, manila envelope caught my eye.
"May I take a look at this?" I asked the secretary, pointing to the envelope. Normally, I wouldn't go into other people's business, but when I saw the hospital's address, I became extremely curious.
"Um… I'm not sure if I have authorization to give these documents to you." She placed a nervous hand over the envelope.
"I am Relena Peacecraft's fiancé." I reasoned, eyebrows narrowing a bit. I tried to give her my best threatening glare, which didn't require much effort on my part and she wilted. She thought a bit, fidgeting fretfully under my attention before giving in and sliding the envelope closer to me.
"Just please don't get me in trouble." I grunted in response and snatched the papers quickly. My eyes scanned the pages contained in the envelope. They were test results on my child; reports on any abnormalities, diseases, even DNA scans.
…Wait a minute…
I had to read one catching line over again before I putting the papers back in their rightful place.
My hands were shaking and I wasn't sure if they were trembling from anger, shock or something else, but I had to sit down and take a deep breathe for a moment.
Oh god… could this be? When I regained my composure, I walked off, back to my room. I think I have some re-planning to do.
There was a soft knock on my door before Relena opened it and stuck her head in.
"Anou.. Heero-chan. Are you going to come to dinner? The food is getting cold."
"Aa. Eat without me." I answered her curtly, still typing on my laptop.
"Oh, alright." She said it slowly and I didn't miss the disappointment in her voice. "I'll have someone bring in food for you then." She nervously cleared her throat before inviting herself to fully enter my room. "The secretary told me you came to my office earlier. Why did you leave? I thought we had a meeting to talk about the wedding plans."
"Iie. It doesn't matter anymore. Your food is getting cold. You should go now." Through the corner of my eye, I saw her tense slightly. My curt words had hurt her sensitive feelings but I didn't really care anymore. She didn't deserve my sympathy anymore.
"Hidoi…" her whisper fought against the sounds of my keyboard. "We're almost husband and wife, Heero. How can you say things so cruelly to me? Why do you keep treating me like this? Why do you hate me so much?" Then she asked me the big question. "What's wrong, Heero?"
I paused typing for a moment, almost not believing everything. Things like this just don't happen, except, perhaps on TV.
"What's wrong?" I repeated her question to myself. Nodding my head to indicate a stack of papers I had just found through the hospital's databases (I'm always grateful for my hacking skills). "That's what's wrong." Nervously, she came over to look at the information printed on the papers.
Licking her lips in an uneasy manner, she read it. "Do you know what it says?" I asked while her eyes scanned the information. She didn't reply and her face was turning into a ghastly pallor.
"It says… that you do not have my child."
She was noticeably trembling now, her shoulders shaking and hands gripping on the sheets of paper almost ripping them. "I read the DNA patterns. I read everything about that child of yours. Nothing matches with me." I explained. Doctor J had taught me many things about myself. At first I thought he was just wasting my time and brain cells, but I was eternally grateful to him now. After reading the reports from Relena's office, I did my own exploring through the hospital records. She seemed dazed, staring at the papers without really seeing it. I decided to make it more simply for her to understand.
"I'm not the father, Relena."
For a minute, she stood there stock-still and I wondered if she had even heard me. Then, suddenly, her small frame shook slightly as she began crying and she hugged the rumpled papers to her chest like she wanted to hide the truth. Her elegant head was bowed down so I couldn't see what was written on her face, but something occurred to me.
"You already knew this." It was a statement more than a question. I couldn't tell if she was nodding or if her head was just bobbing with her sobs. Urgently, I held her, grasping her arms tightly, ignoring her small cry of pain. "You know all of this already, don't you?" At first, she didn't answer, just kept on crying and I wanted to shake her and force the answer from her, but she was weak and with child.
"Yes…" she finally rasped, "I knew from the start." Her affirmation was shocking and when I let go of her in surprise, she collapsed onto her knees, still sobbing her soul out.
All this time… I couldn't believe it. All these months, I'd been played a fool. Her cries of sadness turned to pain and it brought me back to the present predicament. She was clutching her stomach as if the child was hurting her.
Even then, I had to help her up and lie on my bed. Before I could let go, she grabbed my sleeve and wouldn't let go. "I'm so sorry, Heero. I never meant for things to be like this." Her grip slacked when another pang of pain went through her body. I'm supposed to be emotionless, ever since J trained me, but I must have a weak spot inside somewhere because I couldn't just leave her like this.
"Sh…" I touched her swelling belly. The emotional stress was upsetting the child and it was taking things out on the helpless mother. I continued to sooth until her sobs slowed down to random sniffles and I finally demanded the truth. "Explain to me, from the start." I asked of her.
She stared at me, eyes wide and afraid, but she nodded, knowing she owed me at least an explanation. "Wufei used to be my body guard when you turned down the offer." She informed me, looking away when I frowned. What did Wufei have anything to do with and of this? "He was very nice, intelligent, and respected me. We became very close friends since he was always around me, close enough to just sit in my bedroom at night and talk of our secrets and things like that," a slight blush contrasted her wet cheeks. "My advisors didn't like it because they thought it might cause a scandal and decided to get me a new body guard and Wufei was transferred to your branch of the Preventers." She paused or a moment before adding, "You should know that Wufei was truly in love with Duo, since a long time ago during the war."
