Farmer Maxwell's Vegetable Patch
by Ponderosa
It was a picturesque day. The sun was shining, puffy white clouds were drifting lazily across the bright blue sky, and cute little birds were singing in the trees. And yet despite all this, Farmer Maxwell was not in good spirits.
"Again!!" he grumped and propped his hands on his hips to survey the damage done to his vegetable garden. "What a horrible day."
Two cabbage heads were gone...three celery bunches were missing...little holes were the only sign that his precious radishes had used to grow there and worst of all, a full row of carrots had vanished!
"Did you see the thief, girl?" Duo glanced down at his faithful border collie where she lazed on the small porch of his farmhouse.
"Woof!" Duo's dog told her master that yes, she'd seen the thief. She'd seen him the last time too, but she was an old dog and wasn't as good at chasing pests away as she used to be.
"I wonder if it's the neighbor's kids? Seems like a lot of effort to walk two miles to get into my vegetable patch, but I do have the best veggies in the whole county," Duo said aloud as he grabbed up his straw hat off the bench swing and tapped it onto his head.
"Woofwoof!" Duo's dog corrected her master; it wasn't the neighbor's kids at all.
"Is that so. How very interesting," Duo said, then laughed and bent down to pet his dog on her black and white spotted head. "Woofwoof to you too."
Duo's dog thumped her tail against the porch as her ears got ruffled, but she got the distinct impression that her master didn't understand a word she'd said.
"Well that row of zucchini isn't going to weed itself. See you in a few hours, girl" Duo said, giving his dog one last pat on the head before trotting down the steps and into his vegetable patch.
-=*=-
On the other side of the fence, through the orchard, over the hill, across the stream and at the base of a huge oak tree, Bunny Heero sat on his haunches. Like Duo, he was not in good spirits, however that was putting in mildly; more accurately, he was furious.
In the den, which he was sitting just outside of, his den-mate Quatre had eaten all the veggies Heero had stolen the night before. Quatre, as he was prone to do, apologized for snarfing down all the veggies, but that didn't make them magically reappear. This meant that Heero would have to go back...across the stream, over the hill, through the orchard and under the fence to steal more veggies from Farmer Maxwell's garden.
Cursing one last time at his den-mate, Heero hopped to his feet and began the long trek back to the garden with the best vegetables in the county. If he hurried and Farmer Maxwell was taking his usual afternoon nap, Heero would be back in his nice warm den with fresh veggies by sunset.
-=*=-
"All done!" Duo said, after having weeded not only the row of zucchini, but also the string beans, the tomato patch and what was left of his small collection of cabbages.
"Keep good watch on my vegetables, Wufei," he said as he leaned his hoe up against the fierce looking scarecrow's stuffed chest.
The braided farmer yawned and glanced up at the sky. It was late afternoon and the sun was no longer directly overhead. The day was now pleasantly warm instead of hot and after having worked off his anger, Duo felt that a good nap was in order.
He hummed a little tune as he strolled out of his vegetable patch and headed for the edge of his orchard. In between two tall citrus trees, a hammock waited for him and Duo sighed happily as he kicked off his boots and made himself comfortable.
Once settled into the hammock, Farmer Duo tilted his straw hat forward to cover his eyes, yawned again and promptly fell asleep.
-=*=-
Not long after Duo had fallen asleep, Bunny Heero entered the far end of the orchard. He crept low to the ground, perking up every so often to swivel his ears around and make sure Farmer Maxwell wasn't anywhere around. He snuck as quietly as he could through the rows of trees and when he spotted the sleeping figure in the hammock, he smiled a tight little smile and rubbed his paws together. This would be a snap.
Supremely confident now, Heero boldly scampered past the sleeping farmer and to the fence that surrounded his vegetable patch. Heero got down on his belly and wriggled under the fence; he almost got stuck halfway, but a big kick from his hind legs landed him face first into Duo's freshly weeded cabbages.
'Cabbages!' Heero thought excitedly and quickly severed two heads and stacked them neatly next to his escape route.
'Celery next,' he thought and hopped further into the garden.
-=*=-
"Man, I'm thirsty," Duo said and stretched. He swung his feet to the ground and pulled his hat off, setting it down on the hammock beside him. "I can't even sleep I'm so thirsty!"
The young farmer pulled his boots back on and walked the long way around to the back of his little farmhouse and straight into his kitchen. He opened the giant old refrigerator and pulled out a pitcher of lemonade, then grabbed an empty mason jar and poured himself a drink.
