Disclaimer : I don't own Mackays, they own me. Or, they pay my paycheque and therefore may as well own me. Neither do I own the Gundam Boys. Maybe if Mackays paid me a bit more I could afford them. Then again…

Pairings: 1x2, mentions of 3x4
Warnings: Shonen ai, OOC, cross-dressing, self-insertion, mild Relena bashing, sporadic humour, dodgy writing: the usual.

Work Induced Hallucinations
by Tayles

Miss Kylie Klub 2002

One very bored authoress stood idly at the till-point, plucking at a loose thread on her uniform and letting her eyes sweep the empty store around her. She hated working weekdays. The tasks to do were dull and monotonous and so were the few customers that were to be seen.

"Cheer up! It ain't the end of the world, Tayles."

She rolled her eyes at the enthusiastic voice. Obviously she was so bored she was hallucinating again. She looked up and, sure enough, there was Duo Maxwell, hand in hand with a scowling Heero Yuy.

"Hi guys," she said with a wave. "What are you two doing here?"

"Entertaining you whilst you work," Duo replied promptly with a grin.

"How?" she asked, gleefully realising that this was her hallucination, the shop was empty and she had two yummy Gundam pilots at her bidding.

"Well," Duo began with a shrug, "we thought we'd start with kissing and then move into heavy groping. Ok with you?"

"Sounds good to me," Tayles said with a smirk, settling on the counter to watch the bishus go at it.

Heero's scowl had lessened but he still frowned as Duo slid his arms around him. "This is so degrading…" However, that was all that could be heard of his protests as Duo chose that moment to duck his head and thoroughly meld his lips to Heero's. Tayles sighed and absent-mindedly wiped a bit of drool off her chin.

When Duo finally came up for air his eyes were bright and his mouth smiling. "Wow!"

Heero smiled at what appeared to be a compliment. "Well thank you, I-" It was only then he noticed that his lover was no longer looking at him, but at a large purple poster tacked to the wall behind the till.

"Wow!" Duo declared again as he read the poster. "Kylie modelling competition? Cool! Can I do that?"

"No!" said Tayles, finally snapping out of her hentai frame of mind. "Just go back to groping. Please?"

But Duo, like a cat with a toy, or a GW fan with a new doujinshi, was not about to give up easily. "Aww, please? It'll be fun! I get to dress up and you get to take my picture, and I could win a DVD player!"

Heero raised an eyebrow at that. "We have a DVD player, baka."

"Not the point. Please Hee-chan?" Violet puppy-dog eyes were thrown in his direction.

Something finally clicked in Heero's mind and a small smirk began to tug at his lips. "You want to be a model?" Duo nodded enthusiastically. "And dress up in girl's clothes?" Another nod, and the smirk on Heero's face grew. "Well," he said, unable to keep the hentai tone from his voice, "who am I to stop you? Incidentally that black suede mini-skirt in the window would look great on you."

"Heero!" Tayles cried even as Duo glomped his lover in joy, "Don't encourage him!"

"Too late!" crowed Duo, rushing off to look at clothes.

"But… But… But…" Tayles grasped for a way to stop them, all the while wondering how her hallucination could have gone so wrong. "But, you're too old. And a guy!"

Heero was quick to reply, not taking his eyes off his braided partner as he held different items up to himself in the mirror, "On no part of that poster does it specify a female participant. Nor does it specify an age group."


Duo whirled to face them, not having paid any attention to the trouble he was causing a certain authoress and employee. "Do you think this dress would make me look fat?"

"Argh!" Tayles buried her face in her hands. "My manager is gonna kill me!"

Duo turned from his inspection of a purple gypsy top and patted Tayles comfortingly on her shoulder. "No she won't. I'll look great, I promise." Then he skipped - yes, skipped - off towards the accessories. Tayles glared at him from under red bangs.

"How's that supposed to help me?"

Heero took his turn to rest a hand on her shoulder. "He'll look great, possibly win something and that'll be good for the store, no?"

Realising the Perfect Soldier had a point Tayles just sighed heavily. "Shut up and go help your boyfriend pick a dress."

"Mission accepted."


"Ta da! This one?"

"Too flowery."

"And pink."

"But it compliments my complexion!"

"It's something Relena would wear."

"Ok, next outfit!"

The green curtain slid back across and the sounds of a coat hanger being thrown on the floor could be heard from within the changing room. Heero and Tayles looked at each other.

"How many outfits has he tried on so far?"

"That was the fifteenth, I believe."

Tayles looked around the Kylie department; currently looking like a small, localised hurricane had passed through it. "You guys are staying to help me tidy up, right?"

"Are you paying us?"

"Calculating bastard."

"Ta da!"

"Too revealing."

"And lacy."

Duo rolled his eyes. "You guys are too damn picky!" he muttered, yanking the curtain back across.

"So," Tayles said, turning her attention back to Heero, "what are Quatre and Trowa doing today?"