Thinking about Wufei loving Duo made me frown even more of course. I never knew about it until he began working at the office with Duo and I. All throughout the war, he never really showed much interest in Duo. Then again, I hadn't really shown my affections either.
She gave a heavy sigh and still avoided looking at me, playing with the hem of her gown. "We were both dejected since you and Duo were so involved with each other that neither Wufei nor I had a chance. He'd come over for dinners and we'd talk about everything, how both of our love lives seemed to pathetic." She seemed lost in thought staring at her pregnant belly before speaking up again. "One night, while we spoke about our miserable love lives, we just… took comfort in each other instead. For one night, we were desperate enough to let our love and desires be substituted because we were that hopeless…that desperate."
I replayed Relena's explanation before placing a cautious hand on her stomach. Like a mathematical equation, something clicked. It made me a bit sick to ask, but I just had to. "This is Wufei's child, isn't it?" It was a rhetorical question, but she gave a miserable look and nodded.
"Does he..." I was hesitant to ask since this was beginning to get out of hand and not my business. "…Does he know?" I was shocked when she shook her head.
"I don't want him to know." She replied softly. "He'd be so mortified. He's good friend and I didn't want this for him. You know his sense of justice and honor. He'd want to marry me. But I didn't want him for a husband and we'd both be miserable if we married each other." So you couldn't do this to Wufei, but you did this to me instead. I clenched my jaw tightly in fury. "And," Relena finished, "I didn't want to marry him. I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with someone I didn't love." So you forced this on me. How could you do this to me?! Put me into the very predicament you didn't want to be in. My teeth made a loud grinding sound against each other. Hearing it, she grew slightly fearful and reached for a pillow, hugging it like it could protect her.
"He doesn't know this is his child," she bit her lip looking very nervous. "But I was desperate and afraid, after all, what would the people think of this horrible scandal. So I came up with a plan to make this pregnancy an advantage. I didn't inform him that I was pregnant because it wasn't important in our plan. He would never have to know. I convinced him to help me with this idea since it would benefit the both of us. He would get Duo either way and I would get you. I was just perhaps two weeks pregnant when you and I…" She even flushed unable to say the words.
"It was easy to convince Wufei. Once I said the plan would give us both our loves, he readily agreed. He gave me the tools; the powder to drug your drink, food, everything." So that's why I was so knocked out that night! I swallowed a ferocious growl in the back of my throat. Everything made so much sense now!
"And then you told me it was my child, knowing fully well that it wasn't. But you knew that I'd believe you and come to you because I'd feel responsible." I continued the story for her as the picture became clearer with each passing second. "And while I left to be with you, Wufei stepped in to console Duo and have them fall in love. That was your plan?"
It seemed like quite a plan. I almost couldn't believe she'd come up with something this devious. It nearly worked if I hadn't been lucky enough to come across the envelope. She had almost gotten away with it, and no one would have ever known.
She nodded guiltily as I finished. "I only did this because I loved you." She whispered quietly. Not wanting to be near her, I stood up away from the bed to look out the window. "You don't understand how much I care for you, Heero! I loved you so much and it hurt so much to see you with someone else!" I know the feeling. I felt like a hot knife was gutting me when I saw Duo with Wufei.
Still, she had NO right to do this! I was angry and upset but I wasn't going to hurt her. I may have threatened her in the past, but everyone knows that I'd never hurt her because it'd be lowly of me. She was a woman and she was an idolized leader and one who kept our hard earned peace.
"What did Duo have that I couldn't give you? I love you as much, if not more than Duo did!" Never, I growled inside. If you loved me, you would have wanted me to be happy. "Wufei and I, we both loved someone so strongly that we were desperate enough to do this. Because Love makes everyone foolish and hopeless." Even though I wouldn't have done it if I were in her place, I understood what she was trying to say.
Wufei, I frowned. How could he have been so stupid to agree to this plan? I know we've had a rough past between the two of us, but I couldn't believe that he'd betrayed me in such a way! It was so unlike him, against his values and honor. But… was he that desperate for Duo's love? Was Relena desperate? I didn't even think she was capable of doing things like this. I didn't think Wufei could either, but people do ridiculous, regrettable, stupid things for love. I suppose it's understandable… kind of. I'm not saying that I forgive them; I just understand their justification.
I took a moment to stare at the moon lit ground before sighing and turning to face Relena's anxious face.
"The engagement is off."
She nodded, not arguing nor protesting because she knew she was defeated. I didn't owe her anything. I had no obligations to her anymore. She was responsible for her own folly actions and I was no longer a crutch to help her stand with dignity.
"I'm very sorry, Heero. Please don't hate me. I only did this out of love." She apologized again in a quiet voice, unlike her usual, proud, noble tone. Her excuse was exceptionally lousy and so was her apology.
I suppose in time, that I will probably forgive her, but obviously, not now.
"You know I can't forgive you easily. I don't." I saw her wince at my genuine, harsh words. "But I hope things will work out for you later." Always a gentleman, ne?
And with that, I began to pack my things with Relena watching on sadly without a single protest.