"Aaahh!" he said after downing the lemonade in one gulp. "That hit the spot!"
Duo looked out the window towards the orchard and considered returning to his nap, but he didn't really feel very tired anymore and he had just enough of the day left to visit the henhouse. Deciding that was exactly what he was going to do, Duo left out the back door and went around the side of his house towards his garden to get his shovel.
As he slipped through the garden's chickenwire gate, he heard a curious sound and caught sight of something white wavering above the tall broad leaves of his zucchini plants. The thief! Farmer Duo was quite good at moving quietly and he snuck over to his scarecrow Wufei, who not only was holding up his hoe, but his shovel as well. He took his shovel from Wufei and carried it prepared to catch his vegetable thief by surprise.
'What the...' Duo stood there confused looking down at the thief who was busy pulling carrots out of the ground. His eyes must be playing tricks on him...
"Nice ears..." Duo said finally, sticking his shovel in the ground and resting one booted foot on the lip. He should've been mad, but he found that he couldn't make himself be angry.
Said ears perked up and their owner turned his head in shock.
"So you're the one who's been thieving in my vegetable patch," Duo said, bending down to take a closer look. This couldn't be real. "What's with the paws?"
"I'm a bunny. Bunny's have ears and paws and a tail, baka," Heero said and clutched his stolen carrot possessively.
"You look more like a boy to me," Duo replied and thought, a quite delicious boy at that. "What's your name?"
"Heero," Heero answered without thinking. He'd never seen the farmer up this close before. All his instincts were telling him to run before it was too late, but his body was frozen on the spot.
"Well Heero, I think that those shorts you're wearing used to be mine too," Duo said and pointed to the cutoffs that had vanished off his clothesline some days ago. "Hmm...that shirt doesn't look familiar though."
"I stole the shirt from someone else," Heero said and cursed himself for offering up more information.
"I'm Duo and I'm positive that _you_ are _not_ a bunny. Bunny's don't talk and they certainly don't wear clothes," the braided boy stated firmly and leaned just a little bit closer to Heero. "They don't have gorgeous blue eyes like you do either," he added and bopped Heero on the nose with the tip of his finger.
That kicked Heero into action and he shot like an arrow towards the hole in the fence.
"Hey! You get back here! You've still got my carrot!" Duo cried and pursued. He even ended up squashing one of his few remaining cabbages in his haste to get the thief.
Heero was wriggling under the fence and had gotten halfway through when Duo clamped his hands down on the other boy's ankles and tried to pull him back into the garden. Heero kicked wildly, his hind legs pumping as he attempted to get free.
"Let me go!" he shouted and released the carrot he was holding to try and scrabble under the fence, his front paws chewed up the dirt, but he was losing ground.
"No way!" Duo shouted and with one mighty heave, dragged Heero back. The thief flipped onto his back, but before he could try and kick, Duo flung himself down and pinned the boy to the ground. "Gotcha now!"
"Let me go!" Heero wriggled and squirmed and even tried to bite, but it was no use, he was trapped.
"Aha! Gloves!" Duo pulled one fuzzy paw off Heero's hand to reveal very human fingers. "Bunny my ass!" he snorted and tugged on one of Heero's long white ears. He knew it, this couldn't be real.
"Ow!"
"Hey, what gives?" Duo said and tugged harder.
"Owww!" Heero wailed and the ear not currently being abused drooped downwards piteously.
"These are real?" the braided boy said in disbelief. He stopped trying to pull Heero's ear off and touched it almost reverently, feeling the soft fur tickle his fingers.
"I told you I was a bunny," Heero said smugly and stopped struggling altogether. "Your ears are real," Duo breathed, not quite believing even though the proof was right there in front of him.
"My tail is too," Heero said.
"Really? Can I see?"
"If you promise to let me go," he bargained.
"If you promise not to steal anymore of my vegetables."
"Then what would I eat? My friend and I would starve!"
Duo thought this over. He certainly didn't want to doom the boy to starvation, but he didn't want his prize winning vegetable patch looted every week either.
"Well I'll make a deal with you, you can work for me and earn your vegetables."
"What about my friend?"
"Is he just like you?"
"You mean is he a bunny?" Heero asked and his ears perked up. "Of course he is. Why would I have a friend that wasn't a bunny?"
"A bunny just like you though? Not the rodent kind the boy kind?" Duo asked just to make sure.
"Yes."
"Well I don't have enough crops to keep the both of you fed, but maybe we can work something out with my friend, Farmer Barton. He's got a big vegetable patch that always needs tending too."