"Each other, probably."

"Ah. You put the camera in their room like I asked, right?"



"Ta da!"

"Not revealing enough."

"And gross."

"Grr…" Duo glowered at them before slamming the curtain back.

Tayles took another glance around the store only to find it still oddly devoid of customers. "Ok, what did you do?"

"What?" Heero blinked and attempted to look innocent.

"What did you do? There are no customers in the store and haven't been for as long as you two have been here. What. Did. You. Do?"



"…and will continue to call for peace without resorting to the violence that riddles this planet's past!" Relena rose her head to an appropriately regal angle before continuing. "Furthermore, we must put an end to the use of weapons in television programs…"

Dorothy absently stepped over another poor passer by, who, caught unawares by the sound of Relena's voice, was now snoring softly on the pavement. Heero Yuy owed her big time for this; she mused, pushing yet more sleeping bodies out of her path. As much as she admired Relena Peacecraft, making her give a public speech was just cruel. Few could stay awake past the first pacifist rant and those that could often wished they didn't.


"Yes, Miss Relena?"

The girl at the podium tilted her head elegantly. "Are you positive this was the right town? No one seems to be paying much attention."

Dorothy gave the girl a reassuring look, smiling sweetly. "I'm listening, Miss Relena."

Relena smiled back at the other girl before continuing with her pre-planned speech.

Oh yes, thought Dorothy, heaving a silent sigh, he owed her big time.

*Inside again*


"Ta da!"

Heero and Tayles turned to look at Duo as he stood in the changing room doorway and both suddenly forgot to breathe.

"Well?" Duo said, failing to notice their expressions, "is this one ok? I thought perhaps the skirt was a little too tight but…" Trailing off as he found no response he waved a hand in front of two slack-jawed faces. "Hee-chan? Tayles? Anybody home?"

Tayles was the first to snap out of it. "Hmm? Duo… you look… wow…"

A group of incoherent syllables accompanied Heero's approval.

Duo beamed and then decided to try his luck. "You sure this skirt's not too tight?" he asked, turning round and bending over, waving one pert little bottom in the air.

Heero promptly fainted.

"Just tight enough, I'd say," said Tayles, unable to tear her eyes from the tiny black outfit the Deathscythe pilot was currently sporting.

"Oh good," he threw back with a grin. "Now get Hee-chan off the floor and grab the camera. It's photo time!"


Tayles looked frantically around just in case the manager or any other member of staff was in the vicinity. Strangely enough, not a soul was to be seen. Giving a relieved little sigh at the hope of not being fired she turned back just in time to see Duo vogue-ing his way down an imaginary catwalk.

Fighting every one of her crazy-fangirl urges, she forced herself to refrain from glomping him, and merely picked up the camera. "Duo? I need you to stand here for the photo."

The braided pilot grinned and shimmied his way to the designated photo spot, striking a pose and pouting playfully at the camera. "This good?"

"Ohhh yeah," Tayles managed to breathe before swallowing and hitting the flash button. The camera whirled pleasantly. "Now, say 'Kylie!'"

"Kylie," Duo purred with a wink.


"Perfect," Tayles said with a grin.

"I'll say," came the voice of Heero, promptly pouncing on his lover, hands already pushing up the off-the-shoulder top Duo had chosen.

Tayles smirked, snapped a few more photos for her own personal collection, idly wiped the drool from her chin and then returned to the till point.


It was a while later when the lover-boys managed to tear themselves off one another and find Tayles at the till. Duo was changed back into his usual shirt and pants but his braid was coming loose and Heero's face held a sated smirk.

"Was there something on that poster about a discount on modelled outfits?" he asked with feigned casualness.

Tayles gave him a knowing smile and nodded. "Yep! Ten percent off if you buy today."

A manic gleam lit cobalt eyes. Duo put his new favourite outfit on the counter at the same moment Heero reached for his wallet. "Ring them up, lady!" Duo said gleefully, wrapping his arms around Heero's waist.

Tayles did as she was told and accepted the nice wad of cash that was handed to her. She gave the shopping bag to Duo but her fingers lingered on it as she raised an eyebrow at him. "You aren't seriously gonna wear this again, are you?"

Heero answered before Duo could, taking the bag from Tayles' hand. "Don't worry. I have no intention of him wearing it anywhere outside the bedroom." He set off out of the shop but Duo hung back a moment.

Tayles opened her mouth but the braided boy got there first. "Yes. The video camera's installed over our bed." Tayles closed her mouth with a grin. Duo gave her a quick hug. "See ya around, Tayles," he said with a wave before running after Heero.

Tayles followed them to the door and shut it behind them, noting, after a glance at her watch, that it was closing time. Allowing herself a little giggle she went to grab her stuff and return home. A video full of 3x4 action was calling her name and undoubtedly there'd soon be a 1x2 to follow it. She only hoped every day at work was this interesting…


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