"I can't just agree on my friend's behalf..." Heero said slowly.
"Fair enough. In any case, I'm sure we can work something out," Duo beamed a smile and moved to sit back on his haunches.
Farmer Maxwell was being very understanding about the situation and Heero didn't really like stealing vegetables. Working for them would be far more satisfying. After a long moment, he decided that the braided boy was trustworthy and to finalize the deal, he flipped around to show off the puffy white tail sprouting out of a hole cut in the back of the shorts.
Duo stared at the cute puffy tail that was attached to the wiggling bottom that was encased in a very tight pair of shorts. He couldn't resist and tugged at the tuft of fur, Heero's hand reached back and smacked him hard.
"I didn't say you could touch!" the bunny-boy snapped.
"You didn't say I couldn't," Duo replied and grinned as he tugged Heero's tail again.
"Grr! You!" Heero protested, but he didn't move away. Secretly, he wanted the braided boy to do it again.
"Well what about your ears then? I promise not to try and pull them off this time," Duo said. When Heero didn't object, he crawled forward and touched one of the fuzzy white ears.
The knuckles brushing along his ear felt quite nice and a happy sigh escaped Heero's throat. Duo crawled a little closer and smiled as he murmured into Heero's other ear, "You like that? I bet you liked it when I did this too..."
Heero didn't object, he just made a soft sound of pleasure when he felt his tail fur being tugged again. Encouraged by the moan, Duo kissed the other boy on the cheek and Heero tilted his head back as soft lips trailed kisses along his skin.
"Heero? Can I ask you something?" Duo said as he nibbled and nipped at the other boy's gently curving jawline.
"What?" Heero panted lightly and felt his stolen shorts getting tighter by the second.
"Does what they say about bunnies hold true for you?"
"What do you mean?"
Duo whispered something decidedly lewd into one of Heero's furry white ears and the ear stiffened in shock.
"Well?" Duo nuzzled his nose against the fur and when no answer was forthcoming, he hooked an arm under the other boy's body and flipped him onto his back. With a predatory look that made Heero slightly uncomfortable, Duo hovered over him and arched an eyebrow while lowering his voice to a throaty whisper, "So is it true? Cause if it is, I think I'd like proof."
"I don't know! I've never! " Heero sputtered, but he was lying. He knew quite well that what they said about bunnies was true in his case. There was a reason he put up with his denmate.
"You're cute when you lie," Duo said, grinning even wider and dropping down on his elbows so that his face was only inches away from the boy beneath him.
"How'd you know I was lying?!"
"I didn't, but now I do," Duo laughed and glanced downwards at his stolen cutoffs. "So, what do you say about proving it?"
Heero surrendered and before long the cabbages were crushed beyond recognition, the sun had dipped below the horizon and both boys had collapsed together side by side sweaty and sated.
Duo lay on his back with one arm around Heero as they watched the sky darken and the first stars appear; not having gotten his proper afternoon nap he yawned wide and his teeth glinted, reflecting the moonlight.
"Your teeth!" Heero cried and scrambled out of Duo's arms.
"What about them?" Duo ran his tongue over his teeth and swiveled his ears towards the bunny boy.
"Your ears!" Heero gawked and his own ears shot up in surprise.
"Oh right," Duo rolled onto his side and propped himself up on one elbow. "Don't forget this too," he said reaching behind himself and pulling a thick furry tail into view.
Heero stared.
"Happens at night, funny that," Duo said with a chuckle as he picked himself up off the ground and started looking around for his socks. "Don't worry. You're delicious and I'd love to nibble on you some more, but I'm hardly going to eat you or something."
"I guess that explains why there was a tailhole cut in these already," Heero said as he bent down and grabbed his stolen cutoffs. "Why didn't you tell me?!"
"Would you have slept with me?" Duo grinned and his tail swished lazily behind him.
"Of course not!" Heero cried. No self-respecting bunny knowing laid down with a fox!
"Well there's your answer," Duo said and flung Heero's shirt towards him. "Still going to work for me, right?"
"You're not going to eat me?"
"I might bite you once in a while, but nah, I'm not going to eat you."
"Then I suppose the deal's still on," Heero said and glanced over his shoulder at the boy behind him. "So is what they say about foxes true?"
"What's that?" Duo's fuzzy reddish brown ears twitched curiously.
"That you can't resist a good chase?" Heero wiggled his cottontail and darted down between the rows of carrots without waiting for an answer.
Duo grinned and ran after him.
The day didn't turn out to be so bad after all.
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